Welcome.

Two thoughts on this:

1. The hard thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing.

2. You are not responsible for making it ok for OM. Leaving him is a consequence of his decision to become involved with a married woman.

What about your innocent H feelings? He is suffering a consequence and had no decision in the matter. His feelings are paramount to OM--by like a himalaya or two.

Dont let OM's opinion and desires control your actions--he no doubt already had influence on your decisions in the past and your names spells out where THAT led you.

BE STRONG! GET OUT NOW!

Thanks for the advise. The first ten years of our marriage was fine. But then in 1995ish, my husband started working 2nd shift (night shift) and I continued to work on day shift. As the years went by, we became more like roomates than husband and wife. I had never went to after work outings (drinks and such) but I started doing that just to fill the void of my husband not being home. Well after 5 years at one particular job that he says began to cause the downfall of our marriage - I walked out...just to be with him and work on our marriage. Well, needless to say the stress of less income became too much to bear, so I got another job about 7 months later. This is where I met the OM. I started the job in Feb 06, but the A did not begin until August. I know that what I've done and continue to do is wrong. I am still a married woman living in sin and adultry. I just find it hard to leave to OM's house because I feel like this is my punishment for what I have done. Like I said, our D will be final on Sept the 6th, and I am here to tell you - reality has set in. I dont know what to do. I am so confused. The OM tells me that he loves me and crys and begs me not to leave him,,,promising that it will work out between us once everything (divorce) is final. I am just afraid I wont make it - I have never thought about suicide more in my whole entire life. I definitely need help [color:"brown"] [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />[color:"brown"] [/color]

When is prolonging a bad mistake the correct decision?

"I've become a drug addict and have made my life a mess ... so I might as well stay addicted."

..... huh?

"I live with a man I do not love and he might be dangerous. I won't leave."

........ huh?
........ huh?

Call your doctor & tell her/him you are in a pile of crap & are considering suicide & you recognize that is not a good choice.

ASK a REAL LIFE in the FLESH professional for

H E L P

When

is getting out of a bad decision the wrong choice? ~~~> WHEN you make a [color:"red"] MUCH WORSE DECISION [/color] trying to escape

SUICIDE = not the answer

Call your parents .... ask for their help!

Go to the nearest church ... ask to speak to the pastor ... tell your story

ask for help

do this TODAY

I am gonna edit your last post...ok?

"The first ten years of our marriage was fine. But then in 1995ish, my husband started working 2nd shift (night shift) and I continued to work on day shift. As the years went by, we became more like roomates than husband and wife. ( HERE COMES THE REVISIONIST HISTORY STATMENTS WHERE YOU BLAME YOUR H)I had never went to after work outings (drinks and such) but I started doing that just to fill the void of my husband not being home. ( I WANTED TO FLIRT AND HAVE SOME GUY PAY ATTENTION TO ME...)Well after 5 years at one particular job that he says began to cause the downfall of our marriage(BLAMING YOUR H) - I walked out...just to be with him and work on our marriage. (YOU WALKED OUT TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE? WIERD.) Well, needless to say the stress of less income became too much to bear, so I got another job about 7 months later. This is where I met the OM. I started the job in Feb 06, but the A did not begin until August. (BUT THE BEGINNINGS WERE MADE) I know that what I've done and continue to do is wrong. I am still a married woman living in sin and adultry. (AND SHACKING UP PROBABLY FOR FINANCIAL REASONS LIKE YOU STATED ABOVE) I just find it hard to leave to OM's house because I feel like this is my punishment for what I have done. Like I said, our D will be final on Sept the 6th, and I am here to tell you - reality has set in. I dont know what to do. I am so confused. The OM tells me that he loves me and crys and begs me not to leave him,,,promising that it will work out between us once everything (divorce) is final.(WHAT A WINNER...SO EMOTIONALLY SOUND..NOT!) I am just afraid I wont make it - I have never thought about suicide more in my whole entire life. I definitely need help (WON'T MAKE IT FINANCIALLY? OR ON YOUR OWN?)...

My response: I think you walked out, got a different job, money got tight, and somebody else flirted w/you at work and you allowed an affair to happen. You already rewrote history.

What else?

You moved in with a guy. You rewrote your marriage. Honey, my xh did the same thing. He instantly remarried the OW who was preggers. He was and is miserable. MISERABLE. He's emotionally unstable. He rages. He is angry and misdirects his anger. Should be at himself honestly.

Are you afraid of the lack ofmoney? being on your own? or that your H doesn't want you anymore?

Your rationale for staying is like this....and TRUST ME...I ACTUALLY HAD A PATIENT TELL ME THIS...

Me at work: "Sir you know we're doing this test as ordered by Dr. X because of your Lung cancer. Pt.: Yes. Peach: Let me ask you this. You are wishing to undergo this expensive testing. Your insurance is paying for this procedure. And you are still smoking? You just removed a whole pack of cigaretts from your pocket.?" pt.: "I do."
Peach: "Do you want us to help you fight the cancer?" Pt.: Yes. Peach: "Do you want to live?" Pt.: "I want to live." Peach; "Don't you think it's TIME TO QUIT SMOKING AND HELP YOUR LUNGS OUT?" Pt.: (angrily)"Lady I want to LIVE BUT I WANT TO KEEP SMOKING...GET IT?"

That's you. You want to end the pain but you can't eliminate THE CAUSE.

Wake up and smell the coffee.

Either you want the cure....Or you want the disease.

Want to be a hero? Call your husband and say the following:

"I love you. I made a huge mistake. I am so sorry and hope someday you will forgive me. Please, I need your help to save me, I need you to be my husband and rescue me. Please come get me. You don't have to take me home, but please save me. I want our life back."

If *I* was your husband, I would break all speed limits to come get you and deal with all the details later. Don't let the details get in the way of your happiness. MAKE A MOVE AND CALL HIM! Trust him to take care of you. If he doesn't respond the way you hope he will, chock it up to his pain, get the he** out of there on your own and follow the other peoples' advice above.

Please read the infidelity articles on the main site, they are eye openers. You can save yourself and your marriage, and you do not "own" anyone's feelings but your own.

GM,

Glad you are here. I am a FWW who lived with OM for over 2 years. You know in your gut what you need to do, so let's identify why you haven't done it yet.

Fill in the blank (if you wish).

If I leave OM, I am afraid that _______________________.

as someone who is hoping her H comes home...it's good to know that this really does happen!

Pepper...
This just about sums up my feelings. I am going to a therapist tomorrow and I have aready began to pack and slowly move some of my things out of OM's house into my parents. OM goes into work tonight at 2 am, I am seriously thinking about waiting until then to go home, and move the rest of my stuff out. Do you think that would be a bad idea:???

I know you didn't ask me, but I think it is a wonderful idea. You need to get out of there, and be with people who love you and have your, rather than their, best interests at heart.

I will pray for you tonight as you do this. You are showing incredible strength in taking charge of your own life. You should take pride in your strength at doing the right thing.

Thanks for the great eye opener!
If I leave OM, I am afraid of:
1) Hurting his feelings - I know what you're gonna say "I didnt have a problem hurting my H feelings.
2) I will have to immediately quit my job
3) I will be alone

I know these are all 3 stupid reasons, which I am guessing is why you asked me to complete the sentence. I know what I have to do, its just getting the "balls" to do it. I am hoping I will be able to before its too late.

Ahnold:

Thanks for your words of encouragment and prayers!
I definitely appreciate them!

I confessed my affair this past Monday, see my first post in "Just Found Out" if interested. Before I did, I was miserable with guilt and very afraid of the future. I stepped through the looking glass when I told my wife. We had some rough moments, but I am so relieved now, the guilt is finally healing a little.

I took charge of my life and did not let my mistake rule my life.

You can too! You are showing the strength you have within you, and if you are able to do the right thing now, you will always be able to, because you know you were able to do something very hard once. The rest, the job, reconciling, healing, will be easier with the confidence of knowing that. Prayers and hugs!