[color:"red"]To All the Wonderful Folks in MB Land...[/color]

[color:"purple"]Thank you for your support!! I'm feeling good...and it's all your fault...hahahahaha. [/color]

[color:"green"]Strongest <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> [/color] [color:"green"] [/color]

Good. My WXH and I were also high school sweethearts, so I know how devastating the betrayal is, and I wish us both the best: Closure, moving on, letting go, and eventually happiness beyond what we ever dreamed of!

Strongest...moving on and letting go will happen in due time. I was here a long time ago, and came back recently. I was manipulated by the X, under the fear of moving on my own, not knowing where to go, and what to do. But now, my life has changed around. I am happy, moving on with a new career, going to school fulltime (which the X wouldn't let me do). I am getting the house fixed up and finished (which the X didn't get the inside of the house done). We built this house together. I am looking to putting the house on the market next year. I have a great church, and so many church family members that I truly enjoy. I am enjoying the great game of golf, my X wouldn't allow me to do this either. My brother is teaching me and it is just wonderful.

I have found new life, new awakening, and new love. I love the outdoors, the colors of the universe. I am an artistic person...and living with my X, I was stifled.

One should put a thread of long timers and their new beginnings or new life. This would be good for the ones here hurting and wondering what is going to happen. Yes, there will be those few that just didn't let go and moved on. But I do think this would be an inspiration for those needing help.

Hi Californiapoppy,

Thanks for your response...the rest of your post made me cry...it's like I'm feeling good and then I remember...it hurts so much...when will the tears stop? This is really hard but I'll keep plugging along...

"Losing love is like a window in your heart...everybody sees you're blown apart, everybody feels the wind blow..."Paul Simon, Graceland

Oh God, you hit it I can't stop crying...I feel blown apart...and it's so true everybody's face reveals that they feel the wind blowing...what a perfect analogy...what can you or they do about the wind? ...nothing...just let it pass...it feels like it is passing right through my heart...where was his love?...where did it go?...but it is gone...he is still here physically but his love is gone.

I suppose becoming an art therapist is like learning to fly a kite in the wind right now...

Thank God for what I do have to hold onto...or else I could see where someone would let it go to far and not learn to live with it.

I didn't want this. I was always so proud that his and my parents weren't divorced...and thought that would be in our favor...I always thought we were better adjusted because our parents stayed married...I used to feel so incredibly sorry for people who had parents who divorced let alone people did divorce...especially when someone else was involved.

It hurts so deeply to think of our good, great, awesome times right together right now. I know we had it all. I know there were moments when I felt like I was the happiest luckiest person in the world and we were holding hands and he was lying next to me on a Suday afternoon with the sun streaming in through the window.

I suppose change happens and I will change with it like it or not...I love him so much, not who he represents himself to me now...but then...but he has been long gone.

I hate thinking of my part...where I failed. It's tempting to think about never opening your heart again. Certainly it needs to finish mourning the loss here...oh it aches...One door closes another opens...right

At least I'm not without hope. My poor babies are going to hurt...this is life...and they will grow...they will be those children I always felt sorry for...now I need to prove that they, I can stand alone. With Strength. I can still be strong with a tear in my eye.

The world is opening up wide now with thousands of options and I can handle it...by taking my time and loving me and my children...even my STBX. That I don't think can stop. It's so hard to say goodbye.

Mediation is the process of the long goodbye. I can't close my heart to him. Yet I think a part needs to in order to move on.

I've got to do my homework...I could do this MB board all day!

Strongest

Dear LoveinHim,

Why did I give him so much control...whatever the reason that is my part.

Thank you for your thoughts, I know I have passed through some kind of birth canal...if you will....I used to feel like I was in a tunnel and wasn't sure where the light was...then I could see the light...now the tunnel is behind me somewhere and I'm starting to climb that mountain and soon I'm going to be singing "The Hills Are Alive With the Sound of Music"

Someone asked me what my favorite childhood memory was...it was actually coming home from high school on a windy day and spinning and spinning and spinning around in our large open yard for what seemed like 45 minutes until I started to feel a little self conscious and silly

...I thought why was that my favorite memory...because I was intune with my surroundings, happy to be here and free...it was a natural high...I truly felt like a child of the universe...of God's

I sleep with a fan blowing on me (even in winter)...wind...I love the sound of wind in the pines...and a breeze that touches my face can be spiritually moving for me at times...it's beyond me and it can touch me
tenderly...it let's me know, reminds me, God is everywhere.

Sometimes it is really exciting to have a furious wind storm...safely inside my house of course <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. I guess you could say in my analogy to God I do have a healthy respect and I do fear God's wrath.

Wow..I got off on a poetic...stream of consciousness here...now I really need to get back to my homework!! class is in 4 hours and I have to type a two page paper.

Strongest