Thanks JL.

The advice on this site is fantastic. At times I wish I had used it better, and done a much better job. The benefits of 20/20 hindsight,and the whole learning process still frustrate me but we are where we are, and in a way, if I'd reacted less emotionally I wouldn't be the person I am.

The real hard part in all this has been the loss of my best friend. The betrayal and lies are nothing compared to the grief of losing someone you trusted with your soul.

I am one of many, many, many people who can't understand why people would do this to loved ones, especially children.

Has anyone got any advice on coping apart from the AD's which the Doc. won't give me.

XW starting to date now. I'm finding this next stage tough.

Any paractical advice / reading on grief etc. would be very welcome.

CEG-
Why won't the doctor give you AD's? There are a lot of mild ones that you don't even notice that you are on them, just that you feel better!

Sadmo

CEG - Why don't you copy and paste your post to the 'After Divorce' forum? There might be somebody in a similar situation to you who can offer words of comfort and practical advice.

I'm not good as a regular poster I have to say.

Couple of things if anybody's got an ear.

Plan A/B. In all honesty, I haven't done this at all well. Most difficult part is the contact we have over the kids.

Found this odd thing going on with XW. When I distance myself from her physically and emotionally, she somehow draws me back in. She always finds some excuse to have to talk to me, not particularly nice stuff, maybe for a bit of critisism or something over the kids. But a bit like a ball on a string pulls me in a bit, then when I get too close boots me away again. This is why I've been failing. Doh!

Been at a conference this week. The last speaker was an add on, a motivational speaker. He's this guy who went blind in his 30's. Rather than have a pity party (we've all been there) he walked across Antartica, climed the Himalayas and Kilimanjaro, went down a bobsleigh track solo, flew a microlite from Europe to Australia.

OK, apart from being a bit of a nutter, he said some very key things:

Winners never quit and quitters never win. A winner gets up one more time than they fall down.

Life doesn't consist of holding a good hand of cards, but playing a poor hand well.

This guy talked about attitude and your attitude to life. The only thing holding you back is your attitude.

I finally realise that there is nothing I can do to control what's happening with my X. I can only control me. I can sit here and be unhappy forever and a day, or I can change my attitude to it and be a whole lot happier. My attitude is in my control.

The pity party is over. Turn the lights off on the way out.

CEG,

Sorry to hear of your divorce - I have been following your thread periodically. You're right, your attitude is in your control & the first steps towards becoming a happier, healthier & more whole person is realising this.

If your doctor won't give you ADs then change practice (or see another doctor if one is available in the same practice); or you may want or give St John's Wort a try, you can buy it at chemists, health food shops (& prolly Asdas). It may help.

BM

Thanks bulletproof. I'm also from up North (West).

Gone for dark Plan B now. Started a couple of weeks ago. Fell over in a couple of days, as wasn't getting any response. Doh!

Picked myself up. Got a calendar, which travels with the kids. I mark on it when I'm expecting them to be with me so there's no real conversation over that.

Started despatching my mum to pick them up.

Actually feel pretty good about it. Subduing anger and loe all at the same time, but she's not there for me to bleed all over.