On a hot summer day in July of 1981, a young woman and man wake up knowing that by the end of the day they would be vowed to each other by God.

Any fears they had were taken away by their love for each other. They knew they could overcome anything or so they thought.

As the young bride walked down the aisle in her long white wedding dress all she saw was the man she loved waiting for her at the end. She saw the love in his eyes and felt like a queen.

Through quivering voices and tear filled eyes they vowed to love and cherish each other forever. The day was so full of hopes and dreams of the future. A future they thought would last forever. They belived no one or anything could part them, they had become one.

As the years passed many of their dreams came true, along with many heartaches but nothing tore them apart they leaned on each other. The joys of having three beautiful children and eventually two grandsons. The heartaches of loosing their fathers and almost their daughter.

Twenty-four years later in one day their world was ripped apart. The once young man who had been a loving and devoted husband said, " I love you but I'm not in love with you." What did this mean the woman thought? She asked the question and got the answer that forever changed her life. He said he was in love with another woman. How can that be she thought, how can you just fall out of love so easily and love someone else so fast?

As the tears of pain swept over her she knew her life had changed forever. The once handsome and devoted husband was not who she knew him to be. The once happy couple had been tore apart by infidelity.

So on this same July day 25 years later she wonders where did it all go wrong? As she thinks back 25 years and remembers that day of love and joy, she wonders is he thinking of it as well? Or does he block the memories out so he does not have to face the truth and pain.The truth that his own selfish choices tore his family apart.

Does everything he lost mean so little to him? The love and respect of family and friends his home and everything they worked for? All he has now is a woman who cheated and lied with him. There are so many questions with no answers.

As the woman reflects on the last year of her life she realizes so many things. Things about herself she never knew. She learns you can live through the pain, you wake up each day and it becomes less and less. She know knows she can stand on her own two feet even though its not always easy. But the most amazing thing she learned is the strength she has, the determination to live and be happy. There are some regrets but yet she knows she tried so very hard to save her marriage. There are some things she wishes she had done different but all in all she did her best.

Even though her heart was broken in a million pieces she does not become bitter, she knows she still has the ability to love again. She holds the love for her lost ex-husband in a very safe place in her heart. He will always hold a special place there. She will love again someday when God says the time is right.

As the woman gathers her strength and heals herself, the man is standing on shifting sands. He has learned nothing yet he has just run away from it all. One day the tide will roll in and the sands will wash out to sea, he will be left floundering in the waves and finally see everything for what it really is. He will see his happiness was all a mirage, his other woman a person not worthy of all he gave up. He will have to face himself and see who he has become a liar and a cheat. He will question himself, what have I done???

Life changes in the blink of an eye. Love comes and goes, yet we must continue living. The memories will always be a part of us, the good and the bad. We will continue to learn from our mistakes. We learn to accept and forgive the shortcomings of others and ourselves. We hold our heads up high and pick ourselves up and move ahead. We trust in God and his plan for us. But most importantly we learn to love ourselves again.

((((Hinokie))))

I am certain he is aching in his soul today .... just as you are.

Infidelity SUCKS

(((((((((((((((((HURTING))))))))))))))))))

{{{{{hurtin'}}}}}}}}}

I am so sorry for your Hurting. You have been through a lot and memories don't really fade away do they.

{{{{{{Hurting}}}}}}}

WOL

These days certainly suck don't day! I truly wish you only the best and your WH will one day crash. It is inevitible!

HTW

Hurting you are sooooo special!!

You have also become a wonderful inspirational writer!

You may someday be led to write a book/pamphlet, something for those in your community or worldwide going through divorce.

Sent with Love,
Lady

Hurting...

What a lovely thing to write.

With your permission can I copy some of it?

Our anniversary is very soon, a day I am not looking forward to. We are in the process of D, and I was thinking of perhaps sending this poem in part to WH. I'm so confused. Some days I want D, other days I don't. I think he's happy with OW and is welcoming D, so I don't know if me sending this letter to him is even worth it. They'll both probably laugh! He is living with OW and I doubt he will even think about me or us on our anniversary, but so much of what you have written is what is in my heart.

God Bless you for writing this.

CG

`Catgirl,

Yes you may give this to your soon to be ex.

Unfortuntly it probably won't make any impressions in the fog he is in but maybe one day in the future he can. Believe me if I thought it would get through to my EXWH he would be getting a copy too.

Won't say its easy Cat but you can and will make it through this. I am living proof. Just ask anyone who was here when I first signed on. I was a mess and thats putting it mildly.

God Bless you and I wish you the best.....


Hurting

((((Hurting)))))

Thinking of you!

Kim

Hurting,

You are probably right. It won't affect WH while he is in the fog. Somedays I really don't think he will ever get out of it.

I don't know yet if I will even give it to him now. What you wrote is exactly how I feel, and I would give it to him, if I knew he wouldn't share it with OW. Just know they would both laugh at me I'm sure. Guess I really shouldn't care what they think of me at this point huh?

People say I will make it through, and I'm sure I will. I have no choice. As you know I'm sure, this wasn't something we signed on for on our wedding day. I reallly hate my WH for putting me through somethig that I had no control over. How dare he! I get so mad at him for ruining my life's dreams and our kid's lives. That's when I'm ready to D him. Then the next hour I'll think of something else and want him back in my life again.

So crazy I know. I think that's the hardest part for me now. This indecision. I mean I filed for the D, I need to go through with it right? But some days I wonder if I did the right thing. I know if I withdrew the petiton now, WH would probably file his own petition. He's not one to back off once something has been started. So I guess I kind of screwed myself, for being hasty.

