You're right. MB is my sanity sounding board. I share my impulses on here and am brought back to reality by the members of the board.

I'm looking for a divorce support group in my area. I thought I was fortunate enough to have one down the road from me, but that wasn't the case.

I'm sure it will help to talk to people that have gone through this, just as it has helped me to be here on MB.

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference." - Elie Wiesel

I have a question about the "two years to see the light of day" for WS. I've been looking for this everywhere and can't find it. Is there an article written on it? Can somone please explain it?

Is there a stages for a WS guide?

I have an ex WW but just wanted to know for informaiton. I believe she'll go through the stages, we just happen to be divorced now and I'm trying to move on.

Thanks

She gave me a number to contact the kids. I called tonight to talk to my daughter and I was happy, yet sad at the same time. I loved hearing her voice and it brought me joy, but I cried as well, for not having her with me.

I'm just happy I can call her during the day now. She tells me about being a good girl and watching movies and doing puzzles.

I'm working on the kids rooms at my place and setting it up for them.

papa, I looked for the 2 year thing, and couldn't find a quote. I think there are several references to two years... one is that is the average time of recovery, which based on my own experience and those of many here is probably on the short side. The other "common" reference to two years, is that is approximately the average length of an affair before it fizzles for whatever reason.

Withdrawal, on the other hand was said to last around 6 months, but I think, more with women than men, it lasts longer. At least it did in my FWW's case. The WW have a stronger emotional attachment, IMHO, than men, because that's just the way it is. Not necessarily in every case, mind you, but the "norm".

If you spend the next 18 months, assuming your divorce was final 6 months ago, working exclusively on you, and placing your WexW in the "indifference" category as posted by "into the black" above, you will be in a much better place. Focusing on fixing your house up for your kids is a fabulous place to start.

YOU have the power in this whole mess. Stop giving it back to WexW. Every time you engage with her, you are set back to ground zero. Keep her out of your head until you have experience a successful "personal" recovery!

Best wishes,
SD

edited to add: I think two years is also a recommended milestone for people who go through a divorce to wait before they consider marriage....

I picked the kids up tonight for a few hours since I won't see them this weekend. I brought them to my place, fed them, let them play a little then took them back. My daughter was upset that I had to take her back and she wanted to stay and play. I wish I could have let her. I think I will be able to eventually.

I am more and more confident that a court would grant me 50/50 custody of the kids. I have been video taping them every time they come over and I show how they play in their rooms, sleep soundly at my house, eat well, and go feed the ducks at the pond nearby. If I go to court, I'm going to fight for 50/50, maybe more.

If this happens 1) I get the kids as much as I believe is right and what is best for them, and 2) I don't have to pay her as much in CS. The latter part is huge because she relies entirely on my CS in order to live where she lives. I don't believe she'll be able to afford staying there and would be forced to move out after some time. If that happens, I would get the kids because she would have to stay at her parents who live in WV.

I'm more condifent because there are several men at my job who have fought custody battles in MD. All of them have gotten 50/50 and they all tell me it is a character judgement made in court by the judges. One of them was nice enough to tell me that based on his interaction with me that I wouldn't have any problems.

I thanked God today, seriously thanked Him, for the job I have and the people I work with.

I forgot to mention, that when I dropped them off tonight I said very little to the ex.

Never stop the WS, or in your case, the WexW, from having the chance to face the consequences of their actions.

Journal everything.

Focus on you!
SD

I updated the subject line with "possible" because there is a chance that my memory is failing me but I discovered something last night that is potentially a HUGE thing.

My ex received our family van in our divorce agreement. She sold it back to the dealership for $27500. It was a fairly new vehicle that was only a few months old.

I was puzzled as to how she would be able to do this considering that there was still a lien on the vehicle.

I come to find out that there was a mixup. We refinanced the van with USAA and they never received the title, like they were supposed to. Instead, a title, with my name, was issued. My ex had me sign the title, she took the signed title to the dealership, the lien release form from the first bank, and a copy of my driver's license. The dealership then paid her for the car in a check written in MY name.

I don't ever remember ever seeing this check, endorcing it, and making it payable to her. She did this the night before she left for WV. I have absolutely no recollection of ever signing over a $27500 check to her. I may have, since that time was very hectic, but I really and truly don't remember doing so.

So the question then becomes, how did she cash this check? The only way I can think of is if she forged my signature, made it payable to herself, and then deposited it into her bank account. I confirmed with the dealership that the check was made out to ME and no one else.

