Hi! Nothing too intense here, just an update. H continues to act weird. Has not brought up the 'thoughts' he said last week he wanted to share with me. <P>Last night I invited him to stay for dinner after he dropped the kids off. He couldn't decide. Treats it like a life-or-death decision. Finally I said just forget it. Then he said let's make a plan for him to stay for dinner sometime. Okay, so he is coming to dinner on Wednesday. What is this about? Is it a control/power thing? He can't accept a simple invitation because its on my terms, but he can do it on his terms? <P>I've decided to get him an anniversary present. A new bathrobe, because he really needs one. I'm thinking of a note that says "If I can't wrap myself around your warm, naked body, this robe will have to do it for me." A little too much ? <P>Starting 10/18 he will be out of town M-F for 5 weeks. Here's the question. Do I sign the waiver of service on the divorce papers before then, which starts the clock in motion on the divorce? I had asked him to give me until 10/15 to find a lawyer before I sign. He hasn't brought it up since then. Basically, the divorce process doesn't start until I sign the waiver (or he has me 'served' by the court). Of course, he may ask me about it, but if he doesn't bring it up, should I? <P>My therapist thinks he hasn't really dealt with the reality of what a divorce would mean. And I continue to let him live in this state of suspended reality.

Animac, <P>Re: signing divorce documents - the more important question, is what do YOU want to do? I wouldn't sign them, but I also wouldn't bring it up. But, do find yourself the best lawyer you can - as a backup.<P>Re: the bathrobe- I think it sounds like a nice idea.<P>Re: The dinner issue - he may have an obligation that he couldn't get around without it being too awkward. Maybe that is why he would rather plan the dinner instead. It could be power/control - I really don't know. I just threw out another option to think about.

Hi Mush! I don't think it was other plans, although of course I don't know for certain. He never seems to have much to do. Today he came by to 'see the kids' and spent 1 hour talking to me (about nothing in particular) and about 1/2 hour watching TV with daughter. <P>Well, I don't want a divorce. But I've got to get my own head out of fantasy-land and start acting responsibly. Money is tight and I've got to make some decisions. H has basically had an 8-month vacation from reality. <P>There's nothing I can do to actually stop the divorce. If it's going to happen in the long run, I might as well get it over with. Maybe reality will finally shake him up enough to make him reconsider. Maybe not. But holding out doesn't seem to have changed his mind.

Not sure what you should do about the divorce, although I would tell him I need an extension of time past the 15th...it is not like he hasn't dragged much of the eight months out with his indecision.<P>However, I read on another thread, how manic he was about everything in the house be just as he left it.<P>If you don't want to do a 180 change in your own behavior...maybe you can use your house! Tastefully rearrange everything...shuffle rooms if possible, borrow accent items if money is tight, anything so it looks different.<P>Tell him that you just needed some change. That you're taking a baby step in independence now that you are going to be on your own.<P>This might really shake him up. Just an opinion.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Hi guys,<BR>Just wanted to chime in.... I did the rearraingement thing in the house and when the W came over this weekend she made some snide remarks about it. It was obvious she noticed and that she wasn't happy about it but she didn't say much after that. <P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P>

FHL- That's a good suggestion! I've been thinking about rearranging anyway. I did take all the photos that included him, including our wedding pictures, and put them in the study before I had work friends over one day. I didn't want to appear pathetic before my friends. He definitely noticed, right away. <P>Rutger - I'm not surprised she made snide remarks, but that doesn't mean she won't think about it.

You are not doing it to anger him, just make him realize if he is divorcing you, he no longer has input in your home and in your life.<P>It just doesn't sound like he wants to give up control or even emotional involvement.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Oh, of course to have the greatest impact, have a statement ready when he comments.<P>Make it positive, smile and then resist pushing the issue...just let him stew about it a while!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13