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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> All according to the script. Isn't it comical when they act EXACTLY as predicted? Look, document all of this very clearly. Multiple phone calls regarding "the children" is a form of harassment. Extend to her the same courtesies you receive, especially regarding the children. Should they call her at least once a day? I think so. However, you do not need to answer her calls to them. It is also a legal issue to communicate about the kids. I find that you manipulate the agreement as you see fit. First, who cares what she "finds". Put a legal agreement between a spouse and it is certain to manipulated....perhaps she should not have been so eager to leave....oh well!!! Second, I do not believe that there is any agreement or legal basis to make you speak with her...or even listen to her..... You're doing awesome man....already feeling better... right??? While this Plan B may not result in an attempt at recovery let it be a lesson to all that it works.....
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It seems to me she's well within her rights (and even welcome to) to increase her calls with her kids while they're with you.
That's got NOTHING to do with having contact to do with YOU.
The one worry I'd have is that she plans on coming by when you have the kids...I'd suggest you plan on spending a lot of time 'out' with them to foil that little possibility.
Otherwise, I'd follow Rinderella's advice...blow it off as hot air.
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HTW,
Been away for awhile, but caught up on your sitch. Just thinking of you, buddy.
MWIL
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Is this correct?
WW?
Shouldn't that read FWW?
Did I miss something here?
MWIL
--------------------
BH(me)-38
[color:"red"] WW-35 [/color]
D-week 9-11-05 through 9-16-05
A-Started 6-25-05 through 5-06
Recovery begins 6-06
DS-4
DD-6
ME!!!!!!
Thread #1
Thread #2
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My WW is going to IC and her C recommended that she talk to me about what went wrong for us and she wants me to listen.
Not sure what I shoud do here.
I don't feel I owe her anything right now.
Any suggestions?
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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Refer her to your Plan B letter. You don't need to know what she feels "went wrong," [from a foghorn perspective <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />] you just need to know when she is committed to restoring your marriage and ending all contact with OM. Until that happens, tell her thanks, but no thanks.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Can you send a copy of your Plan B letter to her counselor? That would probably give her all the information she needs to know.
Mys
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First of all... How do you know this? Please do not tell me that you let her discuss this with you already....Hope...until she meets the demands of your Plan B letter. First, NC with OM, 2nd, a commitment to work on the marriage....end of discussion. In reality you should be getting over "what happened"....because you have already accepted your role.....and you're willing to acknowledge it...not quite the same from her end now is it???? You owe her nothing, in fact she is the one who is indebted to you. I like this: Can you send a copy of your Plan B letter to her counselor? That would probably give her all the information she needs to know. Take it further, explain your goal in this is to make yourself better and she is only bringing you down.... Look buddy...you know it's all your fault she did what she did, you know it's all your fault she left....do you really need her to tell you this again...to justify her unjustifiable actions?? Do you care?? If you do work quietly behind the scenes to see if this is an overture or just another way for her to justify....cause this Plan B is KILLING HER.....we both know it... Good luck ...
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First of all...
How do you know this? Please do not tell me that you let her discuss this with you already....Hope...until she meets the demands of your Plan B letter. First, NC with OM, 2nd, a commitment to work on the marriage....end of discussion. She left me a voicemail on my cell yesterday telling my DD had vomitted in school and that she had gone to pick her up then she included the IC part and her wanting to tell me what went wrong. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> In reality you should be getting over "what happened"....because you have already accepted your role.....and you're willing to acknowledge it...not quite the same from her end now is it???? I am getting over her but not fully over her yet and I have accepted my role in the breakdown in our M. It is a bitter pill to swallow and I have accepted it. I don't know what she wants to tell me but if includes my faults then I've heard enough of that over the past year. You owe her nothing, in fact she is the one who is indebted to you. I agree exactly! Look buddy...you know it's all your fault she did what she did, you know it's all your fault she left....do you really need her to tell you this again...to justify her unjustifiable actions?? I will not allow her to take me down anymore. It is her issues to own now! Do you care?? If you do work quietly behind the scenes to see if this is an overture or just another way for her to justify....cause this Plan B is KILLING HER.....we both know it... I still care but I've set my boundaries and she needs to respect them. It's all there in my Plan B letter. I'm tired of taking the blame for her issues...she can talk to a mirror if it makes her feel better!
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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Hi, I was just checking in with you! See how you're doing?
Do you plan on talking to her? Did I miss something or do you plan to keep things the same?
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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Do you plan on talking to her? Did I miss something or do you plan to keep things the same? Hi Rin, I Plan on remaining dark and not responding to her request since I don't need to hear what I did wrong in the M. I have accepted my part in the failure of our M and I tried as best I could to salvage it. She can't say the same and will have to live with her actions since I won't let her take me down anymore. My life is slowly improving and once I've done my Plan B it is on to Plan D. I will not wait on her nor should I. Plan A and B are extremely effective in helping the BS to heal and move on. As Sendme has so often said "she can CHOKE on my Plan B!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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HTW
I haven't posted to you before but I have followed your sitch. Just wanted to let you know that I think you are doing an awesome Plan B. You are doing a great job of acting vs. reacting.
Keep it up. You are sounding stronger with every post.
Lizzie
BS - 48 (me)
FWH - 40
DD 12-28-05.
After Plan A, Plan B, and a false recovery, H moved home 9-29-06. Phone contact continued until 8-07. Real recovery started after that.
2 boys (mine) - ages 20 and 14 - still at home
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Okay, I didn't miss anything. Just checking, i thought I got lost for a second!
You still sound great and I agree with Liz!
KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK MAN!
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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(((HTW))) First of all I think you are wonderful and doing a great job in plan B. I don't think you should meet w/ WW & her IC unless she has met all your requirements of PBL...and..IF you want to reconcile. I'm sure she has handed her IC a pretty lop sided account of your M. It would be interesting to see how she would defend against you plan B letter. But it could also be a way of her manipulating some kind of response from you....even if that response was in the form of the PBL. She is REALLY not liking Plan B. Its good to make WW uncomfortable it gives your W an advantage! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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I wanted to say thank you for your support last night. I really appreciate you checking in and helping out and the red flag thing.
I did my checking, just to be safe.
You are doing a FABULous job with plan B, like I need to tell you! I agree with ChaCha, WW is REALLY not like it! LMAO
Good for you!
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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