I had a 3 year old son when I married my husband 14 years ago. My husband has always treated him like his own child. We also have a 12 year old son together. Our marriage was great until 1999 when I found out he was cheating. I think the relationship had been going on for about six months. I told him to leave and 4 months later he begged me to come back and I let him. The boys and I really missed him. He hated what he had done to us and assured me the relationship with the OW was over. So things were good for almost 4 years. Then he started acting strange. Always working, staying out late, not taking care of anything at home. I finally was fed up with his strange behavior and in the summer of 2004 I left. My biggest concern was for the boys. I did not want them to think that is how a family should be. I did tell him a month in advance that I was leaving, but of course he didn't believe me. He begged me to come back , but I wouldn't. So we lived apart for a year and a half. So Jan. of this year we both admit that we still love each other and want to work things out. He has to tells me a secret first. HE HAS A ONE AND A HALF YEAR OLD SON. You do the math. So now I see why he was acting strange before I left. Oh by the way this child is not from the OW from earlier. He claims this was a one night or two night stand! No I have not contacted her, but I do have her name and address off of the BC. She lives in another city. Okay so me trying to do the right thing AGAIN, forgives him. So for the last 5 months we have had a great time together. I'm happy , the kids are happy and he's happy. We still don't live together, but we are considering that also. This is the shocker. A couple of weeks ago he receives some news and needs to sit down with me and talk about it. NOT GOOD! Apparently a lady he started dating after I left had a baby last month. (I know about her because she has called me a couple of times to make sure we were still apart.) He is devastated. SO WHAT! I told him to get out of my face. I don't want to be your wife another minute. After I calmed down I told him that I would be a friend. He calls and tells me he loves me and the boys and that I should continue our relationship because this is part of his past and he didn't know either. He declares that he is a changed man and if I give him another chance he will prove it. How could he be so stupid. What is his problem. I've asked him, but of course I get no response besides the classic(everyone makes mistakes) Hello you've made this mistake before. Is it even a mistake the second go round. What happen to three strikes and you're out. I really do love him and we do have an awesome time when we are together. I love him,but I will feel like such a dummy if I continue to be his wife. I feel sorry for him for myself, but mostly for the children.

Okay help me out!

Should I divorce him?
Should I forgive him and work on our marriage? AGAIN?
Should I contact the OW?

Somebody please tell me something!

dis34

Some people have a REAL SLOW learning curve don't they? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

The questions that you are asking are ones that only YOU can answer. But I'll throw in a couple of other questions for you to consider.

Does WH want contact with either OC? If he does, How much?

How do YOU feel about being a Step Mom to his OC?

Do YOU want any contact with the OC?

Do you know anything about CS issues with the OC at this time?

No one would blame you and you certanly have grounds for divorce but do you really want to at this time? I think this can be worked out if you want to work through it!

If you decide to try and work this out WH will need to come home and be accountable for his actions. Have you thought about what conditions that YOU need for him to come home?

Contacting the OW would likely be a waste of time, effort, and an emotional trigger. I would not recommend it right now.

I'm hoping Dealan-De will pop into this thread. She is currently dealing with this and could be very helpful for you!

Continue posting and we'll help you through this the best we can.

Stay Strong!

Do you really need to be told??? Use your head this time, not your heart. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

We all know God hates divorce, but show me in the bible where it says to NOT use common sense.