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forgot to mention ... he's been home 2 months now.
Am I being impatient here? Honestly, sometimes I just want to tell him to f*** off, go to her if you want to that bad. I don't want to be the winner by default.
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1. Is H making deposits in your love bank?
Yes? .... what are they.
2. Is H making withdrawls from your love bank?
Yes? ... what are they?
Pep
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Pep, I think he makes just enough deposits to keep me here,but no more. What are they? Hmm. Well, his physical presence? He shoots an ily every so often. He holds my hand, every so often. Mostly though, he comes home from work, eats dinner, goes upstairs to play guitar and watch TV. Spends little time with the kids. Those would be withdrawals.
btw, he wants lots of sex. What's up with that?
Oh, and another big deposit, I guess, would be that he is going to IC. Although I did have to remind him to make an appt. when we got back from NY. I know I shouldn't have ... but I did.
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Does he ever ask you how he's doing as far as making you feel loved and protected?
Pep
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pep--no. I think he's too much wallowing in his own grief to care much about mine.
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tell him
I need to share my life with someone who is interested in me as a person ... are you that man?
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1. When was your last date alone?
2. What was it? Dinner? Movie? Bowling?
Pep
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Pep, the problem is, he doesn't like to talk about our issues because, he says, it depresses him, thereby making him think about OW more. I guess with her, they didn't have "issues."
We spent six days in NYC alone. Had a good time. But I couldn't help always thinking he would rather have been with her.
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Pep, the problem is, he doesn't like to talk about our issues because, he says, it depresses him, thereby making him think about OW more. I guess with her, they didn't have "issues."
We spent six days in NYC alone. Had a good time. But I couldn't help always thinking he would rather have been with her.
Pep
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1, he says he's trying to move forward, and that his actions include IC and church. His IC tells him not to answer my questions, for now, because the C is working on my H's issues. He's had a sort of fantasy addiction for years now. The A, IMO, was taking it full circle, trying to realize the fantasy. As far as my actions are concerned, I'm in IC also.
2, went to NYC a couple of weeks ago.
3, Pep, I'm trying very hard to be the woman he's just dying to spend time with. But sometimes, every so often, it's like the dam bursts, and I have to let my feelings out about this whole damned A business. That puts him in depression. He thinks about OW. And the vicious cycle continues ...
So my only choice is to suck it up so as not to upset him. It just doesn't seem fair.
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recovery is
HARD
much harder than surviving the actual A
Pep
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I'm finding that out, Pep. I hope I'm up for it.
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for me
antidepressants were a requirement
I was a puddle without them
Pep
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arghh!!! How long did it take for you?
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how long did WHAT take for me?
Pep
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Went to bed, woke up depressed this morning.
How I REALLY feel ...
like I'm second best, like I'll never be anything to him
like images of H and OW together will never leave my brain, they've moved in
like, I could care less if a truck ran me over right now
like it would almost be good news if the doctor told me I had some terminal disease, then I could get out of this
like my life will never be good, ever again
I hate this ******. I want out.
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antidepressants ... if already on some, talk to physician about adjusting the dose....
recovery = 2 years
my H was pretty good at recovery after 8 months or so
his A was 18 months of "true love" ... so, when D-day happened, the rose was already off the bloom (pretty much)
you cannot recover the m right now ... you need to get stronger first
Pep
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i have zoloft but i don't take it. truth? it squelches my sex drive and I'm afraid if I take it, I won't much be able to "meet his needs."
why the rose already off the bloom after 18 month?
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i have zoloft but i don't take it. truth? it squelches my sex drive and I'm afraid if I take it, I won't much be able to "meet his needs." take the Zoloft and fake the sex drive why the rose already off the bloom after 18 month? I was in a hurry when I posted, sorry... I meant that the affair had just about run it's course when I discovered it ... my H was ready to GET OUT of his self-made trap Pep
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