Here's the story. Right now I have about 45 days left before I can go home. Thats important to know ahead of time. To start from the begining... My wife and I got married about 6 months before I was deployed. During our relationship before and after the marriage was awesome. There were no very big issues. None that I know of. My wife and I have always talked about everything. Our feelings and emotions. What was making each other unhappy and ways to fix it. We had the best relationship together. Now I got deployed and that puts an unimaginable stress on both of us. For the the first 3 months, things were fine. I came home on mid tour leave, and everything was great. Perfect almost. After I came off of leave, things went normally for about a month. One day while I was talking to her, she mentioned she gave her number to another guy. I was a little mad, but there wasn't much I could do. Since then, our marriage has been rocky. But she finally told me about the affair 3 days ago. Her family and friends knew about it from th start. nayr65@yahoo.com I forgive her, and she immediatly agreed to end contact and do anything to save the marriage and be with me. The very next day, she told me she loved Rob and thought she would rather be with him. But she was so confused about it. She kept saying over and over that she loves me. She decided to give our marriage a "chance". I instantly agreed. I love her and want her to be with me. I am willing to do everything. Understand everything going on, and I know that given the chance, we could make it work. I am confident that when I get home we will be able to work this out, but I am worried about getting there. And getting more than 1 week after I get home for her to decide. I feel that its unfair for her to make damands and deals like that. But I can't risk pushing her away by making demands of my own. She thinks that all this marriage counseling stuff is a load of crap and not true. She refuses to even listen to the suggestion. She thinks that love is just supposed to happen, and any other opinion is stupid, especially opinions of doctors and counselors. She has had an issue from childhood that was never solved and she blames the doctors. How can I save my marriage. I know she loved me, I know she wants to be with me, I know she wants the marriage to work, but she can't see past Rob. So far she has agreed to no contact, and has stuck to it, but it has only been 3 days. I am deployed. I am not there to fullfill any of her needs. Help me... Please...

First let me say thank you for being where you are.

Hopefully there will be some smarter people along in a bit. We have a number of prior service folks here who could give you great advice.

I figure you've been married a little over a year. Is that right? Do you have any kids together?

He's the OM (other man). He doesn't have a name any more. Got it? Is the OM married? Was he your friend? Is he in the service too?

nayr, sorry you are here, friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Have you exposed the affair to both your families? Do her parents know? Who is the OM?

the om is not married. in fact the om is an illegal imigrant with no future. my wifes entire family knows. in fact i believe they have even met him. I have never met him. he was some stranger who kept persistance with her at her work. she works at a gas station. neither of us had met him before. he has no family, is not married, has nothing to keep him around than my wife. when she told him that she wanted to be with me and would end it with him, he said he was gonna move to where some friends were in georgia. we live in upstate new york. i guess that gave her a jump start on those withdrawal symptoms. so far she says she hasn't seen or talked to him, but its only been 5 days. her family and friends say the same, and i want to believe, but i just don't know. i need help.

do you have any ways of spying cell phones email accounts friends out there while your taking care of all of us out there<thank you by the way>
dont believe much of what you hear and wait for some veteran members to get you in a plan of action

the cell phone is my account...i have access to all records, i know her email password and everything and check it daily, but im guessing the om has no computer. as far as friends and stuff....none...i am stationed in Ft Drum, but she is living syracuse with her aunt. its an hour away. she has refused to move back to the apartment we have on post. she claims that she doesn't want to quit her job just in case it doesn't work out between us. and also that she doesn't want to live alone and do nothing everyday until i get home.

i wish i could repay you for fighting for the usa but im in nyc and cars broke or i would have gladly have done it for you i guess your gonna have to wait till you come home then youll see what you have to do to fix this.
your strong enough to fight terror ,,,youll be strong to save your marriage believe it and get yourself in a plan mode to start fixing this you can do it and im sure people here are going to give you advice and knowledge you need to suceed
start looking at other things on this site its helping me figure out my plan to get my wife back to

Nayr I am sorry to hear about your situation.

Hopefully you get some good advice here...

I will say this: You are not powerless.

Nayr, are you planning on calling INS to report him? I would.

When they come to get him, this would eliminate her interactions with him per the MB "NO Contact" prinicple.

This may have precipitated the problem...Is she quite young?

I notice that some of the younger wives have a problem with this one.

I know this may sound weird. And I don't wanna make this too personal. But even though you are not there to fulfill her every need to can still cater to one.

Every women craves the attention of their man. They live for it, breath it, couldn't live without it.

Remind her everyday of how it was before you left. Or when you first met. You know. Late night talks. Cuddling. Holding hands. Kissing. All the cute-sie stuff that made her feel wanted and needed.

Remind her of what you love about her. Remind her that you are coming home. That you're not abandoning her. That's she's your Princess...Queen.... and you want her pampered.


Now...About what's his face. To you he is nothing. To her he was something. Whether it be a booty call or more. He was something. But you have to put that behind you. Because holding that over her head is going to be stabbing her in the back while she falls face first into a pile of S***....

If you wanna talk more. let me know.

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P.S.

KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH!