Im asking for no particular reason other than curiosity.......

Me personally, I really didnt want to get a divorce, I wanted to keep the family together for sure......but, I found myself feeling like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. It took awhile.....a few months afterwards maybe, but I felt like I didnt have to be stressed out or argue or wonder if my spouse was cheating on me anymore.

Anyone else feel this way? Or are you still distraught over the whole thing?.....Or are you numb right now.

Just curious??

I had a great sense of freedom for myself, but at the same time anxiety over how I would care for my 2 children on my parenting days. (I was the primary earner and was out of the home for about 12 hours every day.) In retrospect, I should have divorced 5 years sooner when the signs of racism and bigotry first appeared.

Now, I have a new, but less rewarding, job, but it's closer to home, and I can care for my children.

The freedom came when I got my own apartment and decorated it with a few cultural items that my ex-wife forbade. Nothing special, but she hated Indian culture and wouldn't allow me to hang Indian artwork on the walls.

The ex-wife felt like an iron ball chained to my ankles. She had too many restrictions on where to eat, vacation planning, etc. There was no spontaneity, adventure, or challenge. Everything had to be sanitized, pasteurized, planned, and predictable. Now, I just throw a few things into the car, and improvise if I forgot something.

With regards to my children, I feel that at least during my parenting time, they will learn to accomplish things on their own, whether it's a card house or a crystal radio. My ex-wife would either buy it for them or hire someone to do it for them.

StartinOver, right after the divorce I felt very numb. Like I wasn't here on earth and I could see myself but could not comprehend much. I cried a lot, I am a woman. The thought of now I am a 'divorcee' just hurt my heart so much. I sort of withdrew from being with friends, making stupid excuses. I cried for my children, which I had 2 adult children and 2 high school children. I knew their life would change dramatically and I was so upset that we were not a unit anymore.

I did continue counseling and started to do things. Going through First Step, I healed some from the injuries the X did to me, and that was my first start on getting on with life. Through First STep, I was accepted to a University locally. I went to school for 1 1/2 years, taking 2 classes each semester. I worked odd jobs, cleaning horse stalls, cleaning houses, yard work, just to keep me busy. I saw myself growing every month to being a better person and not a crying individual. I would start talking to friends and asked them to please be patient with me while I work things out. I did start to go out with friends and was able to start smiling. I attended church when the affair of my X was found, and I did more and more things with the church, for church was my SAFE zone.

Now I am very pleased to announce, that I have really moved on. I started school fulltime in Sept. 2005. I will be graduating from school the end of August 2006, which is coming up soon. I worked at my church in the daycare center parttime in the infant department. And I found a contractor to work for parttime. I have developed more self-confidence and I do love being with family and friends. Schooling has put a line on how much free time I have. I now see myself as a woman that has grown in confidence and I have a future now. The loss of my H through an affair hurt deeply. I also lost my father to Ca during my X's affair. That was a double whammy on losing 2 people I loved at the same time. I know my father is in heaven, without pain. I know that my X is in Alaska and the other woman, by the way, dumped him. The X is in a commune type of scenario. He has now decided that he can judge me and his mother, by telling both of us that we are going to 4ell!!! For his mother doesn't go to church, but watches Joel Olstein on TV, and I am not attending the right church. For he told me about 1 month ago that his church was the only way. I didn't understand and asked for clarification, and he said his church is the only way to heaven. The X has an addictive mannerism.

You will feel numb after the divorce, but in time you will start to heal. The pain will never go away totally, but you will beable to handle it in due time. There are many here that can help you. Blessings....LoveinHim

Immediately afterwards I felt betrayed. It happened so quick but according to her it was a long time coming she just never said anything about it. heres how it went:

She didnt love me for about 2 years now
She wanted space to think about things
I moved out
She had her new boyfriend over the weekend I moved out
She wanted to see a marriage counselor
She wanted me to go to anger management
I made the appointment to see one
She didnt say anything in counlseing
I talked all the time in counseling about my feelings
We went to two sessions before I finally asked her if we were going to save the marriage or if it was to " help me transition" ( her words exactly)
She wanted the transition to be smooth
I was upset when she told me she wanted a divorce 1 day after our second session
I yelled at her because I felt I wasted money for therapy because she had already made up her mind and didnt say anything about it and was not honest about it.
She filed a restraining order against me for yelling at her saying she felt physically threatened ( in 12 years of being together I had never laid a finger on her ever and she told her lawyer that I pinned her up against a wall and held her there, even though there was a mutual friend of ours standing right there the entire time who said the next day when I told him about the restraining order that it was BS)
I couldnt see the kids because of the restraining order or talk to them at all.
Her lawyer started calling me ( which he isnt supposed to do at all) trying to be "MR nice guy and let me see the kids on fathers day)
On my birthday, the week after fathers day she droped off the kids and went to her boyfriends house and had sex with him for 3 hours, then went home and published it on her livejournal page.
I found out about it when I saw what she had written and called her up to talk about things
I went over there and asked her if she was in love with this guy
She said they were just friends
I asked if she kissed him
she wouldnt answer honestly for 1/2 an hour
I asked if they had had sex togetrher
She wouldnt tell me the truth and kept lying saying they were "just friends"
I went on to her computer, pulled up the spybuddy program, printed what she had written and read it aloud to her.
She said I was an *hole
I asid how am I the *ahole you slept with him and published it on the internet.
I told her to tell me the truth if they had had sex.
after an hour of lying still she finally answered yes they had had sex.
I told her I wanted nothing to do with her ever again, she had betrayed me and the kids so much by becoming a slut and sleeping around in the marriage and that I knew she had been cheating and had proof of it, written proof with her name on it.
She called me an * hole again.

After 1 month this is what happened. I loved her so much when it all started, after I found out she was sleeping around, I will never forgive her evr. No matter what she ever says. I hold cheating to be the lowest form of human resentment and I dont like cheaters at all. You comitted to a marriage on the trust of another persons love.
She lied through the entire relationship and I have to tell you that after talking to coworkers and friends, they all say that I glow now. They have never seen me happier in my entire life.
The truth is, I have never been this happy. I dont care about her anymore. She choose her path and is following it. I chose mine which was to try and rebuild and work on it. She had already started making plans long before there was talk of divorce.
Do I love her?
No. Not at all anymore and all my fgriends say that I look great ( ive lost 25 lbs) I go out with friends more often now ( I never went out before because she would always want to go out and would complain if I wanted to come with her because she needed her " private time"
her private time was to sleep around with other people.
I love my kids and despise my exwife. She is nothing to me anymore and nothing will ever change that.

You will feel pain for a bit but your best bet is to get a good therapist, talk about it and make things better for yourself. You will find that you are an incredible person without the other and that you can do awesome things.