My WW has been talking about moving the kids 6/8/11 to NY to be with the OM - this is her true love the guy that dumped her 13 years ago - before our marriage to get married.

He is a slime ball after the booty... she is starved for affection...

Anyways she has been talking to the kids about moving to NY to be with him and his kids.... he is in the process of divorcing, but still stays in the house with his ex and kids

I have started documenting everything I have a lawyer and she is very naive and is getting bad advice from friends doesn't have a lawyer

She now maybe has 3-4 friends and I am not sure 1 or 2 would even stand up for her in court... On my side I have friends and neighbor's saying I am a good dad and father and that she has issues....

So my question is anyone ever have to draft a letter that I could give to friends and neighbors that would help me in court showing I can provide for my children.

The best thing I think you can do is to document the time you spend with your children and the time she doesn't spend with them.

People cannot testify to things they don't actually see or KNOW, so part of your time with your children should be spent taking them places and doing things with them. Actually, you should be doing that regardless of whether anyone you know sees you out with the kids.

I do think that you could ask that she not be allowed to move the children out-of-state in the event that she does get custody, or you get joint custody. My son had joint legal custody with his ex, although she had primary physical custody. When she decided to move to Texas with her boyfriend, he refused to allow her to take the children. He now has custody of them, as she moved and left the children with him. They did have a rather nasty court battle, though.

I wouldn't send out letters to ask people to testify for you. I would simply ask them.

Oh, and I think you've mentioned your wife's lack of housekeeping. You should videotape the condition of the house. Our ex-DiL had dogs that she did not clean up after (major YUCK!), and after she moved out of the home that our S had provided for his children, he videotaped it. It was so nasty that he hired a cleaning service to come in. The lady who owned the cleaning service OFFERED to testify as to the condition of the house. He told her, "Thanks, but I've got it on tape." Her response? "Yeah, but you can't videotape STINK!" Yep, the house was THAT BAD! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I would also suggest not giving them any type of format or example. The best thing is to let those who know you write what comes naturally.

I had a very hard time asking people to write letters on my behalf when it came to my battle for custody. I didn't have anyone decline though and in fact just about everyone I asked had a suggestion for someone else to ask too.

Many people didn't write specifically about the affair. Many of them wrote simple statements that they had known me for (insert number) of months/years through school/daycare and had seen me almost exclusively pick up the children from school/daycare, at school events, volunteering, playing with them, etc.

I had people write about the relationship they noticed with me and the children and the number of times they remembered seeing us out as a family without XH.

They don't need to write specifically of the affair or it's effect. The court wants to know how active you are with your children, especially if it's in stark contrast to your WW.

Also, if she's trying to move them out of state you should be able to fight that fairly easily. My custody fight was triggered by moving them out of the school district only. We moved 50 miles away and it started a huge court battle.

Now, just because everyone doesn't HAVE to write about the effects of her affair doesn't mean a few well placed comments about that hurting your family and the time she had available for the children. Those are helpful too.

Basically, let people talk from the heart.

In the end I had family, friends, daycare parents, school volunteers and staff, day care providers, etc.

I had 32 declarations to his 3. Not a one from his family. One friend. One girl barely 18 who befriended my 8 year old daughter -(which I thought odd personally since she claimed my daughter was her BEST friend). One teacher who hardly knew him and knew NONE of the history (she was a mid year transfer) and was the mother to the before mentioned 18 year old.

Just go to people with a sincere request for any type of statement that can help you establish what your relationship with the kids is. People will be there to help and their personal words will be stronger than anything else.

Good luck to you!

FIM

Hi Viking-

Make sure that you already have some type of legal custody arraingement first, even if it is temporary, because this locks jurisdiction in your state, and as long as you live in your state, she cannot switch jurisdiction to another state. Your parenting plan (even if temporary) will say that she cannot move out of school district with the children without notifying you, and when she notifies you, object to it right away.

Keeping a log, as the others have said is the best thing to do. Get a small note book and enter now every visit you can remember from the past. And then from today forward, make notes in it everytime you talk to the kids or see them or talk to your WW. Write it in your own handwriting, begin each entry with a date and time, summerize any conversation or concerns you have. It will be the best peice of evidence you can bring into court and will help you to remember things that you may forget. I aslo agree to not let her know you are documenting, but as much as you can, make the entries right away while the contact is still fresh in your mind. Also, make a file and print out and keep every single email she sends to you or the OM sends to you (or any friends send to you in which they discuss anything about your parenting or your WW). During mine and my H's first separation I kept a planner/clander for this and made entries on the days (this was the only way to keep my mind straight at the time) and it helped me to reconstruct those first months perfectly when I would otherwise have forgotten so much or confused the chain of events.

allforone