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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 53
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OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 53 |
I think I have made a mistake in confiding in my familly (mother & sister) about my marital trouble.
They dislike H and are encouraging me to leave the M. Sister hinted that she would be willing to sign a lease on a apt for me if I leave. Both feel that H has big problems that will not go away and that he will continue to cause me emotional, financial and possibly physical harm.
He has quarreled with both of them, especially my mother, (I witnessed the quarrel and I think she was in the wrong, but both of them showed their rumps pretty well)
The quarrel with Sis is much older, and she has avoided him since. She thinks he's an arrogant a**, and he thinks she's a prissy know-it-all, and I think they are both correct.
Both Mom and Sis have helped out with $ in financial emergencies, I owe them and feel very guilty that I have not been able to repay.
Should I avoid any conversation with them about my M at this point?
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970 |
My experience...your mother and sister are their own persons...they make their own decisions...and one of them will be coming to terms with you being separate, beloved and what you want is what you want for you.
People grow...make boundaries around your marriage. They can dislike your WH...you can lovingly show them they cannot encourage you to leave your H. Your choice. You cannot make them like your H...you can ask for their respect for your marriage.
Don't do hints...direct statements only, 'k? Ask, "What do you mean?" Don't DJ. "Are you offering me a way out of my marriage now, or if he begins divorcing me?" Don't assume or mindread...uhm...anyone.
Helps a lot.
You are the gatekeeper to their relationship with you...demonstrate you love them, respect their have their own opinions, and do not allow them to disparage, define or judge you or your H. That's not healthy in any relationship, is it?
You owe them money...not your life. Pay them back. Pay them off. You are able...at ten dollars a week...it is the act of repayment, not the totality that often counts. Keep doing it...you can.
How has avoiding conflict helped you in your life so far?
LA
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 53
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OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 53 |
Thanks LA,
That is pretty much my attitude...your validation helps keep me strong!
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