Hello everyone,

I've got a quick question and I will probably answer it while writing this. My WS birthday is soon and I was debating giving her a card. You see I haven't seen or spoken to her in over 7 months. My birthday was a couple of weeks ago and she didn't acknowledge mine. I would like to do it but have reservations at the same time. If I do send it what should I say? I was thinking about saying something like this:

Hi W,

I hope you have a great birthday.
I am always here if you need anything.

chong

You have the right idea.

I have seen some cards that say something to the effect that
"We may have troubles but I still have feelings for you, and want to work things out."

Either approach will probably do what you want - which is telling her you are still thinking about her, but not being mushy.

SS

Why haven't you spoken to her in over 7 months?

I had the same question. My WH's bday is next month and I've been debating whether or not to acknowledge it. My IC said it would be appropriate to send a bday card to let him know I am thinking of him and still care. Keep the message simple and like Still Seeking said, don't be mushy.

To you, r2w, I'd ask, "Why are you STILL talking to him?"

Why aren't you in Plan B?

WAT

WAT:

her H only moved out 3 months ago. Remote plan A?

-ol' 2long

Having been guilty of staying in Plan A FAR 2long after my WS moved out, I'm now biased to going to Plan B real soon after separation.

Like right away.

Assuming all Plan A improvements have been demonstrated to the extent the WS will allow and all legal arrangements for the separation have been secured.

All the more so in a short term marriage with no kids.

JMHO

WAT

I guess I just don't know enough of the particulars of these sitches. I would agree, in cases like you describe.

So much depends on the emotional well-being of the BS in a case like that. As you know, it 2k me a long time 2 get 2 a position where I could be content one way or the other, regardless of what my W chooses 2 do.

I realized 2day that, perhaps because we're dealing with a financial dispute with a family member, that I really enjoy talking with my W again, even if it's over something not particularly enjoyable. That realization has nicely counterbalanced the realization I had several months ago, that I enjoy the soli2de when my W is out of town.

Sorry for the threadjack.

-ol' 2long

Worthatry,

"Why haven't you spoken to her in over 7 months?"

My story is just like everyone elses here. Here's a bit if history......

Me 34
W 33
M 9 years
Together 16 years
No children

I never confirmed but I'm 99.9% positive she had or is having an affair. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> She filed for marital separation in Oct 05 and with that came a restraining order which kicked me out of my house. I believe she had no intentions of working things out and she filed for D at the beginning of the new year. I don't know if she's in a MLC but I know she wasn't happy with herself. She recently got a boob job, tattoo and new sports car.

Since we have no children there really isn't a reason to communicate. So I didn't think Plan A was a good option. I guess I implimented Plan B. I was hoping she might come around but she didn't. The next thing I know it's been 7 months. I probably should have tried to contact her throughout the year but I didn't feel like that was my job. I always have been the one to pursue and I felt that if she wants me back she should be the one to make the first move.

I don't expect that she'll respond to the card I gave her. And at this point I don't expect anything but a big fat D.

Any questions or suggestions feel free to ask.

Chong

WAT,

I've been in Plan B since early June. This is a silly question: no b-day card to WH if I'm in Plan B? It's so hard to neglect his b-day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I know, I know, he's the one who is neglecting our M so why even acknowledge his b-day! This is really hard for me.

I just need to be reminded by MBers every once in awhile. A 2x4 across my forehead would be nice right about now! Thanks for keeping me on my toes.

My WS's Bday was a week ago. I bought her a giant sized Special Dark Candy Bar (her favorite) and a card from the aisle where you would buy a card for a friend. It was simple and straight forward, that she is special and should enjoy her day.

I was at work when she opened it (left it on table in morning).

She appreciated it. For me it was part of Plan A, but I don't see how it can't work for Plan B.

I am no lawyer, but I thought Legal Separation is not possible if one of the parties is committing adultery.

Chong - what was the logic for the RO?

Did you contest it?

This doesn't make sense unless you threatened her or did something else to warrant the RO.

It's water over the dam, but Plan A was indeed a good option. No, it's not your job to contact her unless you want to try to save the marriage. Yes, you were morally right to expect her to make the first move because she was in the wrong.

Guess what?

You were "right" and she is wrong, but you're heading to divorce.

Do you have a legal separation? Have you secured your share of the marital assets?

Boob job and tatoos? Are you sure you still want this plastic hybrid?

WAT

Hahahaha! I have tears in my eyes. Thanks for the pick me up, WAT

Thanks for ya'lls responses.

Worthatry I did not contest anything. In my state when you file for legal separation a restraining order is always filed as well. I never threatened her in any way.

But that's not why I'm writing. I sent the birthday card and got this response by way of text.

"Thank you for the birthday card. I was shocked. I feel like you hate me. Well anyway thank you!"

What do ya'll think I should do? If anything? I thought about asking her out to diner one night this week. Do you think she is full of guilt and that's why she thinks I hate her. I don't know. I need some help here on this one. Please advise.

Chong

Plan A, man.

Assume the card deposited some love units and the bank is open for more deposits.

That was a "drive through" and you need to do a face to face for bigger deposits.

By all means, ask for a date.

Alternatively, write a Plan A letter. This is just like a Plan B letter, but without the "going dark" punch line.

I'm curious about the automatic RO. I can't believe this can't get lifted. Otherwise, how to you arrange for a date and have one?


None of us can tell. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe she doesn't think you hate her at all and just said that. She's a woman you know. No means yes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Plan A yer butt off.

WAT

Thanks for the response.

The restraining order was to get me out of the house and for the bank accounts ect. It wouldn't effect me seeing her if she wanted.

I guess I'll ask her out and see what happens. I'm a little nervous about it though. I guess that's normal.

Any other thoughts are welcome.

Chong