me 36, WW 33, DD2, DS5 10 years married. Dday May 8th. I've been working on plan A for 5-7 weeks and WW says things are %1000 better between us. She askes me though "how am I to forget about how I feel for OM?" She clams that she loves him. They had an EA only, but still an A. I'm making home as good as it can get right now. I have been changing my bad habits that drove her away and she knows that I don't put all the blame on her or judge her. I want her to love me. She won't touch me, but still goes on trips with me and the kids. We go to drinner and such. We get along well and she says "why didn't you change years ago?" I don't know, but I'm working my a** off trying to be the best me I can be. When will her love return to me?

thanks

Hi!! Get His Needs/Her Needs, by Dr. Harley....along with Surving An Affair. 2 books with a WEALTH knowledge!!

Ensure No Contact (NC) with OM!!!! Meet her Emotional Needs the best you can....WITHOUT BEING A DOORMAT!!!!! Fine line with that!

Sorry you are in this position, but the folks here are excellent!! Read my story for a source of inspiration!! Along with a search for Sendmeonmyway!! His story is incredible!!

You'll find tools needed here to give your marriage the best chance at recovery......best word of advice right now........PATIENCE!!!
MWIL

WELCOME

How are your holding up?

sleeping?
eating?
not obsessing?

be sure to take excellent care of yourself ~~~ Plan A wears you out.

Pep

thanks you two. I am eating and taking care. Sure I've lost 20 pounds, but needed to anyway. Just not this way. My WW and I are having more fun and talking more now than ever. I told her that I'm kinda glad I found out about the EA so now I / we can work on our marriage and make it SO much better than what it was. WW has told me over the last few years that "I don't tink I love you anymore" I didn't listen and I feel so bad now for the lack of husband I have been for her. We talk all the time now, but the thing that keeps going through her head is "what if I don't ever love you again?" I know there are no guarantees in live, but words of encouragment always help. I'm making home so nice and safe and I have told her that I know you are hurt, angry, confused and that I won't question you or demand anything - just feel safe and happy at home. I guess I'm setting up for plan B if needed. No more being there, talking to or meeting any needs at that point. I hope it will (if need be) be a real shock to her.

thanks agian and I realy do hate that this site needs exists for anyone.

Maybe, the two most important things that need to happen to recover after an affair are:

1. complete and absolute no contact with OP

2. 15 hrs of time together a week working on meeting emotional needs

Has contact ended? It sounds like you are on the right track by meeting her needs. Have y'all taken the emotional needs questionaires on this website?

Welcome to MB, sorry you are here, friend.

Hey ML,

thanks for the note back. My WW worked with the OM. WW has now quit her job and has a new one in a different city. I had a tape recorder in her car and I have the last good by on tape. OM said that while he was unhappy in his marriage that he my call my WW in 6 months or so. She told him no, that she didn't want to be part of that plan. So i believe that NC is happening. Some days WW is more depressed as expected. She is leaving someone she cared about very much. WW biggest hold up and guilt is not having feelings for me. I told her not to push it, it may take awhile. I also told her that I'm not giving up on us- not by a long shot. If I have to pull her along I will. I guess I need time right now. Time for her to lose attachment to him, then maybe she can find it with me. We do spend some time alone such as taking a drive or dinner. We get out to a hotel once in a while w/o kids. Its great, just no sex. She said it would be like sleeping with a friend. I just tell her I understand and that I'm trying to be a man about this and not rush her.