Well WH just dropped kids off from his visit. Didn't have much contact with him, just to arrange visitation next time.

It was very sad to see him. I started thinking of our life together, how things used to be, things we did as a family, what could have been had he not had the A, and given our relationship a chance. For a minute talking to him, he actually seemed like my H again. Just for a minute.

Why did he have to do this to us and our family? This A. We could have had a nice life together.

Now were headed for D , and he's living with OW!

Will he ever realize the mistake he's made?

Am I crazy for even thinking this way, after all the he** he's put me and the kids through? He seems happy with the choice he's made. I should just be glad we're D'ing, but I'm not even sure anymore.

Sorry, but I'm really sad right now.

Sorry you are feeling down. I guess that is part of the process. Finally I got to the point that I didn't care. I can hardly wait to be divorced.

I'm sure the affair will end. They almost always do. But it might be too late for you.

Hi dear Catgirl,

I guess you're grieving for the loss, that seems very normal. You don't grieve the loss of the chaos and the pain - but you grieve the loss of the nice things, the friendship, companionship, the love.

I myself have been saddened, then amazed by the ease with which WS throws away any chances of having a good relationship. This A-thing really is an addiction I guess - question is when it wears off, and if the BS still wants to start over at that point.

I didn't - WH wanted to continue his life with me, saying "I'll never do it again" a few times too many. Not just one A, but more like a SA problem in his case. Too much for me to handle, and he didn't think he needed any counseling...

Take care of yourself my dear. Do things to make yourself feel good about yourself, with yourself. Time does heal these wounds, even when that seems impossible for some time after D-Day.

overseas hugs for
((((catgril)))))
Brit from Belgium

CG,

U R NOT crazy. U R hurt and in shock by why the most trusted member of your family has done to your family.

Please read the link in my sig line about the stages of grieving.

It will take time but when your mind and heart get in sync, you will see things a bit differently and moving forward will not be as difficult. Be patient, it takes time.

In the meantime, make sure you read Surviving an Affair and His Needs/Her Needs. Both are by Dr Harley. Those books will help you see you are not alone and the importance of being in a good plan, for you.

Hugz,
L.

Thanks everyone!

I do belive this is like grieving the death of a loved one. I have heard people equate separation/divorce to that. I can attest it is true. As horrible as this will sound, somedays I wish WH was dead. Then I would at least have closure and not have to wonder what if, or will I see him and OW around town etc. ?

I want my old life back! I never signed up for this! I honored my vows, why couldn't he?

I guess I just want/hope that he suffers like I am. Hopefully what goes around will come around. But as I said, he seems very content in his choice to be with OW. They are still going out to dinners etc. Wish the A would end and he would realize what he's done.

I have read most of Surviving an Affair. Will get His Needs/Her Needs tomorrow.

I'm trying to take care of myself and do stuff...go out etc., but no matter where I am or what I'm doing, my mind is CONSTANTLY on him or him and her. I just can't help it. I even dream of him at night.

So crazy! I know he's not worth it, but I still can't help thinking of him.

Hey CG. Glad to see your posts.
Sorry your still having a hard time.

I totally understand how you're feeling b/c I'm feeling it, too. It hurts to think of him w/someone else and I'm all by myself even though he accuses me of seeing someone - think it helps him feel better about what he's doing.

But, you know, I've thought about this many times and I did again last night. Make a list of all the things that you will be losing if you cannot make your marriage work. Make a list of all the things that you value in your H.

Basically, analyse what you've got and what you'll be losing if it doesn't work out. You may find, as I have, that what you're afraid of is losing a warm body.

In my case, I'm not losing a faithful partner who loves me and "has my back". I'm losing a philanderer who has no regard for my feelings. He has burned bridges w/my family and w/my daughter whom he adopted. She can't stand him and wants nothing to do w/him - I haven't told him that.

He has cursed me out worse than anything you would hear on Jerry Springer. He has taken and taken. His two kids are leaches that only come around when they want something. He is a nice nasty person that is obsessed with hand washing. He's a jerk.

So, I'm not going to miss him. Heck, we've been separated x 2.5 years so I don't even have his warm body w/me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I don't believe (but could be wrong) that this A will last. How could they ever trust each other unless trust isn't high on either's needs list).

I know it's easy for folks to tell you to start making your life about you and your kids. It's hard advice to follow; I struggle myself. But, I have got to stop allowing him to suck the life out of me by constantly wondering where he is/what he's doing. I need a life for me and my daughter and I plan to move forward with D.

Now, you have got to do what you can tolerate doing. No one here is going to have to live w/the choices you make; just you.

Hang in there and keep posting. There are some incredibly wise folks here to help you along the way, whatever path you choose.

God bless. And speaking of God, God loves your H just as much as he loves you. He just doesn't love the sin. Your H will be forgiven for the sin but will not be spared the consequences.