Hi all.
I'm not sure how many here will remember me...I saw Pepperband's name, that's the only one I really recognized from back in the day...but I figured I'd poke in here and say "hey." TooMuchCoffeeMan, et al. still around these parts??
MB was really instrumental in helping me get my act together in the first few months after D-Day...speaking of which, the 2-year anniversary is coming up the end of this week <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I shifted over to SurvivingInfidelity.com over a year ago, and they really have helped me come to where I am now, in addition to regular visits with IC!
At any rate...
The update is this:
I have continued to work with IC and do tons of introspection into my own infidelity, and am glad to say it's almost 2 years behind me now.
My issues with validation and self-esteem are healing nicely, and I haven't even come close to backsliding into my past behaviors. I've had numerous milestones along the way so far, to the point that my IC "graduated" me about 2 months ago and said that regular clinical visits are no longer necessary. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I'm feeling healthier, stronger, and much more capable of being a faithful, committed, truthful person in all facets of my life.
I did finally stop playing doormat to Mrs. VM and her ongoing A. The affair ended (I think) in January 2006, and we actually started making motions to reconcile - but she got upset over a post I put on SI.com and filed for divorce. Yes, I'm sure there was more to it than just a single messageboard post.
The divorce was final in March 2006, but I just found that out last week <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
We've had very minimal contact since, but what we have had has been nice, she seems to be in a better place mentally and spiritually and I suppose there is still some chance later that we could reconcile.
One big step in my healing has been the realization and absorption of the fact that since she and I started as an affair, the odds were against us both the whole time, and that I can't ignore the role that event played in all of our mutual infidelities.
And, I've become a big fan of the notion that fidelity and loyalty and love are decisions we make, and promises we keep, despite ANY "feelings" to the contrary. Feelings are often our worst enemies, and we should control them rather than the other way around.
I just want to say HEY to everyone who remembers me and the horrible saga of what I was going through when I was last here, and say...
It does and can get better, for both WS's and BS's.
I wouldn't have thought so when I last posted here, but now I'm feeling like a form of proof of that.
Take care, and I hope everyone here is doing or on the path to doing well...
