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My mom knows what happend, his family does not... the kids are not, around when we discuss that we both decided we do not want to subject them to any of this, they are all young & there is no reason for them to know... he is just confusing, like right now he is fine & acting like nothing happend telling me he would do anything in the world for me, but tomoorow when he wakes up it will be a diffreent story... (it has always been like this though)... just has gotten worse since this, it is a really long story of everything that he has put me thru in the past 9 years...
again I am not making up excuses but I think it is why it lead up to this... Again I would like to thank you.... EVERYONE
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stay safe and stay in touch when you can. Hang in there. We DO care about what happens to you..there is no quick fix though..be strong for yourself and the kids and your H ...your H is just a bit lost right now
love & prayers
Mrs K
Me FWW 45
H BS 46
Married 24 yrs
3 sons 13,15,17
EA/PA
D-Day Aug 2005
RECOVERED.....YAY!!!
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As a start how about this: tell your H you're sorry, you want to make the marriage work & be better for you both. You need to work together to do this. Ask how WE can move forward.
Keep things focused on the future. Don't dwell on the specifics of what happened. If he gets angry tell him he has that right but you need to walk away as it's not productive. Reiterate you want to work towards a better future with him. Ask him if he wants that. If he doesn't know say you understand & leave it. Give him time. Just a start, just one small step.
Formerly nam
here since 07/31/03
coastal, CT
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Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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I am ok... Just been a long weekend & monday............
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Hi Rach
How are things, been thinking of you. How is your friend???
Me FWW 45
H BS 46
Married 24 yrs
3 sons 13,15,17
EA/PA
D-Day Aug 2005
RECOVERED.....YAY!!!
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I am ok.. been kinda rough but I am hanging in there...
I have not talked to her since that monday She is pretty upset with me which is fine as long as she knows that I care about her
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Keep hanging in there girl....I know sometimes its good to think about someone else who is in a worse place than you, but don't forget to concentrate on recovering YOUR marriage..
Hope your DD is going ok with everything....Think about you lots and your situation
Love & Prayers
Mrs K
Me FWW 45
H BS 46
Married 24 yrs
3 sons 13,15,17
EA/PA
D-Day Aug 2005
RECOVERED.....YAY!!!
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We are still working on us my daughtr if doing great.. She is still allowed to see her friend, as long as we dont see each other.. I am ok with that I do miss him alot but I am dealing with it.. Hubby is being great we are even talking about going to cancun just the 2 of us.. so we will see how that goes
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Good to hear thing are going better with you and H.
You will miss OM..its called withdrawl and it will pass...If you read Dr Harleys stuff on this site re infidelity, you will see yourself there and understand that you are not going crazy.
Hope you and H can get away for a couple of days....try and get a copy of His needs Her needs and read it, even if just for yourself to understand how you got to the place you were when A happened. Of course your H should read it too and both of you talk about why the A happened and what BOTH of you can do so nothing like it happens again...
Good to hear thing seem to be better for you Rach...keep on keeping on girl!!
love Mrs K
Me FWW 45
H BS 46
Married 24 yrs
3 sons 13,15,17
EA/PA
D-Day Aug 2005
RECOVERED.....YAY!!!
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Thank u mre k..
I know its withdrawl, I just miss him alot... I have talked to him.. He called me & we talked for about an hour, it was a good conversation & I told him sorry for everything & he told me I had no reason to say sorry.. there is alot more to the story.. but I dont want to discuss any of it on here sorry for that Anyway it was good talking to him & we agreed we will never talk again, both of us got off the phone in tears, me probually more than him, but I am ok with it I know I will never see him or talk to him again & I am OK with it
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Rach,
Does your Husband know about this? Congratulations - you just re-set the withdrawal clock to zero or as Mrs K just said - good grief.
You have to resist your inclinations to make ANY contact with the OM. Any contact sets you back to d-day.
You do still have Mrs K's email address don't you? Please email her if you can't post here. Let her help you.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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NO he does not know & i would rather him not know I did not call him he called me, & yes I taked to him, like I saidthere is some stuff going on that no one needs to know about I am sorry If I upset you, & now that this is all over & done with, There is no reason for me to talk to him at all...
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Rach - you didn't upset me but you most certainly ARE decieving yourself. You must tell your husband about the contact. He will find out eventually - you want to be the one that told him.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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HI,
I have decided I amnot telling him, there is no way for him to find out, & it really is for the best for everyone, I am not proud of what I did either thing & especially not proud of the results from what came of seeing him this last time & it is something I will have to live with, He should not have to he does not have the same views on this issue as I do , it just would not be good for him to know, along with her. I know I was stupid & I know I messed up BIG TIME.. It will not happen again & I know what I am doing
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Rachel, With the greatest possible respect to you, you have absolutely NO IDEA what you are doing.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Posts: 64
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With no disrespect to you, I know my life & I know my situation & I am doing what is best for him, the kids, the om wife & family, & myself
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Heh,
Well you just go ahead and decide for everyone..I'm sure that..given the wisdom you have demonstrated thus far..there is no way you could possibly be wrong..I mean..adults certainly do not value having the ability to make choices and decisions about their own lives.
Hmmm...worried that they might make some choices you don't like?
It's a one way street for you isn't it? You are the only one who counts.
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HI,
I have decided I amnot telling him, there is no way for him to find out, & it really is for the best for everyone, M, lying is not the "best thing" for anyone, nor are you qualified to determine what is the "best thing" for your H. In fact, you are the LEAST qualified person to make such a determination, since you are the VICTIMIZER. You have NO RIGHT to withhold this information from your H. To do so is cruel, manipulative and DANGEROUS. This is information about his life to which HE HAS A RIGHT. He needs to know that you cannot be trusted so he can protect himself and his children frm you. To NOT tell him is to keep him in a marriage based on a LIE. Honesty is the solution to infidelity, not more LIES. Tell the man the TRUTH. To do anything less is CRUEL and MANIPULATIVE.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am not trying to be rude, but you do not know the whole situation, & nor do I care to disclose it with you, MY CHILDREN DO NOT NEED TO BE PROTECTED FROM ME...
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