I think if one runs to divorce without trying every resource in the church, specifically the process of church discipline spelled out in Matthew 18 is wrong.

To just run out and seek a divorce without trying to honor the covenent is wrong in my personal belief system.

I'm not sure God is honored by a marriage rife with abuse.

especially one which involves the legal conviction of sexual abuse of little boys, as was the situation with Anna's ex. The bible describes this man as one of the "Millstone" brothers - that it's better for a millstone to be hung around their necks and thrown into the depths of the sea than to offend one of these little ones!

To be clear, I don't know Anna's sitch in detail, so I can't judge.

What I do know is that many folks just get frustrated, and instead of going back to God, and the church where they said their vows, they look for a way out.

I'm not saying anyone should not take the steps needed to safeguard themselves or their children.

What I'm saying is divorce should be the very last step after every other step has been dillegently exhausted.

Otherwise, regardless what the offending spouse does, we run the risk of also offending and not honoring God, by not seeking to do everything possible to honor a vow taken before Him.

PS, the reason I encourage REAL church discipline, and not a rubber stamp to save the marriage at all costs, or a rubber stamp to get out without trying to address the real issues, is that it takes the personal bias of both parties in the marriage out of the equation.

If we really believe in God and trust Him, then we have to trust that God's church will see the truth and come down on an offending party.

I guess it boils down to do we trust God and His church.

Anna, what does your heart tell you?

Is there a way of addressing the divorce topic with your mother in a non-confrontational way? I would like to think that in those shoes, I could approach my mother and explain that while I understand her convictions, her words are hurtful to me. I believe that God would never intend for me to suffer a relationship that could seriously harm our children. I believe that God loves me. I pray for my ex to be saved, and I give my whole heart to my second husband and marriage, and to the children in our home.

If your mother thinks that you should not have married again, that this marriage is invalid or committing adultery to your first husband or however her beliefs lead her ... now that is a topic I'm not sure how to tackle.

My mother divorced when I was 7, and never was very religious, so all I can do is guess ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Mom often talks of a woman in her church who was beaten by her husband and divorced him, and decided to never remarry and to dedicate her life to working in Missions. She did not have any children, and I know the woman and I admire her alot. She's pretty, smart, educated, and does many wonderful things. However, I had 3 children and that wasn't an option for me; even if I'd stayed unmarried I would have had to work full time. I do think it's been easier in some ways for mom since I remarried, she hated telling people she had a divorced daughter. To her, divorce = failure.

Enlightened, I agree with you wholeheartedly about trying to save the marriage and going through the church. Unfortunately, I did not find any church we attended very helpful. I DID really benefit from the Catholic program Retrouvaille, altho it was what also showed me that our marriage could not be saved.