I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 years. We have been living together for the last 2. I am ready for marriage and he says he is too but thinks that I am not.

He says his reason is that he thinks that I will be ready for marriage when I am able to tell him that I would take his side no matter what even if it is between him and my family. He says he would never put me in that kind situation - so I wonder why would he even ask me that then.

Example: He and I are at my mom's for dinner. He and my mom get into a heated arguement and he says I am leaving. Do I stay or go? I told him I don't know and it would depend on who started what and was acting out of line. He says no that I should go with him no matter what.

Now I am not saying that I would or wouldn't leave with him but isn't that wierd to ask someone that to see if they are ready for marriage. I have never heard about someone asking that kind of question to a person to know if they are ready to get married or not.

Does it feel to him like you aren't taking his side when he needs you to?

Maybe one of his needs is Appreciation. Have you both done the questionaires and determined your own and each other's important emotional needs? Might be a better indication of whether you are ready for marriage than this rather obscure question.

Regards,
rs0522

I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from. Just the end of last month my boyfriend and I were at his parents house for his dad's birthday. My birthday had been just three days before. No one bothered to tell me a happy birthday but I was expected to change my eating habits to please his mother. I had to stop eating sweets and caffiene because of my heart and my nerves. Doctor's orders. But when they were cutting cake and dipping ice cream I said I didn't want any that I didn't eat either one, his mother had one of "those looks" on her face and immediately David said, just make is a small one. I took the plate, tried to smile and tried a bite of the cake. It was awful. I've learned not to eat things like that over the yrs, and didn't enjoy even a taste. Immediately I turned around, dumped it on his plate and said he could eat it, I didn't want it. I went outside to smoke a cigarette and give him a chance to finish what was on his plate. When I came back in he was across the room from me w/everyone in between us. I simply said, "We need to talk".
We went to their utility room and I let him know that I was not about to become an a** kisser to his mother. That that better not ever happen again to me. What really burnt me was the fact that his sister's H didn't eat any and his mother was fine with that.
Now you tell me - what was the right thing for him to do?
He was in the situation so he couldn't see it for himself at the time.
The Bible tells us we are to leave our parents and cleave to our spouse. Those are direct instructions from a book that proves itself over and over. Regardless of the situation, I would have to leave w/my spouse first, find out the problem and then discuss feelings and actions with them. I might agree or disagree with them and let them know how I feel, but they have to know that they come before my parents - period. In fact there has been more than one time that my mother started saying negative things about the person I was with and I just let her know that I never wanted to hear another negative word about them come out of her mouth or she would not know what was going on in my life. That shut her up. But it's not her place to meddle in my life and it's not my place to put her before who I'm with - period.