My wife was emotionally and psychologically seduced by a member of the clergy 3 years ago. She considered him a legitimate man of God and trusted him unequivocally. However he calculatedly preyed on her emotions. One night inside the church when they were alone in a room he turned his sexual fantasy into action and physically forced himself on her.
Do you have a true understanding of these events?
Your wife is accountable for her failure to protect your marriage. Wearing rose colored glasses only prevents you from recovering.
She immediately informed me of his advances and he has left the ministry. However this was not the end of it. The church body did not completely believe her accounts of what took place and this totally devastated her. I tried my very best to love her through this whole appalling circumstance we found ourselves in. However she became distant to me when I tried to talk with her.
How did you respond to her during this? Did you support her publicly? Did you defend her publicly? Did you validate her shame and seek a solution to help her heal? Did she know you were in her corner the whole time?
Recently she has informed me that there was someone else in her life. She insists that they have not become physical but that she cares for him. She says that he was a fresh face she could talk to completely distant from her problems at home. Of course she says she’s sorry for what has happened and didn’t mean for it to become what it has.
She failed to protect her marriage once, and apparently did not learn the lessons needed to prevent it again.
I'm afraid I'd be a little skeptical myself. She is playing the victim too much.
Has she established no contact? If not, have you notified the OMs wife?
She has come back home to work on our problems but is still not ready to really open up to me. One of the casualties of all of this is that she has absolutely no desire for sexual intimacy with me. There has been nothing for almost a year. I don’t understand. I have done nothing wrong. How can I get her to open up to me again?
Non-church affiliated counseling and she needs IC. She needs to face her role in all this so she can make the changes she needs to make.
Also, if you haven't already, I'd recommend you change churches. There are probably too many triggers there.