FWW & I have been doing pretty well, we are communicating much better than ever, and are much better friends. We are both happy with those aspects, however FWW is very hard on herself, and feels it belittles all of our progress because she does not feel to be "in love" with me. She loves me, she is also comitted to make things work, and this what she wants, but continues to be discouraged.
I am accepting, and believe it is OK for her what she is feeling, but it is very hard on her.

It has only been 1 month since actual NC, I really believe it will take more time, but she sees all the other positive changes, all we are doing right, and feels since we are doing so many things right, the romantic love and all that comes with it should return.
How can I remove some of that pressure from her? How can she remove some from herself?

Input from FWS that have been here that I might show her would be appreciated also.

Have a healer FWS talk with her on the phone?

Lumberman,

What your W is feeling is completely normal for a person in withdrawl. Unfortunately, it takes time. If you're both willing to hang in there (and it seems like you are), things will get better. OM was like a drug, and it's going to take a while for her to feel normal again. He became a coping mechanism for her, so it will help her to examine what she was trying to cope with/escape from and address that issue in a healthier, more positive way.

How long was her A?

Are you in MC? Is she in IC?

Is she on ADs?

I'm a FWW and my A was three years long. I started journaling after I confessed to my H is September of last year. I was re-reading my enteries last night, and it took four months of NC before I started really feeling better. As of May, I still thought I had feelings of "love" for OM.

Last week I had accidental contact with OM and I realized the fantasy was completely over. I don't "love" OM, and I told his W (who didn't know.)

Overall, it took me almost a year to work through my issues surrounding the A. I'm still working through them, with my wonderful H by my side. He is my hero.

If your W is truly committed, she will start feeling better eventually. As long as she works on the underlying issues that caused her to have the A, and puts her efforts into being completely honest and open with you, she will be successful (and you will be her hero for staying by her side.)

Just be patient with her and let her know you are always there for her. Keep talking and keep dating. Have fun. Have serious, real talks. Let her own her decisions and behavior, but offer guidance if she asks.

Keep us updated on your progress. Things sound like they are going well so far.

How are you doing?