And yet your post is ridiculing many, no?

Mrs. W

Froz - are you talking about the recipes, or something said before? I am honestly not making fun of anyone, though I am guilty of a major TJ.

Hi Frozen,

As I understand it, CinSug is only here for her "info-tainment" (her words).

Jo

Dinner at Dru's!!! Who's in??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Ridicule: Words or actions intended to evoke contemptuous laughter at or feelings toward a person or thing

Regardless of what she has said or done, it's wrong to make fun of her.

And you, of course, have the right to your opinion that she is being made fun of...

Mrs. W

By that same token recognize that everyone else has a right to post to this thread (or any other) as they (or the moderators here) see fit...And to decide for themselves if their posts are intended to make fun of someone or not...

Mrs. W

I agree, Froz...

But... the group of posters here asked several times what the reason for this post or whether the poster needed help. They did not receive a "real" reply. We can't help someone if we don't know what they are needing help with.

Now, the post has turned lighthearted. I'm sure if the poster returned and identified what she was looking for, all bantering would stop and the help would begin. Until that happens, I feel that the poster was ridiculing those on here who are truly seeking help... and ridiculing the whole idea of A's... and those that fall prey to it's trap. ...because it would never happen to her as her marriage is too perfect.(a paraphrase of her words).

Shaden

I'd love to cook, it'd be my pleasure <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

Froz, it looked like the topic died, we're just TJing. I'm sure any serious questions would be addressed promptly - Dru

Excellent points Shaden...

Further, even when we may know of someone's circumstances...

While that may explain shoddy behavior, it does not excuse it...

Mrs. W

I just added this thread to my favorites, for the sole purpose of being able to pull up Dru's secret brownie recipe whenever I want.

Note to self: it is on page 4.

I have a brownie mix, and would make it today if I had the other stuff. Maybe I could grind up my Reese's PB Cups, or sprinkle some of my trail mix with MM's into the mix.

LOL...On your computer screen maybe...On mine it's on page 2...

Note to self: Never ask Neak for MB thread page number. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Can we go back to french toast? My son made me feel so good his first visit home from college. He asked me on Saturday night if we could have french toast for breakfast as it just was not as good at college.

Of course I got up at 6 am and made it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

When we got to church one of the kids from his college who also goes to our church asked if I had made it. She said they were all tired of hearing him say how good it was. Made a mom proud.

I make it really simple:eggs, milk, sugar and vanilla. I like bread that is a few days, old too. He uses the french toast and and bacon to make a sandwich.

Best brownie mix: the cheap one from Martha White- purple bag chewy family size. Serve hot with cold milk.

MoFo...*snicker*

Sweet to his Mama and a brainiac too!!! I KNOW YOU ARE SOOO...PROUD!!! You should be...Not to mention that that sammich does sound yummy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Now, the post has turned lighthearted. I'm sure if the poster returned and identified what she was looking for, all bantering would stop and the help would begin. Until that happens, I feel that the poster was ridiculing those on here who are truly seeking help... and ridiculing the whole idea of A's... and those that fall prey to it's trap. ...because it would never happen to her as her marriage is too perfect.(a paraphrase of her words).

Let me get this straight, CinnamonSugar is neither BS nor WS, has stated that she is on board with Marriage Builders concepts and has repeatedly stated that she believes infidelity to be wrong, wrong, wrong . Because she pointed out that a BS may have other issues that would impede his recovery, she is somehow dangerous to the MB forum? Huh?

Unfortunately BSs are not exempt from alcoholism, drug addiction, sexual orientation issues or mental health issues, and it is folly to assume that the fallout from the resulting poor behavior doesn’t have a negative impact on a marriage. Dr. Harley is quite clear on about the difficulty of recovering such a marriage even using his excellent concepts. If a poster recognizes and articulates a problem in his own life, what is the benefit of dissuading him? Sweep negative behaviour under the rug and hope that the marriage is going to recover without personal change?

A BS has no more right to continue in destructive behaviors anymore than a WS does. CS apparently pointed out a weakness in the recovery process for a poster that precipitated a rather large scale group attack. Take a look on the EN board and see some of the constructive conversations over the years concerning overcoming controlling behaviors, it is hardly anti-MB to do so. A person who sincerely seeks to recover a broken marriage should not leave any stone unturned. Personal recovery MUST go hand in hand with marital recovery for both WS and BS.

