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linmar Offline OP
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I've been reading on here for awhile and have gained alot of insight from many of your posts. But, I've come out of lurking to seek some answers.

I had an affair 3 years ago and was physical with the OM for just a few days before it all ended. I have confessed everything to my husband and we have been working hard together to recover our marriage. We have worked through many struggles and now understand why the affair happened and how to prevent this horrible thing from ever occurring again.

Now, to my question....I was JUST diagnosed with herpes a few weeks ago! My husband has NEVER been with anyone else. He does get cold sores, but he has not had a cold sore since the affair. Is it possible that I received the herpes virus from the OM and it is just showing up after 3 years?

Thank you to any that is knowledgeable on this subject. I have asked my Dr. many questions, but I still feel I don't understand how this could happen now. This is so very hard for my husband and I to deal with at this point in our recovery!

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Herpes can be latent for many years. Get tested to see which type herpes you have. It could also be if your H has cold sores that he gave you the herpes. I am very sorry. I know this has to got be triggering your H pretty badly. If you both can avoid placing blame and just keep moving forward in your recovery it would serve you both well. Has your H been tested to see if he has the same type you have?

FTR, I have both types but have never had even a cold sore. I had my first outbreak of the other sort during a very stressful period in my life. Best I can figure one of us had prior to our marriage and it was latent for many years. The FOM did not have it as he was tested. I found out when my DS broke out shortly after birth. If you have children please be very careful. My DS got encephalitis from this virus. It caused a great deal of brain damage and seizures.


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Hi linmar -

Definately get tested - both of you. I believe it is possible to contract Herpes at child birth, so he may have had it all his life and not known it, even though he's never been with anyone but you. FF is right - it can be latent for many years. It varies from person to person - some people get one bad outbreak and rarely have a problem, some people have constant outbreaks, some never show any outward signs.

The best thing to do though is to consult your doctor. They're the experts.


Formerly known as brokenbird

BH (Me) - 38
WW (Magpie) - 31
Married 2001 (Together 8 years)
DS - 13
DD - 5
EA/PA - 9/05-12/05
D-Day - 11/05

Second separation. Working on me.

If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you.
John 15:7 (NIV)
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linmar Offline OP
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Thank you both for your replies.

Yes, I had symptoms and was tested. The test came back positive for the herpes virus. The nurse told me if my husband was tested through a blood test, that it would just show he carries the herpes virus because he gets cold sores. She told me that I wouldn't be able to tell if he had the other type that causes "GH". The only way to know if he carries the "GH" virus is if he showed symptoms. That is what she told me anyways.

This is HUGE trigger for my H. I go back to the Dr. next week and will be able to ask alot of questions. But, my H is now afraid of being intimate with me in any way. We were doing so great, and now this just pops up out of no where! I don't know how we will move past this?!

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You can find out if it is type 1 or type 2 via a blood test. So you have the type 2. It is possible your H also has type 2 but it shows up as cold sores. He should be tested.

I copied the following from www.niaid.nih.gov/factsheets/stdherp.htm

Genital Herpes
OVERVIEW
Genital herpes is an infection of the genitals, buttocks, or anal area caused by herpes simplex virus (HSV). There are two types of HSV.
HSV type 1 most commonly infects the mouth and lips, causing sores known as fever blisters or cold sores. It is also an important cause of sores to the genitals.
HSV type 2 is the usual cause of genital herpes, but it also can infect the mouth.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1 out of 5 American teenagers and adults is infected with HSV-2. Women are more commonly infected than men. In the United States, 1 out of 4 women is infected with HSV-2.

Since the late 1970s, the number of people with genital herpes infection has increased 30 percent nationwide. The largest increase has been among teens and young adults.

TRANSMISSION
If you have genital herpes infection, you can easily pass or transmit the virus to an uninfected partner during sex.

Most people get genital herpes by having sex with someone who is shedding the herpes virus either during an outbreak or during a period with no symptoms. People who do not know they have herpes play an important role in transmission.

You can transmit herpes through close contact other than sexual intercourse, through oral sex or close skin-to-skin contact, for example.

The virus is spread rarely, if at all, by objects such as a toilet seat or hot tub.

Reduce your risk of spreading herpes

People with herpes should follow a few simple steps to avoid spreading the infection to other places on their body or other people.

