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[color:"purple"] Hello There...to All the Wonderful MB Folks...[/color]
OK...quick overview...
-I'm in mediation (reluctantly at first) with my WS (last 2 months)...
-He told me I needed to find some employment last year because our finances were low (true...but no different than usual!)
-I'd been a SAHM for 13 years
-I thought I would like to become an art teacher and suggested a program where I was a full-time student going to night school for 18 months. He agreed.
-I also said I suspected that he was trying to make me become financially independent to avoid maintenance...he wouldn't end contact with OW at this point. He was offended at my suggestion and said absolutely NOT.
-My counselor thought it would be a good idea for me to go to school just the same.
-This December I should graduate with a Masters in Education and teacher certification in elementary, special ed., and art.
[color:"green"] SO.....I HAVE LOVED BEING A STUDENT AGAIN....LEARNING MORE AND MORE....WELL... [/color]
...as I've been in classrooms...and have grown in my understanding, sensitivity and compassion for children with disabilities...I find myself incredibly drawn to these children with mental, behavioral, or emotional disabilities...I find myself unable to think about anything else but wanting to become an [color:"blue"] ART THERAPIST....LIKE CRAZY!!! [/color] ...(besides it would be so rewarding working with children individually and possibly reaching them and making a positive difference...what could be better...and I would be getting PAID to do something I think I would LOVE...YAHOO...and almost twice the pay as a teacher too!...sorry teachers...we're underpaid and undervalued.)
I didn't really mean for this to happen..
...but now that my WS wants a Divorce to be with OW...he is going to freak when I announce in mediation that I want to continue schooling. He wants me to start bringing in an income so his standard of living can improve ASAP for him (and OW...surely)!!
Well I've been thinking...why should I take a job where I will feel frustrated and believe I have a talent or passion that I'm ignoring just to hurry up so they (WS and OW) can get on with their life together building their love nest ASAP. HA...sounds like a prison sentence to me.
What does anyone think??? Do I sound like an abnoxious spoiled brat??? Do I sound like I am being too selfish?...I mean if I "believed" him when he said it wasn't to make me self sufficient but just bring in more $...then well...
I would feel better about just being an art teacher if it was a sacrafice for the "family team"...but now I'm starting to think ...heck there isn't going to be a "family team" anymore.
He is being selfish...so why can't I now? [color:"red"] Am I being too selfish is the question?[/color]
Strongest
Last edited by Strongest; 07/16/06 10:00 PM.
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I say go for it. Explain to him that you realize that he wants you to be able to get a good income, and is not in a hurry to end support so he can raise his standard of living.
Let him know that he will be helping his kids by letting mom become something she wants to be that will also pay well for many years.
It sounds like you would be good at it. I would continue school no matter what.
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Do it!!! Go for a doctorate in it and let him pay for it if he wants out so bad otherwise tell him you can stay married forever if he wants. (not really but let him know that you aren't the one trying to get out).
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Post deleted by californiapoppy
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Joined: Apr 2005
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I say go for it. Explain to him that you realize that he wants you to be able to get a good income, and is not in a hurry to end support so he can raise his standard of living.
Let him know that he will be helping his kids by letting mom become something she wants to be that will also pay well for many years.
It sounds like you would be good at it. I would continue school no matter what. [color:"purple"] Hi believer[/color] THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!!!! Your words of support mean a lot to me right now!!! I want this....I like how you stated how to explain this...I didn't even realize how this would in the end save him money...true...certainly I would be happier....happier mom...happier children! Thanks again...you said just the right things...you're one of those angels here posting on MB! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />Strongest
Last edited by Strongest; 07/17/06 03:43 AM.
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Do it!!! Go for a doctorate in it and let him pay for it if he wants out so bad otherwise tell him you can stay married forever if he wants. (not really but let him know that you aren't the one trying to get out). [color:"green"]Hi hopeandpray, [/color] What a cheerleader you are...I'm feeling so much relief hearing support. You're funny about staying married forever...I think he would think that was a fate worse than death right now. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you...doctorate?...I'd love it...how exciting really!! Wow life would be sooooo incredibly interesting for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />Strongest
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I totally relate to this. My ex is furious that I'm returning to grad school, which is a nice side benefit. I mean, I didn't do it to piss him off, but if it does, so much the better...
He thinks I should instead work fulltime at whatever menial office job I can snag just so he will owe less support each month.
Funny thing is, I'm headed for a rather lucrative career which in a few short years will have me earning enough that he'll pay virtually no support for the remainder of the time until our son is 18.
Maybe I should just rethink my plan to do all this hard work and studying and take that menial office job he's pushing for... it'll cost him more in the long run if I do what he wants! LOL!
I'll just say "DXWH, I've given it a lot of thought and you are right. It's so selfish and wrong of me to go back to school to create a better life for myself and our son. I've decided I'll be earning minimum wage working 40 hours per week just as you suggested from this day until our son turns 18. Thank you for helping me see the light. What would I do without you and OW's sage advice and brilliant suggestions on my career moves?!"
Do what's best for you and what will make you happy. HE no longer dictates your life. You decide what's best for you. Didn't he get the memo as to what a DIVORCE means? [color:"blue"] Hi californiapoppy, [/color] I Appreciate your clever response BIG TIME!! I'm feeling much better about making this choice. The fact that he would benefit in the long run is such a good point. This will make me happy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> and if he is furious...I guess that is his fury...I can't help that. I've certainly had to contend with all my emotions on my own...no one is fixing them for me...because of this Affair ...This is DIVORCE afterall. He no longer IS going to be the head of my world, after Christ/God, of course. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! It's kinda scary, creepy, exciting, exhilirating all at once to lead and not seek his direction, instruction, permission, or approval...this maybe the "gift" of my marraige/divorce with him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />Strongest
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One of the only good things about divorce is that you can now work on your dreams. I was miserable at first, but there are lots of pleasant things about it.
Of course you still have young sons. But I am able to have ice cream for breakfast, sushi for dinner, and have done many things that my husband would never have wanted to do.
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Unfortunately I just found out WXH and OW may in fact be lurking on this forum, and since my attorney is reopening the custody/support issues in light of the recent events which have negatively impacted our son, I must delete my posts. Thank you for all your support.
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'Stay in college.
Get the knowledge.
Stay there till you're through.
If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread,
they can surely make something out of you."
-Mohammed Ali
Go for it....Use this time to become what you dream.
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Posts: 1,892
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Strongest,
Tell us again why you would care one iota about what your STBXH thinks? I must have missed it.
Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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