Post deleted by IFeelLikeAFool

You can and should trust your instincts on this. You "feel" that your husband (H) is having an affair with this woman. His behavior certainly indicates that he is. The old line here is "How can you tell when a WS is lying? Their lips are moving."

Take it from someone who has been there, he has many of the Red Flag behaviors going here. The unexplained anger, the unreasonableness, being dishonest......



A normal weekend? You may be able to put this to the back of your mind for a short time, but in the end you are going to have to deal with it.

First, I think, since your H is denying everything that you should try and confirm the A. You can put a digital recorder in his car and perhaps catch him speaking with her either on his cell phone or actually in the car. You can also put a GPS on his vehicle which will tell you where he has been. And there is a keylogger for the computer to ensure he doesn't have a secret account that he used to communicate with OW.

Read up on plan A here and keep posting, we know what you are going thru right now and want you to know that you are not alone.

Who

Do you or any of your friends have a camcorder? If so, go to the park and see what you can capture on tape. Don't confront unless you're discovered. If you're sighted by him, I suggest simply leaving without saying a word, if you already have the evidence on tape. I also suggest going with a close friend, NOT your daughter.

Make a copy of the tape and put the original away for safekeeping (preferably not in your home).

Later on, arrange for your daughter to be out of the house (any friends she can spend the night by?). Then, when WH is come, ask him where he's been and what he's been doing. If he starts to lie, casually put the tape on.

Exposure works best when there's absolutely no warning that it's going to happen.

Don't take any of his comments about spying, sneaking around, etc. to heart - you are not the one cheating on your spouse, you are only doing what needs to be done to protect your M.

If you are afraid of a physical confrontation, it might be a good idea to have a close friend with you.

Post deleted by IFeelLikeAFool

You know that they have already crossed the line in their relationship and so do they.


My FWH began discussing our marital issues with a former college classmate who lived 3000 miles away. It didn't take any time at all for them to share inappropriate information regarding their respective marriages. Then came the EA which of course, dispite the 3000 miles, led to an 8-month PA. Throughout the whole mess, FWH continued to talk about OW with me, just like they were still only long distance friends.

Like MIM said, you need to get your proof and expose this. I would start now by contacting OW's H and sharing your concerns. Don't warn your WH about this, just do it. Don't give them an opportunity for OW to tell her H that this crazy woman may be contacting him with some nutso story.

If this hasn't already become a PA, and I am not sure that it hasn't, you need to work to end this now. It has already reached the point where several lives are going to be disrupted. WH can't continue contact with this OW since they have already crossed the line and will never be safe from continuing the affair.

Who

It isn't. That's what it's important to get definite proof of whether or not something is going on, rather than torturing yourself over it. I did the latter for a week prior to D-Day in my case, and it was likely the worst week of my life. I still kick myself over having taking my FWW's words at face value when she was deep in her A. I was such a fool...

I wouldn't go to the picnic. You still won't have proof. I'm sure there is an affair going on.

I would get a keylogger on the computer, put a voice-activated recorder on the bottom of his car front seat, and install a GPS in his car if you can afford it.

Also if you are unable to enjoy your daughter, get yourself some anti-depressants. Don't fall for the calling you crazy thing - lots of cheaters pull that one.

Post deleted by IFeelLikeAFool

Usually RadioShack has those recorders.

Now is the time to do a great Plan A. Stop the accusations, be pleasant and happy.

We always joke that the wayward spouses are going by the Wayward Spouse Handbook. They all do and say the same things. It is almost comical.

I think they do believe their lies. My WH has been living with the OW for over 3 years, and still denies it to this day. She and her husband were my neighbors, and I'm still friends with him. His wife openly admits that she is living with my WH, but my husband won't admit it to anyone.

I want to thank all of you who took the time to post in this thread. To all of you who also prayed, please continue, and know that God is at work. I am transformed, enlightened and grateful due to your support. I am realizing this week that while I am not responsible for what my husband is doing, there is more that I should have been doing to keep him from being vulnerable to it. I've realized that the resentment I've tried to keep hidden for the sake of peace has reared itself in thinly veiled resistance and negativity. Being intentionally "pleasant and happy" has salved my soul and created an area of safety for my husband.

We had a good talk last night...movement towards the Truth. The window is open...and if you wouldn't mind praying extra hard for us right now, please, I covet your conversations with God for me, a stranger, and my dear husband...a really good man who I can clearly see is deceived by the evil one. As I have been.

I am deleting my posts because I do not want to risk him finding them as we go through this. My only hesitation is that they may have been useful to someone else who has been similarly blinded.

Thank you again, everyone. I know we have a long way to go. Baby steps....