Will he change? Will he regret what he did? Should I have waited longer before I filed? etc. etc. These are questions I will probably have even after the D is final, as he still hasn't admitted to me he is even having an A! Still maintains they are only friends.

Talk about a fog!

Hurtin',

Good to hear from you. Quite a moving story.....doesn't seem real, yet it is. Wow..... u r also a good writer. I sat rivited while reading.

Life takes wild turns....reality will sink in. The A tends to numb the brain...... but eventually reality sets in.

How are the children and your MIL? Did the move happen yet?

Hugz,
L.

Hurtin',
Anniversaries aren't always happy are they? I'm so sorry for your pain. You know, I bet he has some moments of indecision, too. There's nothing any of us can say that will make it better but know that there are many out there thinking of you and wishing you the very best.

Unfortunately, there's lots of us in your shoes.

Lady and Orchid,

Thanks for the compliments on the writting style. Its just my thoughts and how I feel.

Catgirl,

I know exactlly how you are feeling. Even though the divorce has happened I still go through days of wanting him back and then days of why would I even think of it after all he has said and done.

I question myself is it really that I still love him as to why I want him back or is it just because he is all I know and I am comfortable and familar with him like an old pair of shoes? Maybe its just loneliness the need to have someone to talk to or get a hug when the day has been bad.

I was thinking last night about jealousy and realized for so long I was jealous that the OW had my husband and I was alone. But after much thought I realized there is nothing to be jealous of. Who she has is not worth being jealous over, he is not someone I know or even like right now.

A few months ago if someone had asked me do you see yourself ever being with anyone else I would have said no way. But you know what I can now visulize my future with someone other than my EXWH. Not saying if he ever gets it he won't get the chance but it would take so much from him I'm not sure he could do it.

So even though I still have days of longing for him, I am moving ahead and becoming happier with my life. You will get there as well it just takes time.

To answer your questions Orchid the kids are fine and so is my MIL. She has been here for me and continues to do so. But I know one day her and her son will heal the rift between them as they should. I would never stand in the way of that, I feel once I move out of her home he will start coming around to her. I just hope he realizes wha a wonderful mom he has.

Hurting

I was thinking about that jealousy thing the other day. Am I jealous that OW has my husband?? Would I be jealous of the rich guy that became rich by robbing a bank? If I were jealous, it would be a jelousy of them being able to do whatever it takes regardless of whom it hurts or how wrong it is. And that is not a trait I was strive to acheive.

I spoke to my EXWH today about our children. Been having a few problems and we needed to clear up some misunderstandings that were happening with my DIL. Both EXWH and I have been sending money to help the kids out and yesterday my DIL called again for more. I told her I am tapped out I have no more money to help, well she proceded to tell EXWH I have not helped them at all. of course this made me very angry. So I called him and asked him to call me back because I needed to know exactlly what was said before I jumped her butt.

He called me back and the conversation was very civil and only about the kids. he told me what she said and I then explained to him all of the money I have sent. He said BS I know you have because DD told me you did as well as SIL told me about it last night. He said he told them he didn't have any money to send because he had to pay me and my attorney. He said to me BS I don't have any to send them because after I pay you and the attorney my pocketbook is almost broke. I didn't say anything about that to him at all.

He then mentioned that YDS friend's grandfather came to the house last night to speak to him about YDS and his grandson smoking ciggerettes and pot. Seems YDS has been taking Donna's cigs and smoking them. YDS denies the pot but EXWH tends to believe its happening. I told him well I can find out for sure as we have home tests at work for pot. So I am going to get one and have YDS take it. I told EXWH I would let him know the results.

we also discussed YDS not calling me back when I call. He says he and OW both have told YDS he needs to call me back. I told him that I had gotten minutes for YDS phone so he could call me back. He said YDS never told him I did that. I said well EXWH I have spent money I don't have on all of our kids and I am tired of them making it look like I don't do anything and they make you think I ignor them. So we decided that anything with the kids will be discussed between us so no more misunderstandings happen.

I thanked him for calling me back and discussing this with me. He said no problem. So the conversation went real well, it felt just like conversations we used to have about the kids. It felt very strange to talk to him after so many months of nothing. but I am ok with it, I held up fine..

kudos to YOU

... and him too, I suppose .... *shrug*

I spoke to my EXWH today about our children. Been having a few problems and we needed to clear up some misunderstandings that were happening with my DIL. Both EXWH and I have been sending money to help the kids out and yesterday my DIL called again for more. I told her I am tapped out I have no more money to help, well she proceded to tell EXWH I have not helped them at all. of course this made me very angry. So I called him and asked him to call me back because I needed to know exactlly what was said before I jumped her butt.

hurting,

Instead of jumping her butt, I suggest that you very kindly and FIRMLY tell her that you will no longer be "supporting" them financially. It appears that there is an expectation there. People that are old enough to get married, old enough to start families, should be old enough to totally support themselves.

I told my children that as long as they are single and attending college that they can expect "some" help from me. When they get married, that financial support ends. Also, my daughter (who is 23) thought that if she and her boyfriend (exbf now) moved in together, that I would still continue to financially support her endeavor to finish her education. Nope, it doesn't work that way with me. You wanna play grownup, live with your BF, it's ALL on you all. She was aghast that I refused to "support" them. She told me that I HAD to support her, or she wouldn't be able to finish nursing school. She had two choices...she chose to live with him, but it only lasted 3 months when I held firm to my word.

I really think that you should cut the money off and let them support themselves. I can imagine that you might say, "but what about my grandbabies, I don't want them to do without"...I think that's how they grab you. Little bit of emotional blackmail goes a long way.

Plus, it lets you get yourself on your feet after being dealt such a blow as a divorce. They should be looking to see how they can help you...not extending their hands to take from you.

JMHO
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