I met someone 6 months before my divorce was thru and had a long distant relationship with him until today

Despite me initiating breaking up 5 times due to a lot insecurity issues, i am still with him.

The last time i posted here i said that i broke up with him. After 2 months trying to decide want i want...i still dont know what i want.

I could not find anything justifying to break up with bf despite him not being around most of the time or the lack of communication between us.

Each time i find a fault in him, i also find a fault in myself.

If that day i am feeling stress out due to work or just PMS at work then I feel this relationship is not going any where and i feel like breaking up. But if i feel optimistic and happy then i think i already had everything so why not just wait and see...

I am going at this relationship blind with just faith alone. I am NOT spiritually strong either so the going gets tough at times.

At this point of time, we are both keeping it very very low with almost no communication. Neither is saying "the end" yet.

I did say it 5 times and he NEVER said it even once yet.

Now i do not dare to say it anymore because each time i do that, i hurt bf and in the end i still find myself loving him.

Without communication, maybe this relationship will die a natural death. Will it?

ZC~~

I was you, I do understand.
I believe my record was 3X to break it off. It bothered me each time I broke it off w/him, but I knew it was in both he and I's best interest. Yet, each time I would go back.

For me, I didn't take the time to heal from my marriage and learn to be alone and be okay with that. I wanted it all I guess. I wanted/needed alone time, but needed the crutch of someone significant. I'm not proud by any means. It was the weakest time in my life.

The final break came when he met someone else during one of our low communication times.
That is what it took for us to totally part ways.
I've been considering starting a thread because I have my own ?'s regarding him currently.
It's been a year since our relationship ended.

I've dated in the meantime and that was very needed on my end.

My best advice if you are feeling so torn is to make the break. It will be hard, very hard, but if the two of you have any chance at being together it may be what is needed.

Take the time to know yourself and make sure your not with him because of fear of being alone.
You mentioned you are not spiritually strong. Do you go to church? I have found such comfort in church more so in the last 4 years than any previous time in my life.

Thinking of you and understanding,
Karona

Karona

Thanks for sharing with me.

It is because of bf that i found my way back to Jesus and have found comfort in that. Before i met bf i barely go to church and i will not get caught going to any church activities. Now i go every week, pray everyday and join a prayer group every friday.

It is also because of him that i found out MORE about myself and learn to improve. At 1st i found so many things wrong with bf and yet all those that i found wrong in him reflect back to me like a mirror.

Bf lives 3 hours flight away so i am alone most of the time. I am not afraid of being alone. It is the loneliness that i dont like.

The final break for me would also be if he meets someone else during this period.

I dont mind sharing this thread with you if you want to talk about issues regarding your ? with ex bf

Its tough when you have this question at the back of your mind wondering "if he is the right guy or not?"

I am at this junction where i can see all the things i hate in him and all the good things i love.

I love this guy. I could imagine myself marrying him.

I think the issue here for me is commitment. I want more commitment and he is not ready. So where do we go from here?

I am going to ramble on...

Its been 7 days since his last text message to me, 14 days since we spoke to each other and one month since i last heard the "i love you" from him. I am keeping score. Bad for the relationship i know but i cannot help it. Our interaction is very few so its very easy to keep count. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

When i read my own posting, i feel like telling myself to dump the person.

Yup, this is the strangest relationship ever or i am very gullible.

Why have i not dump him yet?

Because...

1. I dont want to hurt him

2. I love him

3. Believing in the Lord (or trying to) that HE will show me the signs when the time comes. Either my feelings for him will fade away or we will be brought closer together.

4. Its not entirely his fault...neither have i initiated any calls to him during this whole period.

I will call him eventually...maybe on tuesday.

He called me on Monday. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We spoke for 40 mins.

He said he loves me and was still committed to me.

For me, I think this is a sign that perseverance works and i still have a lot to learn.