SHMI, I've heard this before, but I find it difficult to understand since the WS is so determined to exit the M and start their own life. They want space and freedom so why would they need to keep in contact? I really don't see that happening in my case anyway.

Remember when I was trying to be in plan B? The lengths my WH to have contact w/ me? When he left he was sure he didn't want our M.He felt nothing for me. He needed space. I believed him. He did everything from coming here late at night unannounced, to showing up 3 hours early to get the kids, doing drive bys...not to mention the old bleeding in my bathtub.

If she is smart and I suspect she is....she'll think of something. Be prepared! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I sometimes get the feeling that the collateral damage created by the whole A process is to great to fix.

It has affected relationships with friends, family and work. It sometimes seems like a monumental task to try and fix all the damage as opposed to taking the easy way out and starting anew.

I'm curious to see what others have experienced.

Thanks,
HTW

I'm feeling anxious today since the LSA should be ready for signing today. Yesterday I recieved a draft copy from my lawyer where I noticed my WW had put in a request for CS. When I got home I stated I would not sign the agreement as we agreed to no CS either way. She said that her lawyer suggested it and that she was exhausted so I can take it out. So I called my lawyer and told him the LSA does not get signed with any request for CS.

I can't wait until this is over since I feel like something could go wrong any minute. I jsut want this over.

HTW,
Good luck with the LSA. Hopefully things go well for you.

I think WH feels like you do. Damage from A is too great to fix. Too many know etc., so that's why he's just cutting his losses and not wanting to work on things.

Hopefully he will wake up though before our D is final. It's in his court now. Not much more I can do. I can't change the way he thinks, unfortunately.

I hope LSA goes smoothly today. Let us know.

Thanks guys.

Just got back from my lawyer and my WW has dropped the request for CS. I signed the draft version and the legal version should be ready for signing tomorrow.

I feel relieved, but anxious as I am about to begin the next phase of my life.

My WW looks really tired and worn down lately. This has really taken alot out of her as with me and we could both use some time to heal.

catgirl, it is funny how the WS risks everything when getting involved with OP, but then their pride gets in the way when they think of reconciling. They don't seem to care so much when they are actively involved in the A.

Hi Hope,

Thinking of you today. I can relate to your anxiety. As much as I didn't want the divorce, if it had to go through I wanted it to go while the gettin' was good!

I also speak from experience when I say it is painful every step of the way and then still some.

Take care of yourself and find some fun new things to enjoy in your life.

S.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi I'm an old poster who kept up with your story it intrigued me. I just wanted to say I'm sorry about the LS but congrats on getting your self esteem back. And trust me I can understand why you almost had your own EA. I agree with others and yourself it would have been wrong. Good luck go out with family members and friends the day your wife moves out keep your self busy.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Unsure

Hi Shattered. Yes, you know then obviously know how things can quickly digress when in the final stages of negotiations. When I saw her request for CS after we agreed there would be none, my blood began to boil and I was ready to blow up the whole agreement. Luckily she backed down and everything went through afterwards. My lawyer said it was a good deal for me and asked me to come in on Friday to sign the official agreement.

When I got home I gave my WW the settlement cheque to buy her out and in a couple of days she will be gone. I'm happy that it has finally been settled, but also sad that the end is near.

I ordered her a new motor for her broken treadmill and installed it for her with the help of my DS last night. One of my last Plan A actions before she leaves.

There is no doubt she has done a good job at highlighting the problems in our M and pointing out my flaws over the past year, but I am quite certain that she will not find another man who will treat her as I have, especially when she was at her worst. I am also certain that the next woman in my life will get the new and improved me, complete with MB principles <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> and I can't wait to begin using them in a mutually loving R.


Hi Unsure. Thanks for stopping by and now that I look back I'm glad that I didn't pursue the EA on the adivce of many here. I was not ready for it emotionally and still will need time to withdraw from my WW. That is where Plan B comes in. I will be out with some friends on the day she moves out and have asked her to leave me a message on my cell when she is gone. I expect it to be a strange feeling to return to an empty home knowing that she will not be returing.

Great I'm glad you already have plans. Concentrate on you and your children and have fun. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Take your time re: getting into a new relationship. It will be weird knowing she's gone for good, you'll have some bad days but you know you did everything that you could to make your marriage work. I've read all 3 of your threads. You need this plan B bad!

Well today is our last day living in the same house as by this time tomorrow she will be moving out. I'm feeling sad today knowing that she will be gone and I won't be able to see my kids everyday.

Yesterday night she was busy cleaning the bathrooms and making sure everything was clean before she left <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

She will be back one last time to pick up the last of her items probably sometime next week and that is when I plan on giving her my Plan B letter.

Later today I will visit my lawyer to sign the official LSA and that should be the last time I have to deal with the legal aspect of this.

I know the first few days/weeks will be the hardest and I will try to keep busy with friends and family, especially when the kids are with their mom.

Throughout my life, when things were at their worst, that is when oppourtunities opened up for me. It is a strange phenomenom that may or may not repeat itself this time around. We will see.

Not much else to say, just a sad time in my life!

Hope, be strong, grieve, but be strong!!! Trust me, you will feel empowered after a bit, knowing you've stood up for your marriage, it's her problem....not yours!!

