For the past 3 years, my husband has been having an affair with a female he works with. I found out about it 3 years ago. And have been dealing with it for 3 years. I always get the "I won't do this to you again, lets work on this". And I stayed and we "worked on it". Well this past March I just had it. I wasn't sure if he was still seeing her or not, but knew for a fact that the affair had gone on in the past, and I finally asked him to leave. During our separation, he continued seeing her. I even got a call from her last weekend, her calling me and I could hear him in the background. She wanted me to know she was there with him and not me. Very immature and childish. During our separation I met a guy that has treated me wonderfully. We have communication, great time just hanging out, and a lot in common. Now my husband and I are discussing getting back together. Again he says he doesn't want to see this woman anymore, he loves me and our children and wants to put 100% into the marriage and making it work. I was excited at first because I miss him and want to work things out, but at the same time, I've gone through this time and time again. And now I have someone who I would like to see where the relationship could go. I'm sitting here at work today with my head in a haze and can't figure out what to do. My husband and I had a long talk this past weekend and let all truths be told. I still love him, but he's put me through a lot and I'm not sure what to do. I have a therapy appt today thank God because I really need some type of direction. I'm absolutely lost and confused and don't know what to do. I want to do what's right and want to make sure I don't have regrets either way I go. I really could use some prayers as to what I should do in this scrambled situation. I appreciate it.

God Bless

peacock,
You've come to the right place. Before I pray for you, I'd like to encourage you to go to the infidelity forum and read through Plan A and Plan B. Do you have a Plan B in place? Based on your post, it doesn't sound like a full, actionable Plan B was in place (beyond the separation).

I'm fairly new to this board myself, but I can tell you (after 2 years of my husband and I living in 2 separate houses) that doing nothing does nothing. Time will only leave the door open for relationships to develop and grow with someone other than your spouse. It doesn't sound like a NC is in place for your H and the OW. You're in a dangerous place personally peacock. Another man has shown interest in you and you're already comparing him to your H. I'm not chastising you. I've done the same. Unfortunately, all it did was drive an even deeper wedge between my H and me.

How are you doing on meeting your H's emotional needs? Have you/he taken the EN questionnaire? People also suggest reading Harley's Surviving an Affair and also looking at the FAQs on how affairs end. When another man was interested in me while my H and I were having problems, I found myself investing time and energy into making the new relationship work. That energy robbed effort from my M. The devil will play upon your weaknesses. Seemingly at just the right time the perfect anectdote will appear to heal your ails. In the long run, it never sustains you.

Are you and your H in marital counseling? I'm glad to hear you're in individual therapy. I'm not sure what the "working on it" comment means. Again, my H and I've been working on it for 2 years with him coming to our home every weekend, us talking on the phone for hours each day and then us doing our own things during the week. We don't have kids but we probably could if we weren't in a standstill. I know you're hurting. I know you want something better for you and your children. The most sound advice I've gotten on this site is that I do have the ability to change my situation. My responses and reactions to my H can change his behavior. All you need is a H willing to work on it with you. It sounds like your H is willing but he's weak and he hasn't been held accountable for his actions.

Do please go to the Infidelity: General Questions II forum. My story is there (2 years separated, H EA, in MC, need help...)

I will pray for you. In particular, I want to pray Psalm 26:1 for you. "Vindicate me, O Lord, for I have walked in my integrity. I have also trusted in the Lord; I shall not slip."

God bless,
nordstrom