Read a lot of the stuff on the website before deciding to post.

Trouble started about 18 months ago, my neighbour and her best friend both went through traumatic splits. Unfortunately, I had to be away a lot on business, and whenever I came home the three of them would be sat in the kitchen drinking. After a while this just became my WW and the neighbour. When I was away, I would phone up and he'd be round till all hours, just her and him and a bottle of wine. I tried to make it stop, but she said he was just a friend, that I was obsessive about him and did I want her just to sit on her own lonely.

Her behaviour started changing - she would go out with her friend but by some strang coincidence would happen to bump into him, come back at all hours, drunk. Again, it was me that was wrong and obsessive.

The music tasted changing, her drinking increased (I later found she had a problem with that), she started spending 100's on underwear. Thongs! She hated thongs all her life and here they were - never worn for me.

The first letter I found was in the shredder - don't ask me how, you just get some "sixth sense" when you know someone that well. I painstakingly re-constructed this (Sad) and was amazed. "I am without morals when it comes to seeing you". I was devastated, challenged her about it - she went ballistic saying that it was private and I had no right. She told me I'd got it all wrong and she was trying to express her friendship as he was feeling very low after his divorce. I don't know if I just didn't want to believe it was true - put it to the back of my mind. (Sucker)

Time went by, still the bottles of wine and what seemed to me more and more flirting. WW and I would fall out almost daily - she would not listen to me, said that I was making the love drain out of her.
Tried to patch things up, made it through Xmas although it was bad and I almost walked out the week before.

Limped into the new year. I came back from a business trip and found another letter in the bin. HE had tried to have sex with her friend whilst out drunk. My WW wrote "How could you do that to the only person who knows how much I feel about you."

I challenged her again, but again this was all explained away and I was reading it wrong etc.

Not long this we agreed to split (March 06) - she needed space and time to think about us. (Sucker)

About 2 weeks after this she said she couldn't see us getting back together, we were now separated and I should move on. Wow! this hit me badly. I wasn't armed to cope with this, I was round there crying and just pleading for us to get back. I managed to get her to 2 counselling sessions but she just wasn't interested and didn't like what she was being told.

My neighbour has moved away about 200 miles. He hasn't sold his house, that complicates his divorce.

About a week ago I found another letter to neighbour in bin. "You are my beginning and my end.I'll regret it forever if I don't tell you before you go etc."

Challenged her about this and she told me I'd read it wrong it wasn't true and anyway it was all over. They had agreed to be "just friends" and he didn't call her or text more than once a day. AAAAGGHH! I said I couldn't be her friend while she continued to be his friend - she said that was my choice but it would hurt the kids. (Sucker)

Found a pregnancy test last week - challenged her, guess what, it was for her friend - yeah right.

I have been trying desperately to get us back together, but too many tears and appeals and I think this has turned her right off.

I can't cope - I've been so confused by her lies whilst trusting her for all those years. Logic tells me that I shouldn't expect anything more than lies and hidden truth, but it's killing me. Had all the usual - she wasn't happy for so long, don't know if she ever loved me etc.

She's now telling me that she hasn't made a choice between me and the neighbour, she was just choosing her and she has found peace since living on her own. Says that she can't see anyway back, doesn't want to and I should get on with my own life.

I'm going to Doctor today to get some anti-depressants. I am ready to give up.

Kids - 2 girls 7 & 13
Married 18 years
Age 39
Split 22/03/06

Welcome to marriagebuilders. I hope that he moves completely away soon. Once he is out of the picture, things will get better in your marriage.

In the mean time, get some anti-D's and stay in a great Plan A. Read all about it here.

Thanks believer.

Found out today what I suspected, she went down to see him on Wednesday night.

Also just seen his car back on the drive (home for the weekend).

Had major bust up with WW, she's changing locks etc. proceeding with divorce.

I have to go to Plan B.

It's YOUR house...get back in there before you are stuck being a weekend father. If she wants to leave...she leaves.

Don't know the UK law but without a court order she shouldn't be able to lock you out of your own home.

Read up and post more....move your thread to GQII for more results...it is much busier over there. Did you read Longhorn's thread pinned to the top of this Just Found Out board?????

It ain't over. You've just got to fight smarter and more effectively.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

Get back into your house immediately and contact an attorney at once to understand the legal and financial obligations. It is your house. Do not abandon it.

Thanks for this. Too late. I know now I should never have agreed to move out but I'm renting a house and paying 2 sets of bills. She's changed locks on my home which I know legally she can't do without court order. I know legally I can fight this, but I've now got enough truth about A that I don't need to go back.

I have instigated D either on adultery or unreasonable behaviour - waiting for response.

Talking to all friends and family they tell me its over. I want to tie myself to the mast, let this A blow itself out and be there to pick up the pieces. Problem is there will be no guarantee that she'll want me back, and it's affecting me mentally and physically. In the meantime, how long do I wait? How much more can I take?

The exposure is taking its toll - she says everybody is turned against her and that I've slandered her - another reason we can't go back, and driving her deeper into A.

She's very angry and says she will instigate D and we should not speak to each other. I phoned her today, told her I love her, my love is unconditional and I can see a better and stronger relationship on the other side - Will now back off into Plan B.

Am I just living in a fantasy that we can salvage this? What's it gonna do to my own self respect?

Ho do I move this to GQII?

Hit edit on your first post. Then go in a copy the language to your clipboard. exit the edit screen and go over to GQII and on the main index page figure out how to start a new thread there ("post" I think).

Paste the contents of you clipboard. Then edit it to update to your current situation. I don't think you need the content of the replies you got here, just that you've been told on Just found out not to exit your home but you've already done it and not sure about going back, etc,

Mr. W