Mel, I'm gald this day has finally arrived also in a strange kind of way since I knew no amount of further Plan A'ing would bring my W back. I just didn't expect all the legal stuff and for her to move out to take so long. It has been a long time coming and although I'm somewhat sad, I am also feeling empowered since I have regained control of the situation. The Plan B letter explicitly shows her the way home and it is now up to HER to come back or not. I've done all I can do and have set my boudaries down.

She will no longer have ANY of her EN's met by me and she knows the only reason for contact will be to discuss reconciliation if and only if the guidelines of my letter are met. I can live with that.

I will be talking to her sister shortly to discuss the details of her position as intermediary. She has a soft spot for me so I don't expect her to object to my requests.

Mel, thanks again for helping me revise the last part of my Plan B letter. It sounded weak and I had reservations about sending it. The new version sounds much stronger and gives me 100% control.

Well I've just come back from a nice long ride on my motorcycle and am going out with some friends until the wee hours of the morning so don't wait up for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> No time for sitting around and thinking about the past anymore. I'm focused on the future and ME! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well got home at around 5:00am this morning after having one too many last night with my friends and woke up this morning with one heck of a hangover. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I'll be going back to bed soon after I have some breakfast and an Advil. I used to be able to bounce back from these type of nights much quicker 15 years ago. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I used to be able to bounce back from these type of nights much quicker 15 years ago.


I now what you mean man:-)

sigh..... I hope you behaved like a gentleman and didn't shame your mama!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Mel, aside from the one bride-to-be who asked me to sigh her white top with a Sharpie <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />, it was all good.

One day I will tell you about the time where my dad woke up to the sight of his son sleeping on the front lawn <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />...not a pretty sight for my parents or neighbours <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Well my kids haven't called me since my WW picked them up on Friday and I wonder if it a result of my Plan B letter requesting no contact from my WW. I really miss those trouble makers! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

My mom has been inviting me over to eat with them and I haven't eaten this good in a long time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />. I'm actually starting to put on some weight.

This week I will start painting my entire house as I have ordered new bedroom sets for my kids and want to give the house a fresh look since it has essentially been abondoned for over a year.

So I'm doing well with the exception of missing my kids like crazy.

Hope....remember I spoke of spiteful? It should be a two way street regarding teh kids calling. I made my expectations very clear. My childen were to call me every day, if they did not I was peeved....As I refused to call her house. She would call the boys all the time...I simply refused....

So...tit for tat...make no effort for the kids to call her..when you have them...if she calls 100 x...so what, have them call just before bed....

Other than that be careful.....learn from others

This is the second night in a row (Friday night when she picked them up would make it three nignts) that my kids have not called me and it pisses me off. I really miss those guys like crazy and it physically hurts me when I don't speak to them. I refuse to call as well since it could break my Plan B. I don't know if she is just being spiteful or playing dumb and including a call from the kids as breaking NC...I think it is spiteful! This is not right and it really irks me ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />


If she makes no effort to have the kids call me I will defenitely not encourage them to call their mom.

It has been over 48 hrs since I spoke with them and this is the longest time I gone without speaking to them. I hope they don't think their daddy forgot about them or doesn't love them <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hope, have your intermediary call her and tell her the kids are to call you every night as agreed. This is in the best interest of the children and she shouldn't be playing games with them like this.

Yes...and document it by sending an email to intermediary making such request.

If this game continues you'll want a full record.

Mr. W

After she has the nerve to pitch fits over you not having them call her, she hasn't had them call you at all???? She's game playing now, that's plain to see.

I agree about having the intermediary call. Just because you want NC with HER does not mean it is extended to the kids.

I don’t agree.... Plan B is going dark – so go dark.

Your kids will not suffer any long or short time negative effects from not hearing from you for a few days. I am a father. I know how important contact with kids is but I also know I make numerous sacrifices for my kids.

Let’s look at this from several angles:

If she is goading you on then she “wins” if you contact her through your intermediary. I have told you my view that some of her actions indicate she wants interaction with you – even negative interaction. Don’t give it to her.

For Plan B to have a shot then it’s important to have as much in the LB as possible. Any grumbling now about contact with kids will be a major withdrawal.

Plan B has two goals: Get the WS back and help the BS adjust to a changed life. Either one of those goals will benefit your children a lot more than the situation you just left (pre-Plan). So stick to a dark Plan B.

