Believer,

I want to thank you for addressing an issue for me the other night about protecting myself financially. As a result of youpr postings, I have put a freeze on home equity line (something I never thought I would have to do), and sought the advice of an attorney. I have not filed and don't intent to....yet.

I'd like to respond to your husdand's letter. The same night I corresponded with you, another friend told me that my husband is more concerned with looking good than being good. (We were leaders in our church and he chose to have an affair with a woman at work.) He wanted the good Christian wife, but didn't want to be a good Christian husband. I think that is what your husband cares about most here. His words are to create a mental/emotional picture for you, his actions are what are real. I would agree that flushing him out now with supported truth would be good for you and for him.

My gut tells me that he still wants you in his back pocket--not ready to let go. I am convinced he still fantasizes/thinks about you. If you haven't read Private Lies by Frank Pittman, its a good one. Also, I have found the Passion Trap by Dr. Dean Delis exceptionally hepful for me. However, he could go on like this for years, and you have your life ahead of you. At some point, you must decide what it is that you want, and go get it.

I commend you for haning in there. I'm only at 7 months of separation, and I'm about ready to call it quits once we get a poperty settlement figured out. That's not to say that I wouldn't take him back if he were willing. I would, but life is so short as it is...I am not sure that I have the strength or desire to wait 2 years for him. We'll see.

Thanks again for your response to me.

Dancer

I understand that Believer has said that she no longer loves her WH, and I can't say that I blame her.

He has gone through all THEIR money in the past 3 years, he wants part (if not all) of her inheritance (that I don't think she's even inherited yet), AND he wants her to move out of her home so he can move OW in.

I think he is hinting around in a last ditch effort to get Believer to take him back so he can manage to get his hands on whatever money she may have and then boot her out of her home so he and OW can live there.

I think I'd just ignore his letter. Any response at all would only feed his ego, IMHO.

Thanks for all of the input. I'm still thinking whether to answer his letter. This has been going on for over 3 and a half years. I have made it very clear to him, in 2 Plan B letters that the OW needs to be gone.

3 years ago, they broke up for 2 days. He thought that should be enough. It wasn't for me.

We have agreed on a property settlement, and he did give me the house and Harley. There is nothing left to argue about. I think he wants to be a good Christian man, but he doesn't want to give up the OW.

Whatever his problem is, I am done, and much happier without him. The only thing I miss is the 2 of his daughters that won't talk to me, and my friendship with his sister.

I would like him to finally admit that it was his relation-ship with the OW that broke up our marriage, but I don't think he will ever admit it.

Believer,
I'm really sorry that he felt the need to write to you at all. You have made up your mind and you have moved on but, even as strong as you are, I'm sure he has stirred up emotions and thoughts that are better left alone.

Sorry.

of course whatever you have decided for YOU is what i hope and pray you get....

it sounds like you just want peace and closure now believer

some of us just want happiness...and we realize that somebody else doesn't make us truly happy...that happiness begins WITHIN first...and dealing wtih a slippery ws for a long while is a relief when it's over.

believer, you and I are in same boat...I wuldn't take my xh back now. too much and too many things. and I applaud you for your strength.

also, I think if this man was truly a Christian, his spiritual side would have allowed for truth to finally enter his unrepentent heart and allow for a true change. which he cannot...heck he can't even admit he's shacked up with ow...it wuold cause his TWO FOLD SELF TO COLLIDE WTIHIN...the side which is really deluded with "i am a good christian man" stuff would collide with the ws and it would cause chaos.

sadly, some marriages are best being ended...and even some of us, the bs, don't see it in the beginning that it is best...a blessing in disguise.

You are right, Peachy. Our marriage is dead and can't be revived. I don't care enough to try anymore.