To All the Wonderful Folks Here at MB...

Many will not like this post probably...I've really had it. I'm ready. It's soooo over but I can't get past his arrogance and disrespect. We're working in mediation but I'm not sure it is going very well.

He is acting as if he holds all the cards...and I want him out, out, out of the house now. I don't feel the justice in any of this right now for having given it my ALL to this marraige waiting for him to make up his scrambled eggs mind.

I've been gracious, loving, forgiving, willing...OPEN...while he has been a WS. I don't want to live in this community with him and OW. I believe he tricked me into going to school to get my masters when I'd been a SAHM for 14 years...so now he has less to pay for "maintenance." He calls this a "gift"...and then wants me to pay for the student loans. He is nuts.

I want a new life and not in this community where his family and hers are large, influential and highly visible. She has moved a block away...I just what to get away and start a new life. He never gave two hoots about our kids development untill last summer when he started really "thinking" about his reality.

I'm sick of him living with me. Why mediate to a kind medium deal with him after he has been physically, mentally, emotionally, abusive to me and the children over the years. Why mediate when he is reluctant to show his business expense account. Why mediate when he is planning on hooking up with my X best friend.

This isn't pretty but I feel like a sucker here. Why should he get to be treated so well by me and my Christian values while he continues to throw crap at me.

I'm just not sure that I'm NOT BEING ASKED TO BE MORE CHRISTIAN than is truly healthy. How much do I swallow here. When do I get to say and have what I want???? He choose to break up our family not me so why do I have to support this house, smile about town while he runs around with this cheesy OW, continue to see my unsupportive IN-Laws and her family and all our friends all the time. All these reminders. How can I get a fresh start when there are all these painful memories...like the semi-threesomes they would try to talk me into just in the other room.

I'm such a shmuck!

Yeah I'm sad but I want this to be a spring board for a new life for me...without raising my voice and trashing my WS and OW all over town...why don't I start over somewhere...why because he choose to break up our family should I stay right here...am I to be his captive...I'm to think solely of the children first when he thought of himself..and perhaps moving would be good for them...imagine how they will feel when my WS introduces my EX best friend as his OW. They will want to puke I think. Why should I care about my WS feelings when he would like to wipe me off the face of the Earth...accept then he would actually have to DO the physical labor involved with having children.

Sorry...this scale is way off balance folks...I'm not sure I can overlook all of this. My WS is drowning in a sea of self importance...he is a BIG FISH in our village pond. So many people buy into this around here.

Come on...the city atty. told me that no one around this area would represent me because of his family's reputation and personal conflicts...but not to worry I would get a fair trial if it went to court...feeling really good right now folks. Oh the local judge wouldn't be able to try the case because of personal conflict. Oh feeling soooo good.

My dear WS...please move out of this house...he can walk in on me when I'm on the computer, and does at any moment. I have no true privacy from him. Meanwhile he goes up to his family's private law office and has all the advice and privacy he wants.

This isn't cool.

Strongest

I'm terribly sorry you're going through this and can relate to many things you said.

I moved to Frederick, MD because this is the area my ex ww is from. She and I got a quick no contest divorce and I signed away a lot of things. I moved here and have been surrounded by the locations and memoies of the places we went to when we were courting and dating. I'm no longer welcome at my former in-laws house and my ex treats me as if I'm an enemy.

I'm finally getting back on my feet and have gotten an attorney to file for a change of custody agreement. She is 26 going on 13 and has been regularly leaving the kids with the nanny and her parents so she can go on dates and clubbing. Meanwhile, I cry every day over not coming home to my kids and being with them. I used to put my daughter to bed every single night, reading to her, praying with her, giving her her bottle. I now have to settle for calling her before bedtime to say goodnight.

I think that I would fight for custody of the kids and move away. If your kids are older, they can choose to be with you and likely would if your husband is the one responsible for being an a**. This was the case with my parents. None of the kids would have gone with him and we would have made life ****** for his mistress. We did anyways and didn't even live with him.

Move away. It's the best thing you can do for yourself. Please take care of yourself, though. I know how devastating all of this is and if you're not careful you can become suicidal. I got to a point I was so depressed I checked myself into a hospital and was in the psych ward for 6 days. It was a great decision for myself, but it is bad that I got to that point.

