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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 184
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My 2 cents relate to a fable I once heard. It is commonly called the Mayonnaise Jar. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with an unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions-- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.
The sand is everything else--the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. "Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised their hand and inquired what the beer represented.
The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers. Do you want a full life? Or just sand?
Moral of the Mayonnaise Jar: Do you want a full life? Or just sand? --------------------------------------------------------------- BS: Me: 33 WS: 32 Married 10 years Affair Started: May 06 Exposure: July 06 Daughter 4 years Son 2 years
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I think I will take your advice and go for it... I'll be back tomorrow to update you on my success - I hope!
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 141
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Go for it GM!!! Despite how hard it all may be, and how you may be feeling, know that all of us are cheering you on to do the right thing and will help you proceed from there. You will love yourself for doing the right thing too.
You and your husband have given me hope. Stay strong, and stop thinking about suicide too...talk to someone--in the flest--ASAP, like Pep said, parents, pastor, MD, husband, anyone and everyone that can help.
BH/FWH - 23 (me)
WW - 21
Married 3 years
OM - 25 (single)
no kids
Her A - 08/05-12-02-2006; started as a long-distance EA/PA--he moved to our town
My A - 11/05-01/06; NC let sent 06/02/06
WW claiming no interest in M, and me trying to save M (after having claimed no interest): 01/23/06
No kids
In Plan B from August to December
Back to Plan A for now
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Posts: 34
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YOU CAN AND MUST DO IT GM!!! I know you know this
Do everything that everyone here has said. Do NOT take any phone calls from OM at your parents or anywhere...hopefully he cannot contact you there.Be strong for you and your H...you guys DO HAVE A REAL CHANCE ....you BOTH need to read Dr Harley's stuff on this site about how an A starts etc His needs/Her needs. You can get another job but you will NEVER find another man like your H...as someone else said here..he is a real KEEPER
much love & prayers for you tonight
MrsK
Me FWW 45 H BS 46 Married 24 yrs 3 sons 13,15,17 EA/PA D-Day Aug 2005 RECOVERED.....YAY!!!
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Thor,
I've seen a similar version of this during a Seven Habits Course only they ended it by pouring a cup of coffee into the jar and saying there's always time to have a cup of coffee with a friend (spouse).
GM,
I'm glad you are taking the high road and doing the right thing for your family, you, and your sanity.
Last edited by vowsRsacred; 07/24/06 06:26 AM.
AKA
VowsRSacred/ VRS
Me 44 WH 46
dd Mar 7 06
Dday 2 Jan 19 07 EA and PA
DD 19
DS 10
DS 7
DD 4
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 141
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Posts: 141 |
GM...what happened? How are you?
BH/FWH - 23 (me)
WW - 21
Married 3 years
OM - 25 (single)
no kids
Her A - 08/05-12-02-2006; started as a long-distance EA/PA--he moved to our town
My A - 11/05-01/06; NC let sent 06/02/06
WW claiming no interest in M, and me trying to save M (after having claimed no interest): 01/23/06
No kids
In Plan B from August to December
Back to Plan A for now
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,033
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Posts: 2,033 |
GM,
Hope all is well. Ahnold hit that nail right on the head.
""I took charge of my life and did not let my mistake rule my life.""
THIS IS THE KEY TO IT!!!! Take CHARGE of your life! Become pro-active and not just blowing every which way the OM's wind is blowing.
Your H is the solid rock you need to anchor yourself. Then you can look deep inside yourself and become the person you wish you were and want to be!
Stay strong and God Bless You.
krk
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 287
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GM please update. I hope you are doing the right thing before it's too late.
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 76
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Yes... even if you didn't leave (which I of course hope you did), please update... if you couldn't find the strength, there are many people here who will and can help you find it... you've shown you are willing, but of course sometimes the follow-through can be a bit much.
Of course, if you did follow through, I hope it was with a no-contact letter to your (former) OM... if not, write one and deliver it to him when you go in to quit your job.
These are not eay things to do, but consider it penance.
** Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
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