Where too start? I have been a viewer for several months now and was afraid to post, but here I go! From the start - Meet my H 11 years ago, we moved away from friends & family. I hated the move but grew to love it. After several years we moved back, again I wasn't happy after learning to love our new location. We married in 00' Twins in 01'.Again several years later another move was possible, this time to another state - not happy! I was a SAHM, during the course of 4 years (marriage) our involvement with each other stopped and we became only parents (Good ones at that- both of us). I tried to express my feelings and he "heard" me. Come to find out my communication skills were poor and he only heard but didn't listen. That's when I became a WS (all this is NOT an excuse for my affair) I became involved with OM 04' as only companionship. After several months we started a relationship. IMO I was manipulated by him, oh he was good at giving all that I felt I was missing assuring me he was the one, my H wasn't (again NOT an excuse). After 1 month of PA I became pregnant (precautions were used). I felt horrible about everything I had done and told my H. All family/friends on both sides had abandon me, with good reason. I felt ashamed, scared, trapped and all alone. How could I face anyone ever again - so I ran. Moved in with OM while still loving my H very much. I miscarried early and time went on. H became involved with OP and more time went on. We (myself & H) remained in contact several times a week from the start, still do all on Good grounds - no ugliness - I consider H as Best Friend. Both of our relationships ended, I suggested marriage counseling he agreed and we started - however we did not share the same reasons. After several visits he became frightened to fall in love again and upon my suggestion we stopped. I in the mean time became very depressed and started self medicating (use of alcohol & other, which is not my normal behavior) & an end life attempt. Use is only when the children are not with me! I really want to work it out with him; I miss my H, extended family and Life. I made a horrible mistake and I'm sorry - very sorry for hurting everyone including myself. I feel like I deserve everything that comes my way and should be punished forever! I LOVE YOU HONEY.....