Be strong. Keep your faith. God hasn't betrayed you, your WH has. He's the one that will have to answer for his actions and breaking the commandment.

I can relate to you in every way. I am so tired being stuck where I am because of him. We are so close to finishing the divorce. I wish he would just sign the papers and be done with it. I am so tired of him not caring about me or the children....until...he found out how much it was going to cost him and upset his lifestyle. Didn't he think he would have to give up something.

I have been doing my best to ignore him unless I need to talk to him about our child. Now he is asking why don't I call him back, sending me text messages all the time. I mean he has made my life a living ****** for the past year. Bouncing between me and the OW, calling me names and all when he does not like what I am asking for in the divorce. He thinks this is all OK because I made him do it.

I want to start over and move on and forward with MY life and worry about me for a change. I know he will always be in my life because he is my child's father. But that is it.

Good luck to you.

Strongest, since when does being Christian mean you have to be a door mat? JC had lots of boundaries. And there’s huge difference between forgiving and allowing others to continue to mistreat you.

Are you telling me you are trying to use mediation when you are married to a LAWYER??? Or even the offspring of a lawyer?

Darlin’ you need to find the biggest, toughest, smartest, most well connected divorce lawyer around. If this goes to court, you’ll want to ask to have it removed to a different district where your STBX won’t have played golf with the judge. You need to start fighting this thing tooth and nail.

As for moving… Of course, you need to move. You cannot live a block away from the mess, and neither can the children. That doesn’t mean you move across the state. It simply means you move a half an hour or more away.

I know you don’t want to live with him any more. Have your lawyer draw up some papers saying that because he has tortured you, you are moving out, but do not relinquish any claim to the assets. Make your STBX sign this paper. Without that signed, do not move out unless he’s a threat to your physical well-being.

there's a thing called "cutting your losses".

the moving a half hour away (or more) sounds good. there's your freedom and peace of mind.

this is what it sounds like you need to do to gather your thoughts and get away from his powerful presence (which you seemed to have convinced yourself of)

sounds like you become passive around him.

the lawyer issues is creepy, your in a small town no doubt.
You could hire a lawyer from another city? surely they don't have county wide corrpution ability?

I'm not sure I understand all of your post, but he has another woman already, but he's living with you? and you cook him breakfast? and he tells you to be a Good Christian...you feel like a doormat and want to go far away.

What would happen if you just took off for awhile and leave him to fend for himself (or would the OW sleep over and wipe his [censored] for him?)

good luck, but you kind of answered your own needs in your title...I want to move away...that says alot really, listen to yourself and do it!

Hi Papa of 3,
Thank you for your support. It is such a hard decision whether to move away or not. When WS and OW do come out of the closet it is going to hurt so much. I don't want to see them about town. I feel as though I'm going to be able to weather this storm without becoming depressed...I've been depressed before and I have absolutely NO intentions of letting that happen.

I feel strong and stronger everyday in some ways...it is just strange doing it all on my own. I'm doing it for my children.

Hi deannek,
Wow, you sound so determined and focused...good for you. I hate the pain, anger, and loss. I try to replace those thoughts with better ones...but it is important to grieve and mourn. I don't really like that part...I know it's important to let the tears roll...I'm having a bit of a challenge believing and accepting this...BUT I HAVE TO???? Right..because he is a cheater and a quitter.

Hi Greengables,
You sound like a Texan...:) Anyway thanks for your support. I'm just worried that uprooting my children from their friends, school, both sets of grandparents will be so painful for them...ughhhhhh!!! But torture for me to see my WS that I love and will miss walking down the street with OW..my old best friend. Double whammy.

Hi SRS1
Thanks for supporting my moving away...and this remark you made "this is what it sounds like you need to do to gather your thoughts and get away from his powerful presence (which you seemed to have convinced yourself of)
sounds like you become passive around him."

I like it when people say things that make me think. I suppose he has no power that I don't give him. Passive...oh yes...it became a mode of survival for me to my own demise. Now that I'm sticking up for what is mine in our separation agreement my WS is going a little loco...he, I guess, became very accustomed to my doing his bidding...and can't for the life of him figure out why I'm not taking directions from him anymore.

Thanks Everyone...I can always count of MB,
Strongest