Ridicule and sarcasm such as in the quote above bemuse me, I have read hundreds of BSs claim they would NEVER have an affair over the years, with hardly a ripple. BTW, people don’t always need help when they first come to the forums. My H and I didn’t know about them and our recovery was based on reading and implementing SAA and HNHN. We did not need help from the forums but does this mean I should not have participated? I was quite impressed with the majority of CS’s responses to personal attacks myself, she is an articulate, intelligent woman and quite a bit more patient with you all than I would have expected.

Knewbetter,

1st off, Shaden's post was in relation to this thread and this thread only. Going back to the issues of the prior messy thread where Cin Suga's "honesty" was severly questioned with my "honesty" is just digging up old dirt.

I'll play.

You said Cin Suga "pointed out" the BS may have other issues....REALLY????

She did more than just point out....she hammered him on it, expanded upon it, drew huge inferences and out and out ABUSED sbmmal on this issue. Sbmmal is on MB for assitance with busting up his wife's affair. Later, when the affair is over he should go very deeply into the issues that precipitated the breakdown of the marriage. The issues could be discussed, that is clear but to make him out as a wife abuser and deserving of his wife's mistrust AND then infidelity is/was cruel and uncalled for. She was given many posts and opportunities to politely recognize her words were misguided and hurtful but failed to grasp what those here experienced with infidelity could easily grasp.

That's not all she did. She abused NotSoUneak too. With some of her very first posts.

Now, before anyone else responds to KnewBetter I think you all should understand this messenger and think about why KNWEBETTER would speak to us this way, as well as why she may be SO interested in what is happening with Cinnamon Sugar without as much offering ways to obtain a positive resolution to this argument/debate. To put it bluntly: When people want to have "input" you must sometimes beware of those who will want to see us all fail because it confirms that their own failure was normal and valid. To be very blunt KNEWBETTER post seems quite negative. Please BEWARE.

I would caution all against internalizing this statement (or any statement) made by KNEWBETTER: "Personal recovery MUST go hand in hand with marital recovery for both WS and BS."

If you have read and understood any of the info on this site, this statement is patently absurd. When your wayward spouse discontinues their wayward way, only then can a BS truly commence FULL personally recovery, and, of course, marital recovery.

Mr. Wondering

Can SOMEONE, ANYONE PLEASE give me the recipe for CinnamonSugar toast. I'm hungry. (and it's Breakfast time here)

Go chase down a Kangaroo, ya silly furriner!!! I'd say shoot one, but what with your being disarmed and all... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

1st off, Shaden's post was in relation to this thread and this thread only. Going back to the issues of the prior messy thread where Cin Suga's "honesty" was severly questioned with my "honesty" is just digging up old dirt

The quote was from this thread and referenced this thread only.

Now, before anyone else responds to KnewBetter I think you all should understand this messenger and think about why KNWEBETTER would speak to us this way, as well as why she may be SO interested in what is happening with Cinnamon Sugar without as much offering ways to obtain a positive resolution to this argument/debate.

A positive resolution would be to try to listen carefully to what is being said by other posters/people without using disrespectful judgment when replying. Of course there are many on the board who do not feel that MB concepts apply to anyone other than their spouse but the acceptance of using DJs as a method to disagree can easily leak into the marriage.



When people want to have "input" you must sometimes beware of those who will want to see us all fail because it confirms that their own failure was normal and valid.

This is a good example of a DJ. I would love to see recovery, TRUE recovery for all who arrive here and I have put quite a bit of personal time in on this board to do so using the MB concepts as my guide.

Oh Mr. W, there is absolutely no failure, our marriage is wonderful and it is in large part to the hope and tools that Dr. Harley’s work gave us years ago. Life is GRAND, I wish the same for you Mr. Wondering!

When your wayward spouse discontinues their wayward way, only then a BS can personally start recovery and of course, marital recovery".

Yes, BUT it’s a process. Sorry if you misunderstood that, I should have been more clear. Addictions, abusive behavior ect. can sometimes take years to overcome and infidelity doesn’t excuse the fact that they need to be dealt with if the marriage is to be completely healed. Understanding there is a problem with our behavior must come before we can do anything about it. CS took issue with the sweeping under the rug of the poster's own understanding of himself.

The EN board covers many personal growth issues and has been a great help to many. It is a part of MB as well, a useful tool for those who want to examine personal and/ or marital issues. Dealing with personal issues doesn’t take anything away from the issue of a partner’s infidelity, if anything it enhances the individual’s ability to deal with it, kwim? Hope that this clears things up for you. KB

Sorry, to disappoint you but I have never had those feelings. I am not saying that it is imposiible, but it just isn't within the scope of my personality.

Kind of like doing drugs isn't...

Aren't there some things that you just have NO interest in participating in?