my story short i have another post but need immedieate help right now with new dilema.me and my wife were together for 6 years she always gave me cards and love letters the entire time.we went into a bar busness together and when i didnt work i lovebusted bigtime with not meeting any of her needs.i kinda seen it coming but the a happened i was just not informed of how to stop it at that point.i exposed affair to her family and she moved out its kinda hard to show her changes in me the last 50 days cause she moved out.i know the loving women i meet and married is still in there somewhere but like all of them is in a fog.i believe i shook off the affair she had but i think she is still in eaither withdrawal or looking to meet someone new again.this is very painful and the support group i set up to talk to her keep coming back to me sayin she is done with me regardless of consiquience of future.should i let go plan a plan b.im stuck whenever i call now its like shes plan b ing me?????im very cofused and with all my power want to save my marriage but i dont know what staghe i should be in cause i dont have many opportunities to see her and if shes tellin everyone were done should i believe it and walk or fight harder..i want my wife back

I hear yeah brother - we are in this fight together.

You don't have control over her choices you have control over you. You continue to work on you, bettering you identify and change what needs to be done to make you a better human.

If she says she wants you to file for D, you say I don't want D I want M if you want D then you file. She is projecting her justification for her ways onto you, don't give her any ammo.

Again Plan a until you can't then Plan B for yourself - both plans are marriage rebuilder's Plan D is moving on but even with moving on you can always come back and work on it.

You need to focus on yourself and life not her... god I need to listen to my own advice <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

i hear you loud and clear.lol wit the i need to follow my own advice.but it is true its hard and were probably in a fight not many people would even consider so right there we got to feel a little good about our value in this world.thanks for the advice and may god bless you and help your sitiuation.

JM,

Don't let your desire to have your W back cloud the judgement you need to survive.

Have you read those books I recommended? You may keep spinning around in circles over the demise of your M if you don't put yourself on a recovery path soon.

L.

HEy, JM,

Been awhile, wondered about you. Try to find 3 things you can focus on and write them down (ENs work great). Then, every morning, every chance, go over them.

For instance, my WS, needs admiration, so I looked up how to SHOW it and wrote it down. Then I read it to myself everyday and carry the card in my pocket. It is amazing how fast showing the EN becomes habit. Huge love bank filler: with WS near, get lost in the moment with your kids, laugh and play with them!

I'm thinking about you, man.

Remember she is in a FOG! The crap that comes out of her mouth will be unbelievable, even to her when she comes out (I think). I installed a keylogger and watch her email closely to see what she is feeling, then I focus on supporting that need. Sneaky, I know, but so is an affair.

hey man whats up with you r u making progress i hope you r.im gonna try wat you said cause im gonna start little by little thinking of a good way to get communication going again.let me know how youve been

Doing okay. WW is still in fog, but I sometimes see rays of sunshining thru. She had a bit too much to drink at dinner and said things that sounded very hopeful: en vino veritas!

Slow but steady progress. My situation is similar to the one "soul mate" example in SAA. So, making my WS leave will burst the bubble of their affair and expose it to the real world.

Hope all is well.

Brian

My husband has been gone only five weeks; have known about the affair since end of April. I know I'm in the early stages of this experience. But as each day goes by, my faith and hope wavers slightly. Each day feels like a year to me. I try to find signals from him to give me hope.

How does one keep the faith and hope? Is it by taking care of yourself, your needs and moving forward?

thats what the experts say here and by reading many posts ,you do get hope our sitiuations will work if we follow there advice most here recover stronger then ever