This, my friends, is fraud and I believe a possible felony.

I have requested a copy of the check so I can see the signature and confirm whether or not it was indeed forged or if I did actually sign it and don't remeber doing so. Truthfully, though, I believe I would remember signing over $27500 to her. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure I'd remember.

If it was indeed forged, then I believe it would be up to me to press charges. So what do I do? Mercy? Negotiating leverage? Have my lawyer strike a deal?

On my end, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain by pressing charges. It would be a no brainer in terms of custody and I would have the freedom, as far as I know, to move with my children to California, where my family lives.

BB, MM, what do you think? Anyone else?

First of all, you still owe for the second lein.

Second of all, fraud is fraud.

No deals, nuke.

Find out the truth first. Dont fire shots until you know that you didnt sign it. Then turn it over to your attorney.

If I remember rightly, you are still makigng payments, correct? You shouldnt be. If she sold the van the lien should have been taken care of. If there was an error, then it needs to be corrected.

The second thing is that if your wife signed your signature for you, that is fraud. So, I would take it to your attorney and file.

Again...you say nothing. You let your attorney handle it.

I have kept everything to myself and will do so until I get a copy of the check and I can look at the signature.

If I feel she forged it, and I'll be able to tell, then I will hand it over to my lawyer because the last thing I would ever want to do is give the perception of blackmail.

Finally, yes, I'm still paying for the van, despite no longer having it and the fact that it was illegally sold. I could still sue her for selling it illegally, so that's a backup option in case I was retarded enough to sign the check over to her.

Again, I'll wait and see. USAA is still getting it's payments from me. It would fantastic, though, to get rid of that debt and those payments since it is a bit of a financial burden.

Got a call from the exww last night. Told me that she didn't want me to call her house to talk to the kids while I was at work. Said she would have my daughter call me at night before she went to bed. This has proven to be a shaky thing for her to do in the past with sporadic following. I would happily get a phone for my daughter, but she's only 4 and I know she wouldn't have the capacity right now to keep track of it or charge it when it was running low. In a year or in a few months, I'm sure she may be able to handle it.

I also have confirmation from the ex about lying about the check. The dealership she sold the car to told me they mailed her the check to her house in WV. This means it was not possible for me to sign it the night before she left and I certainly haven't signed anything since I got here. She swears I did and that her parents witnessed it. I have asked for a copy of the check to be sent to me and I'll be able to make that judgement when I see it. My gut tells me she forged my signature.

My lawyer says if this is the case then I should definintely file fraud charges against her. I've considered sueing her anywys, since the check from the van should have gone to the bank that still has a lien on it.

She's also unilaterally making the decision to put the kids in daycare. We have a nanny until December and we have a contract with her. She refuses to have me terminate the contract with the nanny, which still makes me liable to pay the nanny, and expects me to pay for most of the day care as well.

Finally, she wants me to get child support calculated, which I'm happy to do, but she tells me she makes less than what she said she made before. She gets $13 an hour, which should be about $2000 a month before taxes. Well, she's not working 40 hours, despite being able to. So how do I handle this?

If she does put the kids in daycare, I will have the flexibility with work to be able to pick the kids up and see them for a little while before having to take them home. I can see her having fits about this, though.

What a mess. How this is better than making the attempt to work things out with me I will never understand. Well, she's chosen this path, time to face the music.

Did she say why?


May as well wait till you see the check. It can't take too much longer to get it, right?


What's the nanny going to do all day if the kids are in day care?


Let your lawyer do it. That's what he's for.


Probably if it doesn't conform to whatever child visitation you have arranged. Did you ever get that arranged or is that still in progress?


You're all ready divorced, right? I assume she's out of the work things out mode and into the move on mode.

Mys

Supposedly she doesn't want me calling her house because she says I'm the source of too much stress in her house. Of course, this stems from the upcoming legal issues such as contempt of court, custody dispute, child support, her lack of willingness to return several of my things in her possession, my insistance on talking to the kids, etc.

I also want her to take her cat back. I'm mildly allergic to her and would get $1300 of my deposit back if I got rid of her. She's resisting this. I'll give her the option before I put the cat in a rescue, where she won't be put down, but I'm getting rid of her either way.

As far as what the nanny will do, I don't know. She's basically going to be there to babysit when my ex wants to go party, is my guess.