My wife and I are legally separated since 6/3/2006. She wanted this and I delayed for a while and was forced into it. She doesn't know what she wants, I do. I want to bee with her and will follow my marital vows until I am divorced. She says that we are married only on paper.

My questions are:
What is the true meaning and your own meaning of a Legal Separation?

Why does a spouse want one?

I am sure that she is confused but she is dating, or seeing if there is a spark else where?

Oh well.... Advice is always needed....

Well I think it means at least one spouse is *confused*. IMO, ss far as marriage vows.....I don't think it means diddly squat. Dating while married (legally separated people are still married) is adultery.....hiding behind a legal writ doesn't change that....it only occasionally changes people's guilt level. In fact "divorced" is different from "unmarried". For everthing....there is a "season" and I don't believe separation is the "season" for dating. I'm not sure that parents are ever really "unmarried" even after divorce sometimes.

I agree with you star....

Divorce is a divorce and my ww is hiding behind the legal garb....

Separation is having time to think but not to fratinize with other thoughts

I am legally separated and my WW pushed to get it so she would feel that is was okay to go see the OM without guilt. She does know that adultery still plays into the equation, but she isn't thinking logically its all fog.

So expect the worst, start plan A, you can still plan A her.
Are their kids?
what type of contact do you have with her?

Yes there are kids,

She and I are very limited, but we have to communicate for the children. She is in the house during the day and lives her mother at night and weekends.

Please this is killing me and I know that she is dating OM. and she said she will not discuss it. Non of my business, etc......

So, NE...are you going to Plan A?

Are you going to expose?

What are your plans?

I know your WW was a poster here...have you asked her to come back?

LA

Actually I have quite a few friends, that have begun to "date" married guys.......when I've called them on it, I get "Well they're separated", and I tell them "Separated is STILL married"

I only have 2 single friends (that I can think of) and BOTH of them have been involved in affairs.

I feel like I'm on some personal crusade to stop people from doing this........so I'll start with my friends.

The first of my 2 friends starting messing around with a married guy.....he had 2 children by his wife and an OC from a previous affair, and was now involved with my friend. I hounded her relentlessly about it, how wrong it was, until she finally broke it off.

The other friend lived with a guy who was married....her defense was "He was separated"......separated ain't divorced......he told his wife he was living with his friend's sister, but eventually ditched my friend and went back to his wife.

Today the same friend is persuing another married guy...I have talked until I'm blue in the face about it, she won't listen! So I simply said "This will end badly"......she got all freaked out and asked me what I meant. I said "He's married" to which I got "SO?? I don't know her.....it's not like I'm sleeping with YOUR husband" I said "You also WORK with this guy........this WILL end badly". (So we'll see if my scare tactic works.....in any event, I have the guys 1st and last name, so if it doesn't stop I may just have to tell his wife myself).

God Bless,

-Caren

WW was a poster here???

I am plan Aing see my post in Plan a / Plan B

i exposed twice before to parents....

The first time my FIL said oh well what do you expect since you did not care,a dn the second time IL were in denial.

She has also confided in family members for backing and support of these actions I am sure of that....

Plan is to rediscover our marriage together

Caren,

I would love to help you stop all this stuff.....

Marriage is important and making it work is my goal....

regardless of what anyone thinks....the legalities of it don't change

i specifically asked my lawyer this question!

"it is still considered adultry if you have sexual relationships with anyone even if you are legally separated because you are still legally married"

he also said that "everyone does it anyhow" and "what difference does it really make because that's what your H is doing isn't it?"

well....it mattered to me!

Well, I'm of the opinion that the OP's in these situations are not thinking this through, although if I had a married friend that was having an *A* I'd be all over them like white on rice too.

I am on a mission to stop this madness. I have told BOTH of my friends (each at different times) that they aren't just hurting the man's family, they are hurting themselves....it doesn't bode well for ANYONE involved.


God Bless,

-Caren

She said she has moved on and thats it...., Has no love etc...

I am trying and will continue to try and stop the madness with you...

LA-

Wife was a poster here?

How do you know? name?

She doesn't want to work on anything

I thought your first post said that your wife wanted you to come here...have I mixed up posters myself? Yep...I just went back to the first post I read from you...

There was a poster whose wife asked him to come here...I read his the same day I read yours, I think.

My bad.

This isn't up to her, NE...it is up to you. Following Plan A all the way is what you can do for you and your kids...so that no matters what happens, you will know you did everything you could to save your marriage.

You exposed twice to parents...what about OP's family and work? Friends? Her work? What do your teenaged daughters know?

Legal separation has visitation laid out, doesn't it?

LA

friends know, OP i do not know much about the recent guys, but i called the one from a while ago and left him a message.

Work is hard because she is a teacher in our school district. I need to be careful for my children in that aspect...

I dunno what my daughters know, They would probably be devistated and if they approach their mother she tries to justify things because i hurt her first......

I know that I have not been a good role model for them in the past but now she is going crazy and they are witnessing it....

She is constantly online AIM..... Text messaging,

My daughters have made fun of it......

The separation has some frame work for a divorce but to me it is BS

I've never been separated, but if my M were to get to that point. I would want it to be "legally separated" just to ensure the finacial responsibilities to be spelled out, and legally bound. Other than that aspect, and potential joint custody issues it wouldn't change a thing.

I know the mindset of a WS would be that it's ok for me to carry on now "I'm legally separated". Just not sure how the courts would view that.

See the problem is in NY you need to be legally separated for 1yr to get a divorce(if it is not agreed by both)

Adultry is so common that it is not really grounds for divorce......so I understand.

Anyway, i think i am going to change my name from neverenuff to nevergivinup