Avoid touching the infected area during an outbreak, and wash your hands after contact with the area.
Do not have sexual contact (vaginal, oral, or anal) from the time of first genital symptoms until symptoms are completely gone.
TREATMENT
Although there is no cure for genital herpes, your health care provider might prescribe an antiviral medicine to treat your symptoms and to help prevent future outbreaks. This can decrease the risk of passing herpes to sexual partners. Medicines to treat genital herpes are

Acyclovir (Zovirax)
Famciclovir (Famvir)
Valacyclovir (Valtrex)
SYMPTOMS
Symptoms of herpes are called outbreaks. The first outbreak appears within 2 weeks after you become infected and can last for several weeks. These symptoms might include tingling or sores near the area where the virus has entered the body, such as on the genital or rectal area, on buttocks or thighs, or occasionally on other parts of the body where the virus has entered through broken skin. They also can occur inside the vagina and on the cervix in women, or in the urinary passage of women and men. Small red bumps appear first, develop into small blisters, and then become itchy, painful sores that might develop a crust and will heal without leaving a scar.

Sometimes, there is a crack or raw area or some redness without pain, itching, or tingling.

Other symptoms that may accompany the first (and less often future) outbreak of genital herpes are fever, headache, muscle aches, painful or difficult urination, vaginal discharge, and swollen glands in the groin area.

Often, though, people don’t recognize their first or subsequent outbreaks. People who have mild or no symptoms at all may not think they are infected with herpes. They can still transmit the virus to others, however.

Recurrence of herpes outbreaks

In most people, the virus can become active and cause outbreaks several times a year. This is called a recurrence, and infected people can have symptoms. HSV remains in certain nerve cells of your body for life. When the virus is triggered to be active, it travels along the nerves to your skin. There, it makes more virus and sometimes new sores near the site of the first outbreak.

Recurrences are generally much milder than the first outbreak of genital herpes. HSV-2 genital infection is more likely to result in recurrences than HSV-1 genital infection. Recurrences become less common over time.

Symptoms from recurrences might include itching, tingling, vaginal discharge, and a burning feeling or pain in the genital or anal area. Sores may be present during a recurrence, but sometimes they are small and easily overlooked.

Sometimes, the virus can become active but not cause any visible sores or any symptoms. During these times, small amounts of the virus may be shed at or near places of the first infection, in fluids from the mouth, penis, or vagina, or from barely noticeable sores. This is called asymptomatic (without symptoms) shedding. Even though you are not aware of the shedding, you can infect a sexual partner during this time. Asymptomatic shedding is an important factor in the spread of herpes.

DIAGNOSIS
Your health care provider can diagnose typical genital herpes by looking at the sores. Some cases, however, are more difficult to diagnose.

The virus sometimes, but not always, can be detected by a laboratory test called a culture. A culture is done when your health care provider uses a swab to get and study material from a suspected herpes sore. You may still have genital herpes, however, even if your culture is negative (which means it does not show HSV).

A blood test cannot show whether you are having a herpes outbreak, but it can show if you are infected with HSV. Newer blood tests, called type-specific tests, can tell whether you are infected with HSV-1 or HSV-2. Blood tests cannot tell between genital and other herpes infections. Health experts assume, however, that if you are positive for HSV-2, you have had genital infection.

Coping with herpes

A diagnosis of genital herpes can have emotional effects whether or not symptoms are present. If you have genital herpes, you are probably concerned about the effect of your disease on personal relationships. In addition, your sexual partner may be concerned about their risk of infection. Proper counseling and treatment can help you and your partner learn to cope with the disease.

PREVENTION
Because herpes can be transmitted from someone who has no symptoms, using these precautions is not enough to prevent transmission. Recently, the Food and Drug Administration approved Valtrex for use in preventing transmission of genital herpes. It has to be taken continuously by the infected person, and while it significantly decreases the risk of the transmission of herpes, transmission can still occur.

Do not have oral genital contact in the presence of any symptoms or findings of oral herpes.
Using barriers such as condoms during sexual activity may decrease transmission, but transmission can occur even if condoms are used correctly. Condoms may not cover all infected areas.
COMPLICATIONS
Genital herpes infections usually do not cause serious health problems in healthy adults. In some people whose immune systems do not work properly, genital herpes outbreaks can be unusually severe and long lasting.

