I am wondering what the women here think of having a good, old fashioned make-out session and just that. So often the conversaton turns to how long must people date before they have sex. It's as though there is nothing in between keeping one's hands and lips to oneself on the first few dates, and going to bed together.

I for one, enjoy kissing and making-out. On the living room couch, not up in the bedroom. I can draw the line there very easily. After all I figure that what she does with me, she will do with other guys, and visa-versa.

It seems like we have lost this art, and instead jump to the extreme of having sex way to early. Or assume, no sex means no interest. When what we should be doing is just enjoying some kissing and touching, with the clothes on, but no heavy sexy stuff.

Do the ladies agree with that?

I can't believe it! I had the most involved discussion about just this subject a couple of weeks ago with a bunch of friends!

I would LOVE a makeout session, and it turns out that so would all these other women, many of them married and partnered (which gave valuable insights into the same subject). The general consensus is that it's a luxury hardly anyone has these days, and yes, that it's becoming a lost art. One (married) woman said that she could HAVE the makeout session, but it would be a fantasy because eventually she would have to "pay" for it with sex, even if it was a day or two later. She hastened to add that "paying" was a bad word because it's no hardship (and we had a good laugh about this), but there was a wistfulness there. Why not literally savour the moment of the wonder that is kissing and the pleasure of touch, instead of using it as a prelude to something else?

You know... there is a LOT of intimacy in kissing and touching, and it occurs to me that the lack of making out is a sad reflection on our society these days. Lots of sex, but very little intimacy.

i agree... but, if i am with a partner, a loving partner i am in a relationship with, and i am having a "make out session" i will admit, it would be hard for ME, and i am a woman, not to want to have more and "finish" what we had started. but, when i am with someone i care deeply about, in a relationship, i am very sexual. so it would be hard for me to stop at just making out. if i had only been on a handful of dates with someone and we ended up in a makeout session, i could definitely have that be enough and not move onto sex because for me for sex to happen, it is only in a relationship. mlhb

I think I'm a sexual person, but I'm also a sensual person, and think this is why I can keep these two things separate (although not always!).

(BTW I didn't intend that only women would feel this way. It's just that I had this discussion with a group of women.)

I absolutely LOVE a hot make-out session - and I can stop at that. It takes me a long time of dating (months sometimes) before I can feel comfortable enough and have enough feelings for someone to sleep with them, so the make-out sessions are the "pre-game warmup" for me. My boyfriend and I spent almost a month and a half of dating, talking, and making-out before we went to the next step, and we are in our mid-40's! I can tell you, after one of the first hot and heavy make-out sessions we had (in the car, just like teenagers!) both of us were wanting more, and it did take effort to stop at that, but we did, and I'm sooooo glad. By the time we did make love for the first time, I was so comfortable with him and he with me, that I had the best "first time" sex ever.

I'm all for a hot make-out session -- and nothing more. I think it's great and I think it can actually increase sexual anticipation / excitement. Why not make-out? We used to do that as teenagers, why not now?

Even when I was married, we used to find time to just make-out. Ok, sometimes it was after SF or maybe even after SF, a nap and brunch, but it was all part of intimacy. Other times, such as when we were at a family or other social gathering, we would say something like "___, can I talk to you for a minute?" and then go into a private area and make-out a little and talk about what we'd do when we got home. It was great fun.

now THAT is cool neverthesame! i love being somewhere public and "sneaking" off somewhere and making out a bit! that is awesome... mlhb

Hello again. Auto here.

As you might have guessed i have a practical reason for asking this question. it is not just intellectual curiousity. i have been dating this lady about 3x. After our third date, she invited me in, served me coffee and told her views on sex to make sure I understood I wasn't going to get any for a while. So, I got to wondering afterwards, if women somehow linked a make-out session to having sex. In my mind they are very different, though one can lead to another. But not necessisarily. I guess come the fourth date, i will show my desire to have a kissing session and let her know that we will limit it to that.

Pure, I like your comment about intimacy and the lack of it. You're spot on. we often confuse intimacy with sex, but a good make-out session can be very intimate, very personal, all the while keeping things decent.

Hey, Nev, I used to do that with my STBX too! Way awesome.

Auto, I might be setting myself up for a few arrows here, but I don't think that women necessarily link a make-out session to having sex, I think it's more likely that we would think that MEN link a make-out session to having sex! I know things have changed over time, but the idea that men are "only after one thing" is REALLY deeply entrenched in women's minds. I think at least a part of this is because we remember dating boys, and boys can be... well... really insistent, and many of us forget that we are not dealing with boys here, but MEN.

Well, Pure, I do think that many men are out for the sex. The lady who told me no sex for a while, also told me that she has had that talk with other men, and most dissappeared very soon.

So, some of us guys can be real jerks.

I have not disspeared, and will be dating her soon for the 4th time. I don't require sex, but I do hope we will exchange signs of affection, to use a nice term. Lack of receptive affection will send me running a lot faster and farther than no early sex.

I have found that a few of the men I have dated when hearing I was not into a casual sexual relationship did indeed disappear. Their loss. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Men in touch with their inner boys, huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

That's a real important point about affection, Auto. Hope you get some! (Affection, that is.)

Pure, you can hope I get some of both. It's fine with me.

I used to be hung-up about that stuff, but since my ex wife - a member of the Church choir and lay minister - left me for her OM - who teaches Sunday school adult classes in his church - well, you can imagine, I am not big on morality preaching these days.

I figure as long as we are both honest with each other, take care not to do anything hurtful or selfish, and are both single, then I am doing a lot better than ex and OM.

A make-out session....oy, vey!!!!!

Where and when do I report!

Oh, Diplomat! Come here, honey.....I have something I need for you to do!

(princess is running off to find her sweety - it's time to makeout - thank you for the idea!!!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Oh, I forgot, he's at home, a gazillion miles away. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />