Hi,

Well I was sure that life was at the bottom, but it got worse. The only thing that was my santuary and going great for me was my JOB. Yesterday at 4pm my boss(owner)(i am GM)
told me that since we are really strapped for money, he has to let me go effective today. I can not believe it I was stunned, I am running this company and things are on the up and up and BAM, its all gone......

So when I finally leave and get to my car I call, my wife,(WW now), I told her that I will not be home soon, i have to take some time for my self, She hears something in my voice, Whats wrong, I said nothing and I would not tell you anyway. So she said it again, i then broke down and told her I got let go. She was pissed and had to hangup.....

I called her back and she said that she needs to worry on how the house is gonna get paid and is not worried about my emotional state she has to worry about herself. She hung up the phone and never talked to me again. She Texted message my phone about my son and thats it.

OMG, I truely believe this is payback, how could she....oh forget it.... Help

Is she still in an affair? If so this could be the reason for the selfishness. If not I hope you tell her your feelings. My FWH says a lot of mean and hurtful things. I wish I could give you an easy solution. I personally feel that is grounds for make some hard decisions. EIther #1- Divorce or #2 see if things are able to get better by trying plan A. My H loved plan A he would love to stay there forever! I wasn't really wanting to stay there that long. GOod Luck. (((hugs)))

Thanks for the hugs,

I do not know what is up. I know that I am really hurting and I know it will get better but......I am lonely.

NGU,

I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your job. I know that's a huge change to your reality, especially at this time.

Would you consider that when you called your WW, you wanted to tell her--automatically, when something this big happens, you want to share with your partner? Could part of her reaction have been because you lied?

When we saying "Nothing" when asked what is wrong...which is really being asked what are we feeling...we are lying, aren't we? Same with "I would not tell you anyway"...and then you do...

Living in truth takes practice...difficult to do in crisis, and yet, maybe the best time to do it. Highest stakes.

You get to choose what you believe--choosing to see this as her payback would be most destructive to you, wouldn't it? It's a shock to her, as it was to her...you don't know why she is reacting the way she is...sounds like pure fear to me...not payback. If you're gonna DJ, why not pick the one less destructive to you?

Be honest with yourself...aware of what you're feeling, choosing for thoughts and beliefs...and listen for God's voice...that's what I would do...well, and do even now...after a lot of practice.

Are you filing for unemployment today?

LA

Hi NGU,

How's your support system with all this? Do you have friends or relatives close by that treat you kindly? Might be time to lean on them more, while working through your M and work issues. Your WS sounds like she's in a nasty state of mind, I worry that she'll continue to kick you while you're down.

While agree that you should be truthful, you have to consider your confidants wisely. Plan's A/B are all planned in secrecy. Some things arent handled well by WS's. You are in Plan A? IF FS or DS are major needs for your WW, she might be quite upset by you loosing your job. Venting your fears/frustrations to her AT THIS TIME may be a big LB. I'd also start looking for a new job TODAY. Do not let her see you slack or wallow in Plan A. This ISNT a normal situation, otherwise you could lean on her. I dont think you can, right now.

A strong, confident man is so much more attractive than the alternative. "Yes, it's unfortunate, but who knows what's around the corner. I'll get back on the horse tomorrow. This will be exciting!". Demonstrating your stress and problem handling skills will be key here. Crisis is opportunity, show her how a man handles his problems. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Then go out and wallow over a beer with a friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I am very sorry. It's hard when you get hit with all this at the same time. Please, please find someone to talk with and take CARE of YOURSELF!!! - Dru

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I hope you are having a better today -Dru

Sorry for not responding but i have been out today on an interview, taking care of something for my kids and catching up on school work / personal paper work.....

LA,

She was the first person to call and the only one on my mind. I can not help what I feel about her and how she is a huge part of my life. I know that I have lied to her in the past but I need and am trying to create a path of posistive and trusting.

She wants to know everything and I tell her but I was really mad about the job loss and she would tell me that I am loser, liar etc... Which she has done?

She is using this to get me out of the house, she has said she has gone to her lawyer and filed a petition that I can not pay the bills and I need to get out. Remember she is the one who left the house.....

I can not apply for unemployment until monday, which i will do. I have a few job interviews lined up next week too.

Drucilla,

I am using my support system very well right now..... She is kicking no matter what. The past is what she keeps throwing at me. My EA with SIL, past stuff for 13 yrs. Me I do not even bring up the bad past but the good past....

The is no leaning on her, she hates me, I am the last guy she could ever be with, she rather die than be my wife.

NGU,

{{{hugz}}}}. Sorry to hear about the job loss. Has happened here b4. The BS still keep moving forward though. Is there a compensation pkg? Can you keep your mouth closed and not give the WS ammo?

Time to consult a lawyer and secure your finances. Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart.

Don't listen to the whines of the WS. See how her selfishness doesn't care about you? More trouble from her is coming. Get prepared. Don't get hurt....too much.

take care,
L.

No compensation package....

I am keeping my mouth closed. she was here before dropping off son, and getting their stuff together, all children and WS are going away tomorrow.

She wanted a drink and was talking away.....

What do you mean more trouble is coming?

Expect her to try and ruin you, even if you are trying to help her. Remember she is a WS and if she can break you she will certainly try.

R the children safe t/b around her with her drinking soo much?

L.

I definetely believe she will try and ruin me..... But why?

How do i get her to try again?

She is a great mother and would never do something stupid, I know that for sure.

How do I know she has moved on? or just rebeling?

I thought as the days go on it gets easier, but it is harder...... I miss her more and more everyday.....

Now that the family is going away today for a week, I am feeling weak too......

NGU,

What are you reading, researching...empowering yourself with knowledge? Why are you, after all your posts, still choosing to believe you can get her to try again?

You answered me saying...you chose to call your WW first for support...first person...and you didn't like how she treated you...you didn't get what you wanted from her...

I submit, you were trying to call your W and got your WW...which is your case, sir. You are doing that, not her. You know WW has her phone, her mind and body...my question remains...why are you treating your WW as your W?

LA

Sorry I have not posted in a week,

Things really Stink,

On sunday my FIL came to my house and told me to leave get out and when the house is sold i'll get my money. He accused me of a PA with my SIL for 10 yrs. Very sick this family has become, Yes i had an EA and have realized my mistakes, He got in my face wanted to hit me, Told me I i should die for ruining his entire family.

He went to punch me and i told him go ahead if that makes him a man.

his wife came up to the house and told him to get in the car etc.

Then my family has been away all week, WW called me because she needed help, son had a tooth ache. i told her call the doctor and work it out yourself.

I had to meet her on tuesday to get my girls, so they can work, she actually bought me coffee, for my ride home.

She uses TXT messaging, I hate to communicate that way but she doesn't talk for what ever reason. She told me to shut up on a text message.

I had to swap girls last night for my son, and she was very distant. i still hurts me why???????

((((NGU))))

focus on one thing at a time, did you find a job yet?
focus on finding a job.
i know it's hard but listen to LA.

your W not your w now she is your ww, don't expect much from her.
start working on yourself, go out with friends don't stay alone.
keep posting.
sorry about your FIL, don't let it bother you.

NGU,

Did you listen and repeat to your FIL? Did you hand back his opinions, his perception, respectfully? Did you own your EA, what you learned and acknowledge the devastation to your marriage?

These tools we're sharing here are important in EVERY relationship...you were facing the father of your WW...who is in pain, feels helpless and horrified, about what he has no control over. "I hear you want me to move out and forsake my marriage." Acknowledgment is not cowardice...it is total bravery and respect. It is REALITY.

One of the most difficult things to really get is OUT of the wayward state of mind...I used signals, when I thought "I don't deserve this" I didn't focus on how I was being treated, I focused on my own entitlement...which is a sign of resentment, wishful thinking and my own expectations which were paramount in me choosing my A's...eliminating that mindset, watching for signals, got me into the habit of reality, not fantasy...which is the only way to fight your WW's fantasy...and may be at the bottom of your constant struggle.

Entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.

Seeing yourself done to instead of your power in your choices, and respecting others' choices...is a wayward state of mind.

LA

LA ,

you are alwasy insiteful.....

Yes when state my information to my FIL, he kept calling me aliar or calling him one. I stated the fact and he said all that.

I am confused with the rest of your post.....

Just very down today too.....Actually cleaning, shampooing rugs etc. doing things to keep me busy


NGU