Did you know...... what God has yoked together....let no man put apart or otherwise known... M is not a piece of paper. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

This is not a religious thread. Just a statement which may help clarify some of the confusion and these are my thoughts.

Many think marriage is just a piece of paper. It is but when the A threatens a M, the reality of the M being more of a piece of paper sets in. But in reality, the M has always been more than a piece of paper. I believe I wrote about this several years ago but will bring it up again.

How is the M more than a piece of paper? Think about the words above then consider this: The M is a union of 2 separate persons who decide to live as 1 family. The blending of these 2 lives often has more consquences than most initially realize. Life experiences and time add to solidfying this union. The 3rd party in this union (God) is not invading the union but like a 3 fold chord, binds and strengthens the M so that it can exist as a single functioning family.

It goes deeper than being a functing family . We are not machines. The ties that bind run deep and when an A errupts those ties are tested to limits most of us never imagined.

That is where the yoked and intertwining of the strength of the M creates a test where the BS finds they have to pull with more than their own might. Many feel it is a war not the BS against the WS alone but the BS and family against the odds of the WS along with the horrid army mustered by the forces of evil.... (aka: mothership).

Does the WS have allies in the fight against the M? Yes. In the OP and all who aupport it. Is this a direct attack on the M and family? Yes.

The sad thing is that these A's are similar to the terrorist attacks. Often the A cells of terror appear to come out of no where. We call it d/d. The war that had bene raging within the spouse now turned WS errupts and now the rest of the family feels the force of a strang alien being in their midst.

When someone invades our homes, don't we feel compelled to fight? We may be peaceful people under normal conditions but is it right to fight? That transition from peaceful to defending our homestead (family/M) is hard. Remember d/d for many leaves the BS and family in shock. It takes time to overcome d-day(s).

The point to this post is to share the thought that when others are allowed to break up any family or M, they are fighting against more than a BS in shock. Whether you believe in a God or not, no one has a right to break up a family or M.

Now there will be agruments either way but this is a basic statement. Abuse should not be tolerated in a M. Adultery is grounds for divorce (scripturally at least). Bascially, an OP has no place in a M.

It does take time for the BS to find clarity and be able to figure out the damage the A has done to their family. During this mind numbing time, many find MB as a place that can help them cope. It isn't the answer for all but for many it has given us the support to survive and be able to move forward with the dignity and resepct which we deserve.

In my years here and experiences in life, I have yet to see a Ws remain a WS and be happy.

JMHO,
L.

Hi
Orchid- you always have such great advice on this site. I start to feel down and then I read what's on the MB discussion site and feel hope again. I have been in Plan B for 1 month now. It was my birthday last weekend and my husband left me a birthday card and book about sailing outside the front door. I've just taken sailing lessons which is something I've always wanted to do. I'm trying to move ahead and be independent and strong. My MIL surprised me from out of town the evening of my birthday. I know she is disappointed in her son's behavior but she has said that only he can control his actions- the rest of us cannot.She talks to him regularly and told me she knows he is not happy and that things aren't all rosie over at the OW's place where he is living. My daughter and I are leaving for a holiday in North Carolina next week on our own. We have gone there for a vacation the last 3 summers and we are still going to go without my husband. I'm sure he will miss not going. I am proud of myself because I booked the vacation and made the arrangements myself. Usually I relied on him to do these things. When we were in Plan A he would constantly tell me I could call him if I needed anything, not to hesitate. I feel good that I don't need him anymore. I hope everyday that the fog will lift. Are there any chances that he will come out of this sooner than the 2 yr. mark? He has been involved with the OW at his work since Nov. 05, moved in with her Dec. 05. I initiated Plan A and things were going really well after 6 months but I finally had to get off the roller coaster. He can't have both of us. We have now been in Plan B for a month.

No telling but you are doing the right things so you can move forward and when you are ready plan D (if necessary) will be easier. For now, give your plan B time. It will take time. Time is warped in the A.

Pray for that clear mind and calm heart so that when he comes out of the fog, you won't be in one too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Have a good vacation.

take care,
L.

I too believe what God put together man can't "put down".

As when I divorced, I saw it as the breaking of a legal agreement, not a spiritual divorce. Not something my God said was ok for my WS to do.

And since my XWH remained unrepentant and never sought help for his issues, I have been released from the spiritual union as well as the legal one now.

Folks, when a covenent such as a marriage is sancitifed by God, man can't take it down. Our laws are able however to recognize a dissolution of a marriage from the legal standpoint however.

But even God has grounds for a divorce. And they're quite different from man's laws. So don't worry. Your heavenly father has got your back always!

So what if your WS files.

Orchid, you were sooo right on when you wrote this, "The point to this post is to share the thought that when others are allowed to break up any family or M, they are fighting against more than a BS in shock. Whether you believe in a God or not, no one has a right to break up a family or M."

great words of wisdom! When you're waging war against marital terrorists (the OP and the WS), it's YOU AND GOD...not just YOU. You've got HIM beside YOU!

Our judge was a WOMAN! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

-AD

I may not believe in God, but that doesn't stop me from agreeing!

After all, all in nature and history point to the fact that destruction, retrogression, or evil to be more general, never triumphs permanently. All in all, evil is flawed and thus self-destructive...finite; good is perfect and thus self-preserving and self-expanding...infinite.

Orchid, are you back or something?! =)

Hi S&W,

Yes I'm back. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Officially anyhowz. In-law matters took longer than expected but I am distancing myself from some of their issues. I heard their grapevine that one of my BILs thinks in-laws should not have a say. Geeze....that was after he used to come over my house almost every week and take up my time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Relatives!!! Can't divorce 'em....or can u? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

How are you doing?

Thanks for your thoughts.

L.