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Is this LBing? - need help on reverse babbling maybe
#1713400 07/20/06 05:52 PM
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My WS was supposed to show up at the house last night to talk that he's ready to change and basically stood me up (didn't call, I had to call and found out he was with buddies and drinking and acting very stupid). I was thinking of texting him this:

What you did last night was not right! Please decide on what you want and stick with it and let me know. You want to change, but how long did that last?

I just want to get the point across, so I don't keep getting stood up. Or do I just ignore him and pretend like nothing happened?
Re: Is this LBing? - need help on reverse babbling maybe
Enoughalready #1713401 07/20/06 06:18 PM
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worthatry Offline
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The Plan A thing to do would be to text him and say something like, "I'm disappointed we didn't make the connection last night as intended. It hurt me that you didn't follow through. Wanna try again?"

The difference with this response is that you're not making a judgement. You're not giving an ultimatum. You're not LB'ing. Rather, you're expressing how you felt. Not what he didn't do. See the difference?

This doesn't mean your conclusions are wrong about him being a jerk - er, correction, an [censored].

The time for getting your point across will come.

JMHO

WAT
Re: Is this LBing? - need help on reverse babbling maybe
worthatry #1713402 07/20/06 06:47 PM
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Thanks, yea I see the difference. I guess it takes practice!
Re: Is this LBing? - need help on reverse babbling maybe
Enoughalready #1713403 07/20/06 06:57 PM
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worthatry Offline
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Yep, it does take a little practice.

You're normal. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Make it a point to use "I" statements - not "you" statement.

"I feel hurt" not, "You hurt me."

"I don't like it when I'm being criticised unfairly" not, "You've got your head up yer butt." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

"You" comes across as an attack.

OK?

This is not about "shielding" the WS from the truth by soft peddling the conversation. It's about preventing the BS from coming across as controlling and domineering. LBs for sure.

WAT
Re: Is this LBing? - need help on reverse babbling maybe
worthatry #1713404 07/20/06 07:00 PM
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Wow this is great stuff? Is there more about this anywhere? I read Orchid's suggestions on reverse babbling, but this seems more than that. I feel every time I talk to you, I learn so much. I think I've read little things here and there, but don't have much of a plan set up. I'm planning on going to the library today to get SAA. Is this in there?
Re: Is this LBing? - need help on reverse babbling maybe
Enoughalready #1713405 07/20/06 07:10 PM
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worthatry Offline
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I'm glad to help.

Please don't rely on my advice alone. There is a lot of wisdom on this forum and many, many others have similar and sometimes differing angles on stuff. Seek out the differences. Soak up the perspectives.

SAA may be in the libray. Also look for HN/HN (His Needs/Her Needs). Both by Harley. Another of my favorites is Private Lies by Frank Pittman. A bit more cerebral, but very, very good. Harley's will help in your actions. Pittman will help in a deeper understanding of the "disease."

If you can't find SAA in the library, order it from the bookstore on this site or just about any on-line bookseller. You'll be referring to it again and again. A good investment.

Orchid is the master at reverse babble. Must be a woman thing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WAT

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