My H & I have decided we must separate in order to discern where our M is going. Our children are 13, 13, and 15. I have read articles on helping them with this, but still would like other resources. Some things say to give them a couple days notice, other articles say up to 2 weeks notice of a separation. I also have questions like, should they be around when dad moves things out? Can they help? Should I be there? My H and I are doing this as a real attempt to help the M, and so we are reasonable and working together on it and are going to present this in as positive a way as possible.

Another question - is this best to do after school has started so that they have school/friends as a distraction and something to keep them focused? Or would it be better now while homelife is more laid back and they have time to deal with it....or since they aren't busy now, is there too much time on their hands that they would obsess about it?

Right now our plan is to separate Labor Day weekend. My other concern is the 15 yr old, our son, is starting highschool. This will be a transition for him. Should we wait for him to get more settled? (he will have been in school 3 weeks if we do it Labor Day weekend).

Any suggestions or resources would be greatly appreciated. I am so dreading this for them, but my H and I see no other choice as we have exhausted our options at this point and we truly believe this is in the best interest of everyone.

Thank you

I do not think any time is easy. When my H moved out the children and I were not around. I let him do it himself and then the children and I came back later. I explained to them that Daddy and I were having adult problems and it had nothing to do with them.

Of course my children are younger - they were 4 and 7 when he moved out. I have tried to keep a positive image of their father.

I was always hoping that is would be a temporary thing, but I think it is going to be permanent.

The interesting thing is....is that my children do not say much about Daddy not being around on a daily basis they are excited when they see him. I keep them busy and out life has moved forward. My H says the children ask him when he is going on a date with Mommy and that they want him together as a family. Weird thing is they have never said it to me?

Good luck and I hope the time apart brings you closer together.