I found this site yesterday. I have been looking for answers, advice, encourgement.

Married 11 years
4 kids, ages 11,10,7,5.

I discovered that my wife was having an emotional affair in early May. Hours of phone calls to and from the OM as well as recreational opportunites where both were present. The recreational activities usually involved alcohol and lasted until the early morning.
I confronted MW and the OM and heard what many of you have heard "we are just friends". I followed up with further investigation, catching MW and the OM on two occasions together in the early hours of the morning talking in remote locations. The first I was calm, cool and collected and told them both this was inappropriate. The second encounter was not so pleasant leaving the OM with bodily injuries.
Things improved slightly after the second encounter but MW still carried on recreational activities with the OM present. Many times I joined MW at these activities or the OMW was present at these activities. I was still anxious that the affair was not over.
Recently we had a very public fight over the affair with many frinds present. MW was devastated that I would bring up the affair with our friends around, I also said many things that would hurt MW the most. We have talked very little in over a week. MW gave me her wedding ring and said that we are over, "if I could talk to her the way I did then she does not want to be married anymore." I know I made a mistake, was out of line, inapporpriate, mean spirited and many other adjectives. The only thing is I can't get over the hurt I feel, and the mis-trust I feel about the EA.
I need to find a way to make things better to start mending the fences. Like the name implies I have four beautiful kids to fight for, they don't need to be brought up with divorced parents!!

I don't have any advice because I'm feeling quite broken and confused myself at the moment. But I wanted to say that God loves you, your wife and your children intensely. The devil hates marriage, and he's busy. Pray, pray, pray against the bondage in which your wife finds herself. It's from the pit. Whatever practical advice you get here, remember who is behind your present troubles.

I am sorry what you are going through. I just want to make sure that the OM's wife has been informed of the affair. What is her take on it? This OM is such a jerk. It also seems your wife is one also. I would ask her what her reaction would have been if the roles has been reversed? It sounds like the both of them are getting off disrespecting their spouses. I would suggest marriage counseling if she is willing. If she refuses to cut off the affair then seeing a lawyer about your options seem wise. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. I wish you luck.

The OM wife is aware that something is going on when on called to confont him on D day. The OM and the OMW started marriage counseling after D day. But I caught MW and the OM together twice after D day. I don't know how much the OMW knows, but after the second time I caught them together the bodily injury was not something that you could hide from your wife. Again, I don't know the story that the OMW was told, could have been a total fabrication.
We have started counseling, and MW was attending by herself, yet after last weekend whe say's she is not going anymore. From reading this site, I may have to move to Plan B.

Again contact the OM's wife and tell her everything you know. I guarantee you that the OM has not told her the truth and attempted to put a positive spin on everything. You need the OM's wife to know everything and keep a close watch on him. I agree Plan B is a consideration. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. What have been the consequences to her? My guess is probably pretty little. She continues to see the OM behind your back, continues to disrespect you and nothing is changed concerning her lifestyle. I wish you luck.