I was there....Hope.....and it's a journey that as I look back on today made me a better, stronger person. Know this!!!! Make it your goal to turn this into a positive, and in the long run, your WW WILL feel differently toward you.....whether or not it is enough to rebuild your marriage to your wife....only God knows and only time will tell.

You have always been a positive poster to not only my thread, but to all others........now it's your turn to be positve to yourself.

Without times of sadness, we all take for granted when times are good.....we just don't see it at the time....and WHEN things get better for you....COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!!! And know that when you heal from this completely, you will have traversed the one of the most difficult times a human can go through.

Not everyone has to.....only a choosen few have to....it is part of His plan. It is a challenge put before us.....it is OURS to face....and only WE are given the opportunity to combat the devil in his most dasterly form. We are His warriors, we were choosen to fight this battle....now go win it for YOU!!!

God bless.....we are here Hope.....
MWIL

MWIL, thanks for the encouraging words as you know what I am feeling right about know. I just got back from the lawyer and singed the offical copy of the LSA so it is a done deal.

I still have alot of anger and resentment inside of me that I will have to slowly deal with once she is gone. It seems I feel better when I'm not around her so by going into Plan B it will give me some time to recover myself and recharge my energy.

I'm an optomistic person by nature and will try to turn this into a posotive as you suggest. Looking back I'm glad that I fought for my M as I did and that I didn't LB with some AO or DJ's. She will surely carry this with her.

So I will go home tonight to enjoy our last meal together as a family and close this chapter on a positive note.

Thanks everyone!

HTW

Man, I am so proud of you HTW! I am praying for you friend.

Here is something I saw about the apostle Paul and God's reaction to his obedience....

Life was not too difficult for Paul. It was just right. Though it was extremely trying at times, it trained him how to live the Christian life by faith and not by sight. At any point, had Paul given up, we would have missed a great and mighty blessing as a major portion of the New Testament would have gone unwritten.



Paul had no way of knowing his trials and exhortations were being used to complete a large portion of God's holy Word. While God's Word is now complete, we remain His personal testimony. We may never know what blessing our obedience will bring to the life of another. Therefore, let godly obedience and determination be the fiber of your life. And the God of all peace and comfort will bless you perfectly

I'm an optomistic person by nature and will try to turn this into a posotive as you suggest. Looking back I'm glad that I fought for my M as I did and that I didn't LB with some AO or DJ's. She will surely carry this with her.

So I will go home tonight to enjoy our last meal together as a family and close this chapter on a positive note.

Thanks everyone!

HTW [/quote]


A true gentleman to the end I respect the above statements a lot.

hap & UNSure, I have slowly developed a stillness and calmness over the past few days and it has helped me get through these awful times.

My WW made sure she cleaned up the house today, washed my dirty clothes and transfered all my clothes to my new dresser.

She seems excited to move into her new home as she has purchased new furniture and has been going over many home magazines for design ideas. She is looking for happiness here, but I don't think she will find it. These are material things that won't resolve her inner conflict.

I don't know how she will react to my Plan B letter. Will she get upset, will she be sad, will she be angry or will she be indiferent?

Today she left all her work bags at home while she went out so I couldn't resist snooping one last time before she left. I didn't see any indication of contact with OM and noticed she had marked my b-day in her work calender <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I really believe the A is dead or been reduced to a working relationship. I just have a gut feeling on this.

Any suggestions on what I might say to her as I give her the Plan B letter?

HTW

I just think you need to be honest, no DJ's, but firm in wanting no contact because you cannot heal while she has any contact with you. If you feel you cannot be 'just friends' if there should be eventual reconciliation then say so . Its not wrong to let her know how YOU feel.

I hope she sees the light one day soon however if that does not happen any time soon I pray you will be well down the path to your recovery and rebuilding your life, even if that must be without your w. Remember a ww is NOT your w. Just a shadow of the past.

will pray you can heal, well both of you. You have really done the hard yards here.

Hey Hope, I am sad but happy for you because now you can move forward out of this limboland of ******.

I suspect she has put off her affair until she gets out of the house, then plans to resume it. That is usually the plan. Your plan B letter would stipulate that she would have to end all contact with the OM and make a commitment to your marriage just like any other PBL.

I think the best time to go into Plan B is about 3 weeks after she moves out. The reason for that timing is the newness begins to wear off a little and she starts to miss your home life. [and you]

The problem I anticipate is that she will probably refuse to honor your Plan B and come barging in the house at will. That will ruin your Plan B. I can also see her applying other pressure to break your Plan B becuase I don't see her as someone who will appreciate losing control over YOU. How do you think she will react?

Hope....I tend to agree with Miss Mel...begin to disengage yourself without the DJ's and LB's....you will probably notice the stupid "problems" she will discuss with you. In my case my xw, within 1 week of moving out needed her sink fixed. I laughed out loud and said OK....and smiled through the entire repair (about 10 minutes)...

As far as her affair goes...it may be dead...but plan b letter and you sticking to it may result in her seeking it out again. As Mel stated, she seems to need to be in control of you and that when you are totally disengaged she will find all sorts of reasons to break it! You should have learned how bad that is for you here...

hint...you'll know you're healing and truly reaching the "I dont care" stage when you stop "wondering" what her motives are, what her words really mean....you'll see just how simple she is...how predictable...and smile to yourself....I used to walk away so many times thinking that I just engaged in mental masterbation.... ;- )

Good luck to you....the day has come my friend....I'm sorry that it is here...but will help you as best I can...