I read soemthing that talked about how many couples have problems with MC and often the other problems that exist in their M in other areas of their M that are very important and left unresolved. What has been your experience in mC? What problem did you have with it, its strategies and techniques or what have you? Thank you.

Hi LLG,

H and I had two MCs, one good, one bad.

The "bad" one I wouldn't say was a poor MC... his style just didn't suit us (particularly H.) He had a Dr. Phil approach, was very blunt and not necessarily understanding of H's panic and anxiety problems. He sided with me quite a bit, and H felt he was ganged up on during our sessions. I'm terribly ashamed to admit this, but H and I saw this MC at the beginning of my A. The fact that he "sided" with me and didn't recognize the glaring symptoms that I was involved with another man is very disturbing to me now. I still carry tremendous guilt and shame over this.

Our next MC was fabulous, and she knew about the A. She was very pro-M, and even if I said ridiculous fog-laden things, she remained hopeful and positive. She NEVER sided with either of us, and remained focused on us as a couple. She also gave us multiple exercizes to do at home, something the first MC did not do. What made her so great was her honesty, her hopefulness, her attention on us as a couple and her very pro-active approach. She really seemed to care.

Also, the first MC was granted permission to look at H's IC file regarding his anxiety treatment. To this day, H feels betrayed that he let this MC read so deeply into his personal life and was so disrespected and unheard during our sessions.

Hope this helps a little!

KM