I'm a long way from recovering my marriage, but does anyone have good tips on what to say to the family and friends afterwards if the marriage does succeed? My parents in law were there when I found the pictures. My mother-in-law went thru the same thing and is just as angry at his behavior, as well as my father-in-law. My parents though are furious with him. There is no history of infidelity in our family. They are a wonderfully old-fashioned moral family who would be horrified to hear all of the details. They know he had an affair and that along with previous behavior, has turned them against him. If our relationship does success (hope, hope), what is a good response to them? Because I'm sure I'll hear an earful.

I hope too Kate. A good response would be that WE are working on it and Nothing more. <BR>The recovery is on you two and any interference from the outside should be avoided. During recovery, Do not tell them anything. Keep family and friends out of it. But now you can use them for support. Keep in mind that you do want to recover the marriage so be careful of what you say and if you can't say anything nice about him to them, don't say it.<BR>My prayers are with you.

Kate31 I'm not sure I should be answering you because I'm not where near this as H left and hasn't come back. But... this is something I have thought about. I know I won't have any problems with my in-laws because they will be able to forgive him if he comes back. However......my mother is a different story. She will never forgive him and will not treat him very good at all. I have to make a decsion. I love my parents very much and I know they want what is best for me but It is my life and I have been living it for the past 27 years with H. I hopefully do know what is best for me. I think your parents need to betold that you love them but you know what is best for you and getting back with your H and working on your marriage is what you want and you hope they will understand. I don't think you can say much more then this and maybe you will have to visit them without H for awhile. I'm hoping that when I get this chance, my parents will know it is kind of like love me love my H or a least try to for my sake. I know if my daughter left her H because of an affair and then they were able to work it out, I would accept him back into the family or at least tolerate him because it is her life and she needs to do what she feels is right. I knowtoo I will get an earful to but you can tell them that until they walked in your shoes they really don't know what they would do. Hope this helps.<P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

kate wow!!!!!!! you are the first post (person) whom knows what is going on with me wow!!!!<P>h needs more sex so i let him cheat i am a weak fly but like you>?? he may leave me one day

carol-i'm glad that, embarassing as it is, that I could provide some support in that way. I think we women have such low self-esteem that we try to keep our men happy anyway that we can. I sometimes think - why am I here. My H was never home, not willing to attend church, partied, and had an affair, and encouraged our marriage downward. But I have to be positive. I truly feel that God is leading me somewhere. I can only hope that the prayers of my family, and those on the board here, will help our marriage succeed, if it is to be. I will include you in my prayers. Remember, don't be a doormat.

kate thank you for your post and pray i do not go to church but please pray for me too<P>I have done everything to make my H love me and I have done everything i could do to please him at times i say nothing when i should say something i could not live my life with out him so yes i would put up with OW perhaps it is just something he needs now<P><BR>i am just a weak women who is holding on for dear life<P>thank you again

kate31, if your marriage succeeds you don't have to say anything to anybody. Let your happiness and your renewed respect, love, and trust for each other speak on their own. As long as you know have patched things up and are genuinely happy, you don't have to justify or explain anything to anybody. People will see genuine happiness and respect it, and respect you for making the effort to be together in the face of adversity. <P>carols22 - AMAZING! It's really stunning how you "reply" to somebody else's post and immediately try to turn the focus to you. This isn't your thread - instead of obsessively trying to turn attention to yourself all the time try and help the person out who originally asked the question!!! I have read many of your posts and see only a person who willingly walks themselves into bad situations time and again so that they can whine about it afterward. You are a very needy and insecure person IMHO and are the direct cause of all your troubles. You will only suffer for as long as YOU choose to suffer. Go grow a spine and make everybody happy.<P>Elixir

<BR> Just ask your parents to be happy that your happy and to trust your decisions.If you tell them anything make sure its the positive.

M't:19:5: And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?<P>M'r:10:7: For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;<P>I would suggest focusing on where your marriage is before focusing on others opinion of it.

Elixir,<P>What's with the dump on Carol22??? I think that was a bit uncalled for.<P>Men and women do not communicate in the same manner. Men solve problems. In other words, if someone has a question, a man responds: "Well, here's what I think you should do." Women relate. When given the same problem, a woman is more likely to say "Wow. I really understand. The same thing happened to me." If Kate doesn't like it I'm sure she can stick up for herself.<BR>