1issue,
I have to tell you that when I first read your post, I was angry. You are getting responses from betrayed spouses who have struggled with the other side of what you are experiencing. It sounds like the excuse train has begun and the next stop is finding someone who will meet your every need and desire....just like so many of our WHs have done.

As the BS, I struggle with trying to keep my body as attractive as possible for my H. You see, my breasts are sagging, my butt is not as shapely as it once was, my legs are a little less firm....responsibilities and life have taken their toll. Funny thing is, my H looks a whole lot different than when we first met, but that doesn't bother me. That's not one of my ENs.

I recommend that you really read the articles on the MBs website. Print off the emotional needs (EN) questionnaire for both you and your wife. Sounds to me like you are experiencing a lull in your marriage, that for so many leads to an EA or PA. It's those lulls that require the most work. Recall your vows...not once did the preacher say "til death do you part, or one of you puts on a little weight". Remember your vows. Don't make decisions that will forever impact your marriage, just because you feel sorry for yourself. There will always be women to tempt you and play on this weakness in your marriage. Maintain the integrity of your marriage. Get back to the dating phase. Romance your wife and fall in love with her again. Make her fall in love with you again, too. Do this before you lose your devoted wife for good.

I wish you luck because you are on shaky ground. Stop kidding yourself. That hunt that you talk about can bring with it many dangers. The grass is not greener on the other side. Best of luck.

SS

Thank you for your honesty, 1S...

SF is not sex...it is sexual fulfillment...it IS an emotional need...and I don't think you are aware of your emotions...you have them...you felt love for your wife when you married her...you experience sorrow, anger, frustration, repulsion, rejection, joy, pride...

Would you look at SF from the viewpoint that you can't conquer? It's a mutual decision for a purpose...you can't make her have SF...and rape ain't SF. She can't make you, either.

Fulfillment is the key part here...an act of intimacy, recognition, acknowledgment, acceptance, celebration, connection...a union? Do any of those help you out?

Appreciation? Validation? Admiration?

If you're saying you've closed off your feelings within SF, detaching it from an EN...that would indicate you are definitely experiencing a fear of intimacy...which makes sense, given your past relationships. Marriage is at a level much deeper than those other relationships...cemented, you might say...and whether it survives or thrives depends on your courage to be intimate, though you fear it.

Like LMJS...making something the issue distracts from the real issue. Hence, other women, those potential hunted, pose no intimacy threat whatsoever...they are objects, not people...no level, no relationship...no comparison. No threat.

Good luck.

LA

Buy her the book for 'for women only " by SHAUNTI FELDHAHN.
my husband bought me that book as a gift and it really touched my heart, she explains how a man feels when his wife lets herself go, and also how "visual" men are. it really helped me to get on track to lose weight and get in shape, if her butt is all that bothers you lovingly encourage her to help you do some squats and then you help her, thats what I have been doing to get my fanny in shape and when I cant walk the next morning I know its working!. I wish my husband would workout with me, but he wont, and I have the same problem somewhat , he rejects me sexually.