Even for the kids: This is a hard and possibly traumatic time for them. Maybe it’s better for them to be with you when they are with you and with her when they are with her. Not this constant reminder of the other parent and that there is a gap between or pressure to be in contact.

If (by careful questioning) you discover WW denies the kids the ability to contact you when with her then that’s a different story completely.

Your kid’s will know you love them without hearing from you daily.

WOW, HTW! Sounds like you had a little fun in there this weekend! That's great! And I love the plans that you have...good distraction so keep from thinking about the kids all the time..not saying that's a bad think of course...just maybe if you dwell on it to much...WW is maybe taking a withdrawal from your LB without your knowledge...

I agree with everyone that you should set that up...the call with the kids...

I wish you well!

I agree with bigger.....yes, this is a sacrafice for the kids.....for a bit.....but one of two things will happen.....Plan B will work......or Plan B will work!!!!!! OK....OK....It will work to save your marriage.....or it will work to strengthen you!!! Stick to it, if they call great, if not, and you feel lots of pain.....you must work through it!!! This is when and where YOU will become stronger!!! And YOU will be more attractive when you understand that it is THIS ENTIRE PROCESS that strengthens us BSs.

Hang tough my friend.
MWIL

HTW...I am with bigger and MWIL (no surprise!!)....DARKNESS....stay focused....if you stick with it you will see the changes in yourself!!

I've decided to stay DARK and not approach my intermediary regarding this issue. It's hard on me, but I agree that staying dark and showing strength is the key here.

I will continue to encourage my kids to call me ANYTIME they feel like speaking to their dad and give them all I've got when they are with me.

It will be interesting to see what happens next week when the kids are with me. How will my WW deal with my request for NC when the kids are in my care?

Thanks.
HTW

I agree with you Hope.. Stay dark and use the intermediary for more important things, rather than getting in to the games your WW is playing right now. You may have predicted right, next week may be a fiasco. But you need to stay dark.

Well, those who are well versed in plan b are probably right. I'm sure she'd let you know if there was something wrong with them. She'd look like an even bigger jerk if she withheld the fact they were ill or whathaveyou.

{{{HTW}}}

Hope:

Not trying to make you feel bad, but you are going to have to get used to not talking to the kids on a daily basis but you can still be the stable one and the best father possible. This applies to your WW too. Future lovers and spouses will not allow that to happen anyway because they will not want the daily phone calls from the Ex-Spouse to interfere with the "new" family.

Stay away from her the best you can and you will find peace within yourself and your kids. Start dating around and try and enjoy the freedom. If you think there is a chance of recconcilliation, you cannot be available to her for that to happen. At this stage of your marital status, she is going to have to win you back over. A little competition and SF along the way will be good for you and it will send her a strong message. What is good for the gander is good for the goose. Sorry, I just broke every MB rule, but there is a reality to the position you are now in. Remember this advise though, no glove-no love. You don't need to ad more problems to your life at this time.

Good luck.

TooSoon

[color:"red"] WHAT???!!! [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

That is the WORST advice anyone could give HTW!

He is STILL MARRIED!!!

And, you are telling him to go out and make some woman into an OW???

How utterly disrespectful to women AND HTW!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

What kind of influence do you suppose this would have on his children's moral education? HTW's WW will surely find out if he goes out and screws around, and you can bet your boots that she will USE that against him when it comes to the children.

Why do you want HTW to sink to his WW's level?

HTW should go out and have a good time with his buddies, get on with enjoying life, but while he is STILL MARRIED, he should leave other women alone.

You know, I just realized how much it irks me to hear men tell other men that they should go out and "get some"...makes me think that they have NO RESPECT for women as human beings, as if women are here solely to pleasure men!

YUCK!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

TooSoon,

SF is one of my top EN's and even though I haven't had it in over a year now, I still feel emotionally "dead" to really enjoy it much rght now. Sure it would fill my need, but I can assure you I would feel empty afterwards.

That doesn't mean I can't go out, meet new people and have a good time...I just don't agree with doing the deed with anyone at this current time.

If Plan B ends with Plan D, then I would be ready to pursue dating again and having my EN's met by someone other than my WW.

On the Plan B front...my kids have failed to call me tonight so that makes it 4 nights without speaking to them now. I feel really crappy tonight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

My MIL knows this and wants me to call my WW and aske to speak to the kids. Unfortunately,she doesn't quite understand what Plan B is all about.

Not speaking to my kids is reall taking a toll on me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />