what is the penalty for being late with $$$ he owes you?

Pep

Pep,

there are many things, first off would be a time set by the judge for him to pay or he can send some time behind bars. Then comes the garnishment of pay ...... Oh yeah and he will be charged interest as well.....

So he can either do it or ignor it and look out the cell window ..... Personally I prefer the garnishment because if he is behind bars I get nothing ...... Interest would be nice as well .....

Hurting

Hurting:

Your personal growth over this time has been REMARKABLE!

I often don't know what else could be said to you!

I sit back in AWE and AMAZEMENT as you have BLOSSOMED before our very eyes!!!

Of course, you are human...

But you are a testimony to how "Every cloud has a silver lining"....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Interesting how screw up his mind still is, eh? Give 'em what they ask for and still they are not satisfied.....such is the life of a WS.

That's why the A will fail. Even if he signs the OW will still be an OW and the bone of contention will still reign.

Yet you won't have t/d a thing. There w/b LBing from the OW to him all over the place. LOL!!!!! The great thing is he can no longer blame you for that.

His life of misery will continue. The lack of trust will be his way of life.

So much for moving up in this world. His stairway goes only 1 way......down, down, down......

U though are moving on up. He isn't going to pass you, he is already waaay below where you are. If he even wants to catch a glimpse of you, he has to work hard to move on up.

Btw, make sure you get every penny that been agreed for him to give you. Every penny....and a bit more if you can. Y? 'cuz your family is worth it and more. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Mimi,

thanks for the wonderful sentiment. I have grown a lot during all of this, I have learned many things. Even though this is not what I wanted I realize maybe its what needed to happen for me to become the person I needed to be. I still miss him and the marriage we used to have and yes to a degree I still love the man but I am doing ok without him.

Orchid,

your right he is so far below me right now I can't even see a shred of who he used to be. Who he is right now the OW is welcome to him, I have no desire to have a liar and cheat around me. As far as trust goes there will never be any between them how could there be. She knows what he has done as well as him knowing what she has done. Misery loves company they say.

As far as the money I am not backing down on that and he is gonna pay one way or another. Of this I will make sure....


Hurting

H, the other thing to consider is that, as soon as the D papers are finalised, he will be free to marry the OW. I wonder how much pressure she's putting him under to marry her? I'll bet you anything he's subconsciously dragging his heels against the reality of that...because it strips him of the fantasy of freedom and gets him right back in the 'rut' (as he probably told himself it was) with a less amenable woman.

You've grown so much, H, and I feel your weariness. But believe me, your H's he!! is just beginning...you will soar. Just give it time.

TA

Maybe you should call the ow and let her know that stbx has not signed the papers yet, and you need to move on. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
Tell her that they took everything from you, inclucing children, so why can't your stbx sign those darn papers? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

LOL. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I wouldn't give a rat's patootie what stbx thinks. You are no longer in plan A. Do that 180, okla.

You are sooooo worthy, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> and yes, you have mail. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Thanks guys for all the support and words of wisdom.

as far as him marrying her she is still married herself. She claims she is going to divorce but who really knows. And in Okla. there is a six month waiting period after a divorce before you can get married. So even if that was the case EXWH could not get married until Feb. and once her D happens she has to wait six months. So we are lookng at way into next year before they could become legal. anything could happen in that time.

Hurting

Isn't it odd that OW was pressuring him about the D but she hasn't even filed yet? Sometimes I think these WH do drag their feet so they are not available to remarry. I think they have a little, tiny, microscopic voice of reason that knows the OW is not someone they can take those vows with.

You sound good Hokie

How are you doing?

Pep,

thanks for asking how I am doing. This weekend was not very good one for me.

I pretty much told everyone but the dog off saturday. My adult children got the benifit of my anger because of things they said to me regarding their dad and his HO.

to make a long story short they are coming to visit along with my DD who went up there last month and to retrieve the rest of their belongings in storage. anyhow they go on and on about a trip they are planning to an amusement park while here. I said that should be fun then they lower the boom on yeah we are going with Dad and HO. They were talking about how the Ho is being nice and all.

Well needless to say I lost it on them. I told them all except YDS you are adults and I can do nothing about what you think or who you believe but do not ever talk to me about your Dad and his Ho anymore. I do not care what they do and I don't want to hear about all of you playing happy family on outings.

I bascially let them know I feel betrayed that they have taken up with her like I don't matter anymore. I get the mom we are nice to her because of dad , we don't want him mad. So I said you know what he didn't give a rats [censored] about any of you when he walked out. He didn't care we had no money for food, lights water nothing and here you sit kissing his butt and the ho's. I told them I am done with this crap. I don't want his name mentioned to me ever again.


Then yesterday YDS finally calls me after almost two weeks of me leaving messages on the answering machine at the Ho'S nest. He said mom you called, I said yes many times. He said well the nmber never showed on the caller id. I told him thats crap I have left numerous messages on the machine. He said well I didn't know. I said someone knew DS so they either erased them so you didn't know or you are just ignoring me. Either way I am done with this crap to. You are 16 yrs old and know how to call me. I told him you were suppose to come this weekend and you blew me off until sunday evening when its to late.

I told him you know I love you and miss you very much but I am not going to beg you to talk to me or see me. I said I am done being walked on by anyone. I have lost everything I ever had in this last year but I refuse to loose my dignaty by begging anyone to love me. I told him you know where I am when you want to talk.

there is much more to all of this but I just don't have the energy to type it all out. Plus WH came by here friday while I was at work and told his sister he would be over to the house Sunday to get the rest of hs junk and then as he put it," I will be out of all of your hair then." SIL says he is trying to get everyone to feel sorry for him. He is in self pity mode now. Anyhow he never showed up ..... to bad for him it all is going to the dump this week, he was warned......

So I am trying to recoup from a awful weekend. Maybe I was wrong saying things to the kids but they are adults except for YDS and are making choices to condone the behaviors of their dad. I can't stand by and say nothing anymore about how it hurts me and I feel pushed aside.


Hurting

Are you taking an antidepressant?

Pep,

I am not taking any AD'S. I dont have any insurance since WH took me off his last Aug. I don't have the money to go to a dr. or pay for meds. ****** I can barely afford to pay my bills as is. So I am going to have to muddle through this without those.

I dont feel depressed, I have been there done that. I am just angry right now. I generally am ok its when they bring stupid crap up I get angry and down. My anger has taken over control after all of this time. I want so badly to give it all to my EXWH, he deserves it. I have yet to tell him off about all of this but I know the day is coming I can feel it. And to be honest I don't care how he takes it, he can hate me forever....

Hurting

many times

depression is expressed as

anxiety

which is voiced with angry outbursts

.... most counties have public health services listed in the phone book .... treats people without insurance

Pep

Hi Hurting,

....I am sorry to hear about the choices your children are making and how it must hurt you (adult or no adult)...... but I think that if you 'communicate' with them in angry outbursts .... you are damaging YOUR relationship with them.... I am not saying you should not tell them that their choices hurt you, or how it would help you to NOT hear details of their outings with WS and OP......what I am suggesting is that you communicate with them in such way so that they are not being asked to CHOOSE between their parents..... they love you both.... I say this knowing full well how hard this is to do.....you cannot believe the energy it takes for me to NOT put my boys in the 'middle' because it would be sooooo easy....

quote:-----------------------------------------------------
I have yet to tell him off about all of this but I know the day is coming I can feel it. And to be honest I don't care how he takes it, he can hate me forever....
-----------------------------------------------------------

I am not worried so much about your WS..... I am more concerned about how you would feel about yourself..... AFTERWARDS.... as is always with anger.... in addition to the 'initial' stress release..... what will it accomplish? ....what will you be telling your WS that you have not yet already told him.... and that you could SAY to him otherwise than in ANGER and have a better chance at being heard?

.....because otherwise.....you are HELPING your WS and OP JUSTIFY their choices...... and I don't think you want to do that..... don't SELL your dignity..... for a few minutes of 'stress' release..... and in exchange feel additional 'frustration'..... because WS will not HEAR you! ...and the cycle will not be broken.... break the cycle...... I don't think your WS DESERVES the attention you are giving him!

.....YOU deserve YOUR ATTENTION!....... invest it in YOURSELF!

((((((((((((((((HURTING)))))))))))))

Did you call county services yet?

... or, ask your MIL to loan you the $$$ for medical treatment.

Pep

I agree with Pep.....

....too much happening too quickly....it must be overwhelming.... some medication might be in order to help out.....

Pep and Luna,

Thanks for the concern and yes I have called the mental health center and can't get in for three weeks. So I am just going to have to wait it out.

You know I guess the biggest problem right now for me is the kids having the approach of ok Mom its all over, dad is happy so why arn't you? they just want to sweep it all under the rug and pretend everything is rosy and that OW is rightfully where she belongs.

These kids saw everything I have been through , they lived the nightmare with me, but yet their dad can do no wrong. Are they that afraid of loosing him they will bow down to him and the OW?

I guess I am just tired and my emotions are running rampant right now. I have worked 9 days straight without a day off and am just exhausted some of the days being 12 hours long.

I talked to my DD this morning and she apologized for going on and on about her dad with me. I thanked her and said I know he is your dad but I am not the one to be talking to about him and the OW. She said she repects that and will not mention them again. I apologized for flying off the handle at her, she accepted. She said I know your still hurt and angry its ok.

It will all be ok..... I will be fine..


Hurting

hurting,

They saw, but they don't really know. They can't understand how you feel, because they don't feel it the same way you do.

I think that is why MB is so important. You get to share with folks who really do know your pain.

When my DD's learned of my FWH's A, they were ticked, mostly at OW, but then they moved on. Teenagers can be about as shallow as get all when it comes to real compassion.

You hang in there!

You are tired of being The Strong One

it's natural you'll collapse after awhile

be kind to yourself

Pep