My husband and I have been seperated since August of 2004. Almost 2 years so far. He left because he said he was not in love with me anymore and shortly after he left(that same week)he had a girl "friend" whom he started sleeping with. He said he had nowhere else to go and so he moved in with her for a little while. She ends up pregnant a few months later. Well. This whole time neither of us filed for divorce. We went to counseling twice between then and now. He had always wanted to come back but I would not agree to it while she was still in his life. She is still in his life. He is married to me still. We have a 3.5 year old. He has a 1 year old child from this affair thing and this woman is still living with him with their child. Well, he agreed to get rid of the girl, and last Christmas we were going to marriage counseling and trying to work on things, I slept with him and ended up pregnant. I am now 7.5 months pregnant, he has still not gotten rid of the girl and I am confused as to what the ****** is going on.
Does a marriage ever work out after the husband has been unfaithful and had a child with another woman? He said he is not going to get rid of the other woman because he cant afford to live without her. He says that she is just a roommate. (Yeah right). They take turns with having this child, but the fact that she would be in my life period just makes my stomach turn. I dont want to be dealing with this while I am pregnant. I am confused and need help. I am about to have another child with this man and am leaning towards filing for divorce once this baby is born. Any thoughs?

confused, Welcome to MB. Read the post at the top called Welcome to the Preg/Child board. Read through the MB site concepts. Get the book Surviving An Affair.

You can't have a marriage if your H won't end the A. If he does end the A then it is possible, though very difficult to recover your M and still have contact with the OC. You also have to realize that the OW will have C with YOUR children if you D your H. I am sorry you have having to deal with so much while pregnant and raising your DD alone.

Welcome and sorry to hear about the turmoil that is going on in your life.

No matter where you go for advice you will hear that your marriage will not work unless there is no contact with the OW, if he really wanted to work on the marriage he would find a way to leave her, other friends, anything. To me it sounds like a excuse, being a cake eater.

If it was me I would let him know that you dont want anymore contact with him, except to where it concerns the children, and then make it to the point and short and sweet.

Have you filed for CS?

Does the OW know that you are pregnant by him????

About divorce that is up to you, you guys have been seperated a long time, it might be time to move to the next step. But it is up to you.

Yes, the other woman knows that we were trying to work things out. They live together...and he has been trying to get back together with me...but I cant seem to let him back into my life. I am very cautious. When he left, our son was 18 months old and he left us with nothing. There is a lot of resentment. I filed for CS and get it now, but it took them a year for him to even help out.
They still live together, but he says that it is only because while giving me child support he cannot financially afford to live on his own.. He said that we can either work things out or he will stay there with her..and he already said that he is NOT going to get a second job ever. He hates working as it is. (and BTW it is a one bedroom apt. with one bed, but he says they are not sleeping together that he sleeps alone in the bed.
Any thoughts. This is killing me and I need to know how to make a decision on whether to move on or try and make it work, even though I dont know how it will work if he is still with the OW and OC.
Thanks,

I still say that he is just making excuses, if he really wanted to he would find or do whatever to get out to prove to you. Cant believe he would even ask that!!! I would even question if he would be able to take care of you and your COM since he seems to be the one taken care of. Sorry if that sounded mean.

Sorry I can not tell you to divorce and move on, I would say if it was me I would, but I am not in your shoes, and who knows how I would react if I was until I am (I use to say I would leave a man in a heart beat if they ever cheated on me, but ......) but me I think I would be thinking of moving on, unless he makes the next step, to right his wrong, you have done your part, you have considered to make it work, but now it is his turn to take a step to doing that. You have every reason not to believe him, that can change but only after he makes the steps to do it.

confused, you have mail sweetie.

Confused...I'm with most of the other ladies...if he's serious about working things out with you, then he'd do WHATEVER it took to get you back. He doesn't have to stay with her...he has friends that he can stay with...not with the woman that he's having a child with...not to mention in a one-bedroom apartment...some men...arrrrgggghhhh.