Occasionally, people with normal immune systems can get herpes infection of the eye, called ocular herpes. Ocular herpes is usually caused by HSV-1 but sometimes by HSV-2. It can occasionally result in serious eye disease, including blindness.

A woman with herpes who is pregnant can pass the infection to her baby. A baby born with herpes might die or have serious brain, skin, or eye problems. Pregnant women who have herpes, or whose sex partner has herpes should discuss the situation with her health care provider. Together they can make a plan to reduce her or her baby’s risk of getting infected. Babies who are born with herpes do better if the disease is recognized and treated early.

Genital herpes, like other genital diseases that cause sores, is important in the spread of HIV infection.

Last edited by faithful follower; 07/21/06 05:42 PM.

Faith

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linmar Offline OP
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Faithful Follower,
Thank you very much for posting this. I have read much on this, but I am still confused about a few things...

Quote
The first outbreak appears within 2 weeks after you become infected and can last for several weeks.

I just had my first "known" outbreak a few weeks ago. I have had other "minor" concerns in the past few years since the A, but never went to the Dr. and dismissed the idea of it being "GH". This recent outbreak was 3 days after being "with" my husband. My husband has no cold sore symptoms and hasn't in over 3 years. Do you think it is possible that even though my husband does not have cold sores present that the virus can still be spread by him?

Quote
Newer blood tests, called type-specific tests, can tell whether you are infected with HSV-1 or HSV-2. Blood tests cannot tell between genital and other herpes infections. Health experts assume, however, that if you are positive for HSV-2, you have had genital infection.

This is one thing I didn't know. I didn't know you can tell from the blood test which type you have ...HSV-1 or HSV-2.


I guess it would be best if my H had a blood test. Then we would know which type he has for sure. If he has HSV-2 though, I would have to think he got that from me?

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FYI

this blood test is not especially reliable

lots of false positive or false negative results

and the results are sometimes hard to interpret

what is the more reliable test, is a swab taken from an ulcer at the time of an outbreak

Pep

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linmar Offline OP
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Pep,
This is what I had heard about the blood tests. So, if my H never has an outbreak, we would never know for sure. I had the proper test from an outbreak. The nurse at the office said that we just can't beat ourselves up over this because we may never really know where it came from. She even said it's possible that I could have carried this for many years without knowing it. Even prior to the OM.

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Quote
Do you think it is possible that even though my husband does not have cold sores present that the virus can still be spread by him?


yes ... there can be viral shedding in absence of a lesion

... and (as gross as it sounds) sometimes the lesion is in the nose!

... so, if his nose was in the vicinity of your ~yahoo~ .... well.... it's possible .... you know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

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linmar Offline OP
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Well, I guess we will never know for sure how this came to be. That is the frustrating part. My H would like to point it all at the OM, but we can't be 100% sure that's where it came from. And now, how to live with it..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

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linmar, like I said since you have no way of truly knowing you both need to agree to not place blame. We are pretty certain mine came from a bf before my H that, I found out later, cheated on me with some questionable women.


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Quote
I have had other "minor" concerns in the past few years since the A, but never went to the Dr. and dismissed the idea of it being "GH".
I did too except I went to my gyno and SHE dismissed it as being anything.


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This has happened to me. It was a huge obstacle for me to overcome. I still blame WW but keep it to myself. I don't just carry it now. I have been in a full outbreak for about 5 months. I can't get my outbreak to stop.

But the answer is that yes - it is just something that I have learned to live with. What else can I do about it? When I was diagnosed though, there were a few weeks of absolute hatred for my WW. It did go away. I think fortunately my first outbreak happened early after Dday. If it had waited until now, I might have filed for divorce. I think it was better that it all came out sooner rather than later.

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pio, why not use the mideication for a bit? That will stop the outbreaks and give your immune system a break.


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What medication? All the doctor gave me was a cream which has had the tendency to spread it rather than stop it so I don't like using the cream. It has gone from the genital area to the insides of my thighs and that is where it hurts the worst.

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You could always go back to the doctor and ask for Valtrex, which is an antiviral drug. It's taken daily and is used to supress the herpes virus. In some cases people remain outbreak free for years.


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