Well, I'm experiencing them all. This past weekend we took our son to college. We moved him in, went out for dinner and stayed the night. Next day we made the Walmart and grocery store trek and helped with finishing touches on room. I could tell he was ready for us to leave. As we walked back to van, I could barely hold it together. When I turned the corner, my tears literally spewed. I really cried hard. My h suggested we go down on the Riverfront for a while. We did that and had a beer and then drove 2 1/2 hours to our daughters.<P>We had dinner out that night with daughter. Next morningwas my H's birthday. I told him happy birthday and I loved him. He turned his back to me when I said that. We took daughter out for breakfast (I had previously told her we were seperating). NO ONE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING. HE KEPT TELLING HER TO "COME SEE US SOON". When I got in the van I started crying again. Not a handful of words were said on the 3 hour drive home.<P>We get home and there is message on the machine that realtor has offer on house. Offer isn't good, but they were the first people to see the house. I feel like the house will sell quickly.<P>I had appt to sign lease to the apartment today. So, last night I went in son's room and started boxing up what was left. It ticked H off. He was slamming pots and pans and acting ugly. He wouldn't talk to me. I don't know when he came to bed. He changed shirts twice this morning and primped more than usual....oh well -- wonder what that means.<P>I went at lunch, signed lease and did walk through of the apartment, alone. I sat in the middle of the floor and cried. I got sick to my stomach. I have never been on my own before. I went straight from my daddy's house to his.<P>He has said he wants to continue to see each other and talk. Also wants to come over and wash his clothes (no, wants to come over and ME wash his clothes. Don't think so).<P>I am feeling really weird at this moment. I know I will be okay after Friday when I actually move. I'm just trying to get all the boxes in so all I have to worry about is furniture on Friday when movers come.<P>I had hoped so much when I told him I loved him yesterday he would respond with an "I love you too". <P>How many more life changing moments can I have?? I want my life back. I want security again. I want to go more than 3 or 4 days without a crying jag.<P>I pray for God to wrap his loving arms around me and heal my hurt and bitterness. I pray for my children to understand and learn from this. I pray for my H to come out of his tomb of despair and depression before it is too late....<P>Attorney will have my separation papers ready Wednesday for signature. My movers are scheduled for Friday.<P>Right now I think I'm feeling sorry for myself. I just feel like I've lost it all. Thanks for letting me vent!!<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Janie (edited August 16, 1999).]

Oh, Janie, I'm so sorry for your pain. I imagine myself in your shoes and can't imagine moving out of my house. And it isn't the house, I'd sell this house in a second, it's as you said, the life changing moment. Like mine this weekend when someone told me my H was again seeing the OW. <P>Where is your next footfall when everything around you has changed? <P>God's grace has been constant with me since 4:00 pm Friday. His arms ARE around you. Pull up "Personal confessions" posted by Bozos_Deb this weekend. I've been reading through them at least once a day, remembering who I am.

Janie,<BR>I am lost for words right now to you.<BR>Am sending you a (((((( HUG ))))))<P>------------------<BR>"TIME" :)<P><BR>

Janie,<BR>I am so sorry.<BR>I am taking one daughter to college this week, and another in a couple of weeks. My H has been gone for 5 months, but I am dreading being "alone" with the 4 kids, and no "pseudo-adults". It must be so much harder for you.

Janie,<P>I am so sorry. I wish he didn't turn his back on you. Have you told him how that felt? You have tried soooo hard. <P>Is your daughter in denial about this?<P>I am divorced to my ex-husband. But this is exactly how I would envision things would be with our kids at college/empty nest age like yours if I were still married to him.<P>When he was angry - banging around the pots and pans, was it because reality is starting to hit him in the face?<P>Your family sounds so much like a family in total denial. Is this how you all resolved all your conflicts? By avoiding them, and denying them, and shoving them under the rug?<P>I just hope your new weekend with your new life is fulfilling and manageable.<P>God Bless.

Janie-<BR>I am so sorry you are where you are now. It is so hard. Mine h would do the same thing when I told him I loved him. It is so painful. I think that right now you h just doesn't know that meaning of love. Try to take a deep breathe, and relax. I know it is hard, but you deserve a break. God has a plan for all of us on this forum. He are his children and He is with us every step of the way. I stopped saying I love you to my h. It makes him feel guilty when I do. Don't ask for that kind of hurt. You know you love him, he knows you love him, try not to say it for awhile. <BR>Also, today was the first day in months I haven't cried. You will get there. Hold your head up high. You are doing all you can.<BR>God Bless You,<BR>Ceecee

I am so sorry for you. My husband has also received a diagnosis. He hs fought the diagnosis for over a year and has torn our family apart, has another woman, is making a fool of himself, has incredible anger, spends money like a mad man, is full of greed, paranoia, and is delusional. His reality doesn't correspond at all with any of ours...I think you will find that infidelity is often a symptom of an affective mood disorder (depression or bipolar)...it's also obsessive and compulsive...these people have lost the ability to deny themselves anything...in fact those are my husband's exact words...the new me can't deny himself anything...icky!!! well, he is about to deny himself to the poor house...our business is a financial mess...did I think someone who made such poor decisions in his personal life could make rational ones in his professional one??? not one bit of IQ lost, but his ability to truly care is out the window. I learned to separate my husband from his disease...I am trying to divorce the disease, because it is eating our family alive...and my husband as well, but he is too sick to see it. I can only control me...he can hit botton without his kids and me...his other woman can be there if he wants...but I refuse to continue to enable him to remain sick...today I have my wits about me, and tomorrow I may be on the floor in tears...it is what this disease does...AND DON'T THE MENTAL HEALTH LAWS IN THIS COUNTRY STINK!!!

Just wanted to add my support and prayers!

As you can see, you have many many friends. Stay around people, friends, family, whatever. Keep venting to people you can trust. Be alone as little as possible. This purpose of this time in your life is for you to feel the love of the people around you and know that it is real.<BR>

Janie,<P>I have no words of advise and only want you to know that you are being lifted up in prayer.<P>big {{{HUGS}}}<P><P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Please excuse me, Janie - I found this too tempting to reply to Teacher.... <P>Teacher - Have you found an online support group for spouses of someone with bi-polar mood disorder? I have run across this - and thought of you. I should have saved the link, but I didn't.

I carried boxes, etc. to apt. last night. Got home around 10 pm. H was lying across bed crying. Had counter offer on house within $4,900 of asking price. He said "looks like those people are going to buy this house". Long story short. He still doesn't know how he feels about "us" or really about "anything". It has hit him hard that son is gone to school, he is signing separation papers this week, house has sold and I'm moving out. He has decided to "find someone to talk to". Thank God. I told him I was still moving out. He said he wanted me to for my own sake, but that he hoped I wouldn't give up on him.<P>I'm exhausted. I don't know if he will follow through with this. I've heard it all before. I hope he will for his own sake. He is a very unhappy person. I still pray for the spirit of forgiveness. Right now my "love units" for H are emptying fast. I think separation is the right answer for right now. I just pray he will follow through with help for himself. Like I said, I've seen good intentions with no follow-through many times before.<P>On a light note, I'm the only tenant in our building right now (new construction). I was unpacking some boxes and it was dark. The icemaker cut loose some ice. You know how an empty place is -- loud. I jumped through the ceiling practically. What a chicken. I hope I get used to being by myself!!! <P><P>------------------<BR><P><BR>

God's Loving Arm's have been wrapped around you since the day you were born, like footprints in the sand, He's carrying you.<P>God Bless