Ugh.... been four weeks since she moved out after D-day, and she's planning out future things with absolute certainty. Just the way she talks, shows that she thinks that the children are best off in this between-houses juggling, and this is the way that "her family" is, permenantly.
she's lied to her family that she's tried, and "cant make things work between us". So they're all supporting her in divorce preparations, and wont listen to me.

she refuses to talk about the issues between us. just says that things are "unfixable". has claimed that she would talk about them once or twice in the past, scheduled a future time.. and then backed out. hasnt even attempted that in 2 weeks.

i see her maybe 10/20 minutes a week, and it's basically just "hi, here are the kids." "here's an adjustment to the schedule we need to work on."

I feel like there's no hope.. not because it isnt possible to fix things.... but simply that I am given no opportunity to try ; ;

How are you at being good to yourself, techie?

At being grounded?

Staying present...is a wise and healthy thing to do.

You can't control where she stays...future, past or otherwise...you can choose your own context.

What are you doing for you? Are you eliminating LBs because they hurt you, others and relationships?

Are you working on your own O&H statements?

Why are you taking her truth and trying to refute it? It's hers...so is the fantasy she's living...not yours. Your truth is that this bites...and hard. Your truth is valid. It's yours.

Instead of fixing things...why not focus on yourself, who you really are and sharing who you really are?

What else you got to do, hmmm?

LA

dont know what O&H is. yes, working on eliminating ALL LBs. think I'm doing pretty well in that reguard. not that it shows much.

I'm mostly busy either taking care of kids on those days, or reading up on "free" days.

i'm surviving.

want to DO something. know that this can possibly get better when we have virtually no contact. or know ways I can improve/increase contact with more positive possibilities.

Welcome. Sadly, men want to DO something. But there is little you can do.

Your wife is being the typical wayward wife - she sees no problems because she is very selfish right now.

Stay in Plan A, and work on yourself. Affairs usually end.

Thanks. I'm not entirely sure whether she's still "seeing" him or not. not asking about it. I'm worried that our last 6 months of marriage have been so bad that even after its over, she wont want to come back.

it's MOSTLY been about arguing about their EA, which she said "Just friends" of course. But I'm guessing that she wont look at it as driven by that :-(